I'm not quite sure how
I should start this out. I mean, it's all fine and good to say that a story needs to
be told, but where should I begin to tell it? It's hard to pinpoint the exact moment
when things went wrong. I wish I could lay all this out in a nice, neat, uncomplicated
little package, but with me it seems there's no such thing as "uncomplicated."
Me? My name's
Reno--the great Reno if you like, handsome rogue and Turk extraordinaire (you'll have to
pardon the ego, it's all part and parcel). I work for ShinRa, and up until a little while
ago I was damn happy with my job as a kind of field commander for the Turks and resident
ShinRa smartass. Old Man ShinRa may not have had the highest moral standards, but he
brought order, y'know? And sometimes order is all that matters, no matter the means to the
end.
His son, on the
other hand--his son's a friggin' nutball. Rufus had the same plans for world
domination--so I used a cliché, so sue me already--as his father, but he took the whole
idea of necessary evil and turned it into unnecessary cruelty. I think that's probably
when I started to get just a little dissatisfied with my job; at that point Tseng was
already thinking about quitting, and I honestly think Rude was only sticking around 'cause
of me. The whole situation sucked; I mean, we're cold--our jobs require it--but we're not
monsters, and some of the stuff we were being asked to do was pointless and just plain sick.
But we all stuck with it anyway; there's such a thing as loyalty, and we followed orders
without question--just like the good little patsies we were.
Now that I
think about it, I can pinpoint the moment when things went wrong. It was the moment
that I first met (met, not saw, not heard about) that damned Cloud Strife in
person. Not those brief moments with Aeris in the chapel, but the first time that we faced
each other in battle, on the platform on the pillar in Sector 7--and at first I could only
stare at him in surprise, before drawing my usual coolly implacable (and, might I add,
devilishly handsome) mask over my face.
This kid was
in SOLDIER? I thought in amazement. He didn't seem like the type; true, his sinewy,
lean body was tough and perfectly muscled, but his boyish face still spoke of years of
inexperience--and pain. It was amazing just how apparent the anguish was in his
expression, suffering that was far too deep for any one person to handle sanely. Looking
at his Mako-bright eyes and the fire behind them, I wondered if he hadn't lost it
already--and believe it or not, my heart went out to the little guy. Now, that was a shock
because at that point in time I didn't even think I had a heart anymore--just a big gaping
hole where I stored all the extra food my stomach couldn't handle.
A bigger shock
was that I didn't want to fight him. He was hurting enough already, and it made me think
about how maybe he was just a victim in all this crap and I didn't want to hurt him
anymore. I may be cold, but I'm not a total jackass; guess I'm still human after all, huh?
But anyway, I did what I was supposed to do and fought the kid; he actually tore me up
pretty bad, but if I had wanted to I could have killed him. I should have killed
him, actually; those were Old Man Shinra's orders, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I
left, just like that, figuring ShinRa would buy my story about him being too strong. Now
Heidigger, on the other hand--that rat-bastard beat the living shit out of me, which
didn't exactly help my already injured state, but that had to be expected.
While I was
recovering, Cloud and his little party of do-gooders turned into something of an obsession
for me. I followed their movements like a wolf stalking its prey, and learned even more
about their pasts than I had known before--which was a considerable amount, I can assure
you. We Turks aren't sloppy about our work (one comment about me and my clothing, and I'll
rip your head off). Cloud was of particular interest to me; he was such an enigma. He
seemed so strong, and yet at the same time so vulnerable; I told myself that I was
studying him to find a potential advantage over him, some weakness, but I was lying and I
knew it. The spiky-headed little guy was just plain fascinating; finally, I had found
someone more mentally and emotionally screwed than I was. He was just so cute--even though
if anyone had told him that he probably would have tried to kill them, and I would have
thought that was even more cute. I'm weird like that. His thin mouth was always set in
this grim, hard line that made you want to throttle him half the time and the other half
kiss him until those lips softened into a smile.
Yeah, you read
that right. I was developing a thing for Cloud, and I was more afraid of the fact that
Rude might find out and beat me senseless (after killing Cloud, of course) than of
anything else. I never have given a damn about rules, so the absolute inappropriateness of
being attracted to one of the enemy never struck me; all I was worried about was the fact
that, when the time came, I might not be able to perform my duty and kill him. I was also
worried about the fact that I was starting to question ShinRa more and more. Like I said,
there's such a thing as loyalty, and you can't let that go--but I was starting not to give
a damn. With each passing day, what was being done to Cloud and his friends seemed
increasingly wrong.
