“Damn it Brad, don’t laugh like that! It gives me the creeps...”

Setting aside his briefcase, the American nearly danced across the room, making the other man feel even more queasy. “Oh, but you’ll like this... It seems Mister Takatori is going abroad on business for the next few weeks and we’ve been given a most interesting assignment.”

Just as Schuldig was set to ask about the new job, Nagi walked past them, a parade of soda and munchies floating in the air behind him. Cases of Surge, liters of Jolt, and a near gross of Doritos hovered behind the silent bishounen. Mumbling something cryptic about “summer vacation,” he disappeared down the hall.

As the last Cheeto entered his room, Nagi’s door slammed shut.

Blinking, Schuldig turned back to Crawford. “So, what’s the new assignment?”

*~*~*~*~*~*

In a dark basement room across Tokyo, Persia’s shadow flickered as the video clicked off.

Stunned silence followed, only to be broken by Yohji’s joyful shout. “Vacation! We get a vacation!”

Ken turned to Manx. “So Takatori’s out of the country?”

“Girls! Parties! Girls! Sleeping ALL DAY! Girls!”

“That’s right. Persia figured you could use this time best by resting up for Schwartz’ next move.”

“Beaches! Girls! Clubs! Girls! Dancing!”

“And with Omi out of school this month for summer, you should all get lots of rest.”

“Girls! Girls! Parties! Girls!”

Omi grabbed a bottle of Coke and started edging up the stairs.

“Yeah-well-Summer-Vacation-Gonna-be-on-the-computer-Verry-verry-improtant-so-don’t-interupt-Gotta-go-BYE!”

Upstairs, Omi’s door slammed shut.

Aya murmured something about going out and headed for the hospital to visit his sister.

Yohji whirled around and grabbed Ken by the shoulders.

“And did I mention Girls?”

*~*~*~*~*~*

During the next week they slowly established a new routine. Ken would work mornings in the shop and play soccer all afternoon. This allowed Yohji to sleep till noon, cover the store while Ken was out playing and head out to party all night. They heard typing in Omi’s room, but no one had talked to the blonde-haired boy since the week before. They had proof he left his room occasionally, though, because junk food and things from the kitchen kept disappearing.

“Has anyone seen the hand cream? I thought it was on the counter.”

Omi’s door slammed shut.

The only person who didn’t seem to be enjoying himself was Aya. The burning desire to kill-maim-destroy Takatori still raged within him, but with no missions as an outlet he was feeling... a little edgy. At least the hoards of fangirls that usually plagued their shop had tapered off.

Ken stopped looking for his missing lotion and turned to Aya just as Yohji yawned and strolled through the door. “Have you noticed there hasn’t been a customer in the shop these last few days? It’s been weird.”

Yohji shrugged, a move that slowly morphed into a full body, finger tips to toenails stretch. “Maybe everyone else is on vacation too?”

Ken just shook his head and was about to question that theory when Aya pointed out the window. “Look outside.”

Two young girls walked past the store, each laughing and giggling around a handful of fresh cut flowers.

“Wasn’t that Mis uh... something... Miso... no, Misao... er... Wasn’t that one of the girls that’s always hanging all over Omi?”

Aya and Yohji both nodded. “And where did they get those flowers?”

Even as they stood there, another girl wandered past their window, arms nearly overflowing with fresh cut daisies. Then another passed, and another, until Yohji couldn’t take it any more and decided to find out what was going on.

The next young lady to pass by was intercepted by a flash of sunglasses and a soft purring voice. “Excuse me miss? I was just wondering where you were able to find flowers that highlighted your beauty so perfectly. Where ever did you find them?”

The hapless girl was no match for such charm and started stammering, a full-blown blush heating her cheeks, “Oh! Uhh, they’re from... I mean it’s a... well, that is... umm... They’re from the new flower shop down the street!” Shaking with embarrassment, the poor girl nearly ran down the sidewalk.

