Um... this brought on by extreme boredom and Nivell's the Duo Show.....This 
started out as ideas for the Duo Show....but got out of hand ^^;;. As you can 
see, you should *never* have a bored fic writer. Dangerous things will 
happen. These characters are *totally* and *extremely* OOC!! You wouldn't 
even recognize them if they didn't look the way they do! Please don't get 
offended! Read at your own caution!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Q: Hello and welcome to People: Exposed!! My name is Quatre Raberba Winner 
and I'll be your host for today's show! <Audience cheers> Today's show will 
be about a guy and his *many* secret admirers! Let's bring out our first 
guest, Chang Wufei! <A confused Chinese boy is pushed out onto the stage.>

Wufei: What the -beep-? Where the -beep- am I? This is injustice!! I should 
be worshipping Nataku right now! Not onstage serving as entertainment for the 
likes of you, you weaklings! You should be---

Quatre: *ahem* Please, sit down Wufei. This is live television. Are you aware 
of how many admirers you have?

Wufei: Admirers? What the---

Quatre: Ok, let's get out our next guest. Duo Maxwell!
<Happy braided boy bounces onto the stage> Hello and welcome to our show, Duo!

Duo: Thank you! I'm glad to be here! <seductively> Now let's get down to 
business.....<Walks over to Wufei and sits on his lap while running his hand 
through his black hair> <Wufei blushes a vibrant red> 

Quatre: *Ahem* Could you sit in your own chair please, Duo? <Duo pouts and 
reluctantly sits on his chair> Ok, on to our next guest, Treize Kushrenada! 

<Tall man with forked eyebrows comes out onto the stage> 
<Wufei's eyes bug out of his head> T..Treize?!?!?!?!?!

Treize: Yes, my little dragon. I have been lusting after you ever since you 
challenged me to the duel when we first met. <He whips out a rose from 
who-knows-where and hands it to Wufei> 

D: Excuse me?! What do you think you're doing?! Wufei is *mine*, do you 
understand?! MINE!

T: Why would he want a puny pilot like you when he could have a man like me?

D: Puny?!?! At least I stick to my own age group, old man!  What? Couldn't 
find someone that wants you that's your age so you decide to pick on *my* 
Wufei?! Careful they don't arrest you for sexual harrassment!!

T: Why you little—

Q: Excuse me, gentleman. Would you please get back in your seats? We have to 
introduce our next guest! <The two guys sit down while still give eachother 
glare-o-deaths> Um....heh heh.....We'll bring out our last guest for the day 
after these brief messages.

~~~~~~~~~~

Do you hate your life? Do just wish you could die so you don't have to suffer 
anymore, but didn't have the courage to kill yourself? Well, now your problem 
is solved! We'll do it for you! Just call 1800-IWANT-TODIE and.....what is 
that? Too many numbers? Oh it doesn't matter! Who cares if it has too many 
numbers to be functional? Just dial 1800-IWANT-TODIE and we'll book you a 
date with Chang Wufei! How does it work? Well, our very own Nivell is the 
father of Wufei and she will personally kill any and all of Wufei's 
boy/girlfriends (except Heero)! Call now and call early because if you don't, 
we'll hunt you down and kill you whether you want to die or not!

****************

Q: Welcome back to our show! Let's bring out our third and last guest for the 
day, Sally Po! <Woman with extremely weird hair comes on stage>

W: Sally?! 

S: You ain't seeing things, honey. It's me, the most beautiful woman on Earth 
and in the colonies! <Walks up to him and is about to sit on his lap but is 
pushed off by Duo>

D: Damn! How many times to I have to say this?! Wufei is *mine*! Is that 
clear?!  And right now I'm taking him home for some hot and dirty lovin' !

T: No you are not! Wufei is *mine*! <Pulls on Wufei's arm>

D: And who's gonna stop me? You and your stupid weeds?

T: Don't you go insulting my beautiful roses, you slut! You don't know who 
you're messing with, pretty boy!

D: Yes I do, an old hag!
<Sally pushes in between them> 

S: You're both wrong! He's mine and he's coming home with me! 

T: Who died and made you queen?

S: Tsuh! Well it's obvious who he wants! Why would he want a pretty boy and 
an old hag when he could have the most beautiful woman in the universe!

D: Nuh uh, girl! You did not just say what I think you said! <Sally raises 
hand in front of her face>

S: Talk to the hand!

D: Oh puh-lease! That is soooo old! It's almost as old as Treize! Older if 
that's even possible!

T: Stop insulting my age or I'll......I'll.......

S: You'll what? Kill us with your flowers?

T: Exactly! <Pulls out rose from nowhere and stabs the Sally's arm with the 
tip>

S: Oww! Why you......! <Flings one of her um......curly hair things at Treize>

T: How dare you! <Sally starts flinging her hair and Treize starts throwing 
roses> <After a while, a rose hits Duo on the leg>

D: How dare you throw a rose at me, you stupid old hag! <Smacks Treize with 
braid> <Soon a whole battle erupts> <Suddenly there is a shot through the 
window and the bullet kills one of the cameramen> <Heero jumps out from a 
helicopter and lands into the stage> 

T: Pilot 01? What are you doing here?

H: My mission is to take Wufei away from all you insane people. 

D: And what makes you think he'll go with you? <Battle once again erupts. 
Sally and Duo attack with their hair, Treize with his roses, and Heero whacks 
everyone on the head with his laptop that he pulled out of his spandex 
shorts> <Soon Treize ran out of roses to throw (if that's possible) and flung 
a chair at Heero. He dodges out of the way and it hits another cameramen, 
killing him> 

Q: HOLD IT!!!!!!!!!!! <Everything stops, objects being thrown also freezes in 
it's place> Why don't we let Wufei decide? Wufei what do you......Wufei??? 
<Everyone had failed to see Wufei crawl out of his chair and off stage during 
the fight>

S: Grr......you have him don't you?! Give him back old hag!

T: What makes you think.....

Q: Well, fortunately our time has run out! Don't tune in next time because 
there is most likely won't be a next time due to the fact that most of our 
cameramen are dead! Bye!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Um.....heh heh....did I scare anyone off? Oh and please, Jessi R'oko and 
Nivell, restrain your sons!!! I don't want them to.....<Angry mob of GW 
characters appear> Eeep!! Gotta go! Bye!

~Akiri