Three pairs of eyes blinked in unison. “What new flower shop?”

*~*~*~*~*~*

It didn’t take long for curiosity to spur the three men to investigate. Weaving around bustling commuters and rushing shoppers, they only gone a few blocks before coming across a huge flower display. Lining the sidewalk were intricate topiaries, detailed animals shaped from the living greenery. The storefront window was awash in color and people streamed in and out the door, laden with flowers.

Slowly making their way inside, the trio found themselves herded by the crowd toward the register. Suddenly the apron clad cashier stood from behind the counter and Weiss found themselves face to face with

“CRAWFORD???”

Yohji reached for his wire as both Ken and Aya surged forward when a mental warning stopped them in their tracks. ~ Now boys, remember you’re in public. Wouldn’t do to shed blood in front of all these innocent bystanders, would it? ~ An amused chuckle echoed through their minds as Schuldig walked in from a back room carrying a water hose.

Aya pressed against the counter and hissed quietly. “What are you playing at?”

A condescending smirk was the American’s only answer while Schuldig leaned forward and grinned. “What does it look like? We’ve set up a business! A perfectly legal shop, and there’s +nothing+ you can do about it.”

Ken crossed his arms and scanned the room. “Right. And we’re supposed to believe that? While you’re out here, who knows what your other two teammates are doing!”

White teeth flashed as their enemies laughed. Again, Schuldig answered “Farf’s busy working in the back. Apparently topiaries hurt God... who knew? As for Nagi, well, let’s just say he has his hands full on the computer.” For a moment his eyes grew hazy, as if thinking on something far away, then he scowled a bit. “Damn, he just grabbed the last box of Kleenex too. Guess we’ll pick up more on the way home.”

Somewhere across town, Nagi’s door slammed shut.

Yohji shook his head in confusion. “I don’t believe any of this! If you think we won’t find whatever you’re hiding here, you’re wrong!”

White light glinted off of Crawford’s glasses as the thin man finally spoke. “No matter what you think, this is a legitimate business.” His smirking lips broke into a full smile.

“If you’re not going to buy something, get out.”

*~*~*~*~*~*

Safely back in their own store, the three shocked hunters were going through a range of emotions...

Ken was angry more than anything else, positive something evil was taking shape just down the street but in no position yet to fight it. He paced the floor, fists clenched in frustration at not being able to do anything.

Yohji sat at the downstairs computer calling on his own hacking skills from being a PI. He may not be Omi but he wasn’t inept, right?

Aya just stood by the window, a tick developing in his left cheek. The muscle twitched in time with his mutterings. “Get out. He told us to get out. If you’re not going to buy something, get out. That’s what he said...” He never noticed his fingers unconsciously shredding the flowers in front of him.

From his desk, Yohji called “Hey Ken, since you’re up could you snag me a Coke?”

Glad to have something to do, even if only for a minute, Ken paced to the kitchen.

Upstairs, Omi’s door slammed shut.

Staring at the empty refrigerator, Ken sighed. “Damn, can’t even do that.”

*~*~*~*~*~*

Maybe he was reluctant to interrupt Omi’s vacation time, maybe he just stubbornly did not want to admit he couldn’t do the job himself, but Yohji refused to drag the youngest Weiss member away from his room. As a result, a few days passed with the chain smoker glued to the computer.

While Yohji wrestled with the Internet, Ken had taken to watching their rival’s shop during the day. Aya stayed behind at their own store, nerves too frayed to do more than stare out the window tearing petals off of flowers.

Soccer ball firmly in hand, Ken walked down the street. From the field in the park he could watch the Schwarz shop all day if he had to. And so he watched...

He watched the shop all morning long. He watched a smug looking Crawford place more and more topiaries along the sidewalk. He watched that damn redhead saunter outside and water the bushes.

He could have sworn the two were laughing at him over their lunch break.

Even when the gaggle of kids he normally played with every afternoon appeared, Ken still watched that store.

He watched Schuldig stroll outside for an afternoon smoke. And just as the last ash was flicked off the cigarette, Ken watched the damn redhead wiggle his fingers at him before winking and blowing a kiss.

A kiss that was timed so perfectly Ken never saw the high-speed ball heading straight for the back of his head. After that, all the poor boy could see were little multicolored soccer balls swirling before his eyes.

And that was why he completely missed Schuldig doubled over in laughter while Crawford put away his high-speed camera with telescopic lens...

*~*~*~*~*~*

Yohji scowled at the computer screen. Days of searching on that blasted machine and he still hadn’t found a thing connecting the new Schwarz shop to any underworld dealings. No one purchasing flowers was falling ill, no night time activities to suggest illicit trafficking, they even paid their water bill on time!

Turning, he faced the rooms other occupants. Aya was busy sitting across from him mumbling and reducing the morning newspaper to confetti while Ken lay on the couch holding ice to his head. ~ That boy’s lucky to not have a concussion! Sure, once is an accident, even two or three times could be just bad luck... but every day for a week?

He wasn’t sure exactly why Ken seemed so distracted, but it +had+ to be connected to Schuldig’s new habit of walking past their shop window every morning. Each time, that damn redhead would stop just long enough to give Ken a little wave. This had to stop! NOW!

Yohji stood, resolute that a little breaking and entering would lead him to the bottom of this mystery.

Omi’s door slammed shut.

Oh yeah... and they were out of Vaseline for some reason.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Moonlight gleamed off dark sunglasses as the hunter stalked the shadows. True, trying to slip unseen a total of three blocks down a single back ally was a tad anticlimactic... but Yohji was resolved to finish this mission successfully.

No high tech security, no dogs prowling inside; it all seemed too easy. After picking the lock and double-checking for traps, Yohji was inside the store.

First things first, samples were taken of all the chemicals. Little plastic baggies were soon filled with potting soil, weed killers, growth treatments and vitamin sprays. No possible corner was left unchecked.

Then Yohji headed upstairs.

The rooms at the front of the building were full of supplies, bulbs and pots, trowels and spades. Nothing suspicious at all. Further down the narrow hallway was nothing but the same. Yohji was just about to give up when the came across the last room, closest to the back alley.

Its door was locked and a sign hung on a nail, Danger: Do Not Enter.

~ This HAS to be it! ~ Quickly the lock was thrown and old hinges squeaked as the door swung open. Moonbeams lit the stark bare room, painting the dirty white walls gray. Slowly entering, Yohji heard the floorboards creak with each step.

~ Nothing! No, there’s has to be something here! The walls and ceiling are smooth, but maybe under the floorboards... ~ Kneeling in the center of the room he started prying at the floorboards, searching for a hiding place. A few boards and lots of splinters later, all Yohji found was electrical wires. Lots and lots of electrical wires.

With a sigh, he straightened to go search another part of the floor when a loud >POP< echoed through the room. Loud enough to be a gun, the noise repeated again and again, each time faster and nearer by. Spinning, searching, legs tensed and geared for an attack, Yohji was unprepared for the floor to completely disintegrate beneath him. Falling through rotted boards and ceiling plaster, he braced for a hard hit on the downstairs floor only to be stopped by a sharp jerk on his ankles.

Sneezing away the clouds of dust caused by his fall, Yohji found himself hanging upside down by his ankles a few feet off the ground. Twisting upwards and pushing his sagging coat out of his face, he could see thick knotted cables wrapped around his feet and legs. ~ Shit shit shit! ~ After a few tries, he realized there wasn’t enough leverage to get him untangled... and he wasn’t about to try cutting electric cables with his metal wire!

After a few more minutes of creative cursing he noticed a metal pipe running along the ceiling, apparently part of the buildings sprinkler system. ~ Ok. All I have to do it hook the pipe with my wire and use it to pull myself up high enough to unwrap my legs. ~ A simple flick of his wrist sent the wire flashing through the air, sinking deep into the pipe.

A little too deep.

One swift pull and the pipe was severed, spraying the room with freezing cold water. Jerking away from the icy torrent, Yohji tried to reel in the filament line for another try only to find that the water had mixed with the plaster dust to create a cement-like mixture.

A mixture that now covered his watch, ruining the spring mechanism and rendering the entire thing completely useless.

So there he was, hanging upside down by his feet with his coat falling over his head, getting pelted with ice water and feeling the fine layer of plaster dust that coated his body turning into sludge. At least no one would ever...

“Smile for the birdie!” >FLASH<

~ Shit ~

Bright light momentarily blinded him, followed by the click/whir of film advancing in a camera. Then he could hear the squeaking of an old handle being turned as the water slowly turned off. Squinting one eye open, Yohji found himself face to upside down face with a very happy Schuldig.

“I would say something along the lines of ‘Look what the cat dragged in,’ but you’ve probably already heard that one.”

Yohji scowled as the other man laughed and walked around him snapping pictures.

“I could have killed Crawford for storming in and waking me up in the middle of the night, but after seeing this I owe him big time! Maybe treat him out to dinner or something...”

A quick comeback about running around in nothing but pajama bottoms, a trench coat and goulashes flashed though Yohji’s mind, but he was still too embarrassed to say anything out loud.

“That sign was on the door for a reason but I’m sure you’ve figured that out by now. Guess the old saying about curiosity and cats is true.” Finally the redhead was finished with his roll of film and stopped in front of Yohji. “Ya know Kudo, if you’re really this into bondage I know a few clubs you’d be interested in.”

Outraged sputtering met Schuldig’s back as the German left the building, tossing a comment about ‘locking up before you leave’ in his wake.

So Yohji hung there, upside down by his ankles with his coat falling into his face, a drying coat of sludge covering his body... but at least the water had stopped.

So things were looking up.

Right?

*~*~*~*~*~*

Omi’s door opened.

Bright sunshine filled the morning sky as the youngest Weiss member stepped out of his room. His satisfied grin and an extra twinkle in his eye offset the circles under his eyes from WAY too much time in front of the computer. Rounding the corner into the living room, the blonde stopped short at the sight his teammates presented.

Aya sat in a chair, tearing the phonebook to shreds. With every tear, he’d hold up the little scrap of paper, tell it to ‘get out’, and watch it flutter to the floor.

Ken lay on the couch surrounded by bags of melted ice. Nearly every inch of his body looked bruised.

Yohji sat on the floor playing with his watch. First he’d pull a bit of wire out, then release and watch it snap back. Pull and release, pull and release, over and over in complete fascination.

Clutching his books to his chest, Omi slowly made his way to the door. “Uh, guys? I’m going to school now... I’ll see you after class, ok?”

No one noticed him leave.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Across town, Nagi’s door opened.

Edging down the hallway, the young boy stopped short at the sight presented in the living room.

Farf sat on the floor with what looked to be a bush between his legs... a flamingo shaped bush. The psychotic Irishman seemed to chortle every time a leaf was snipped away.

But even that site was no where near as odd as seeing Crawford and Schuldig huddled together on the couch, laughing over the pile of photographs they shared.

Clutching his bag tightly, Nagi edged for the door. “School’s back. Be back later.”

No one noticed him leave.

“I’ve got to hand it to ya Brad. Getting these pics, I haven’t had this much fun in years! I’d a never guessed old Takatori would’ve come up with a plan like that.”

Tilting one picture of a trussed up Balinese, Crawford laughed. “That’s because he didn’t.”

“Eh?”

“Our assignment was to track Weiss and keep them busy so they wouldn’t cause any trouble during Mister Takatori’s absence. We did precisely that. With style.”

Schuldig roared with laughter. “How are you ever gonna top that?”

Crawford smirked.

“Just wait till Christmas.”