Okay, I was
also a little worried about being attracted to a man. I mean, it's happened
before--witness my relationship with Rude--but I still find it a little odd that imagining
myself kissing Cloud and thinking about that hot little number Elena naked do about the
same thing for me, and leave me in a very uncomfortable state. Anyway.
Sometime during
my recovery period, that maniac Sephiroth showed up and killed the old man, leaving Rufus
ShinRa in charge. That's when things really got hairy; like I said before, Rufus is
fucking crazy--almost as crazy as that white-haired freak. With Rufus on the proverbial
throne, Scarlet was being allowed more freedom as well--like she didn't have enough
already. You have no idea how much I hate that bitch--her laugh, her walk, her smile, everything.
She just has a way of looking at a man that could completely turn him off women, y'know?
Maybe that's what's wrong with me....um!
Sorry; I
digress sometimes. I'm a babbler, okay? I can never keep my mouth shut, and so I'm not
exactly as intimidating as I should be--but then, that's why I keep Rude around; the big
guy's intimidating enough for the both of us, and he's so cute when he's threatening
someone. Um. Crap. Doing it again.
Anyway, after I
managed to haul my sorry ass out of the hospital and convince The Almighty Tseng (if you
think I mean that, you're an idiot) that I was fit for duty, he, Rude, Elena (how she got
to be a Turk, I'll never know) and I flew out on a mission with the Randy Red Bitch
(Scarlet) to take a look at a failed reactor near Gongaga (where do these people come up
with these names?). I had no idea what the hell we were doing there, until Scarlet said we
were looking for "big Materia. Really large, HUGE Materia." Don't you just love
her extensive vocabulary? Anyway, we didn't find anything--but guess who we should just
happen to run into? That's right; Cute Stuff and his little friends. The others took off,
and me and Rude stayed behind to mix it up a little--but my heart wasn't in it, y'know? I
mean, I really wanted to beat the crap out of that hairball
dog-cat-whatever-the-hell-he-is Red XIII, and Tifa....that goddamn woman makes my blood
boil, and I just wanted to wipe that smug "look how cute me and Cloud are
together" smile off her face.
Cloud,
though--Cloud was giving me that look, that look that said "You're a part of what's
happened to me, and I hate you for it." And that look hurt. Bad. I wanted to tell him
that I was sorry, that I never meant to hurt him, that secretly I was really on his
side--but I couldn't even tell myself that, so how could I tell him? It was right then
that I realized that my attraction to Cloud was more than just physical (great time for
self-discovery, huh?), so I did the only thing logical to do in that situation.
I
grabbed Rude and ran for it. Or I made it look like I did, anyway. Actually, I just kind
of disappeared into the surrounding foliage and watched them. It kind of pissed me off
when Cloud found that Titan Materia when I had missed it--it always pisses me off when
people see things I don't, I'm childish like that--but I let it go. Rude was looking at me
rather strangely at this point; he knew something was up--he's been my best friend and
sometimes bedmate for so long, he knows me too well--but he didn't say anything. He just
followed me as I returned to report to Scarlet that Cloud and his friends had, once again,
eluded my grasp.
So Scarlet the
Harlot assigned us to follow them. Closely. Very closely--like their shadows, almost. As
if I wasn't in enough trouble already. But I did what I was told, like I always do--unless
someone tells me to tuck my shirt in; then I get ugly. But I'm digressing again. We
followed Cloud to Cosmo Canyon, and snuck in behind him; little did he and the others
know, but everywhere they went there was a Turk shadowing them. When they separated, I of
course followed Cloud; I couldn't help myself. He went through the long, drawn-out process
of exploring the place, and I spent the most boring hours of my life following him from
the Weapons Shop to the Materia Shop to the Item Shop and finally to the Inn--all the
while secretly admiring his compact build, his business-like stride, his--ahem.
Digressing again.
At the Inn, he
took a room--and he barely had time to make it to the bed and shrug out of his clothing
before he passed out. Well, well, this is interesting, I thought as I watched from
my vantage point outside the window--a damned uncomfortable position, by the way; have you
ever tried clinging to a rock face for hours at a time? Who would have thought that
Cloud slept in the buff? Even under the sheet, the smooth, flat planes of his hard
muscles were apparent; he may have been short, but his lean body was nothing but solid,
sinewy muscle. As he rolled over and mumbled something incoherent, his long eyelashes
fluttered against his soft, sweet face. His brow furrowed, and his mumblings grew more
fevered; apparently he was having a nightmare.
Quietly,
oh-so-carefully, I crept into the room and moved next to the bed to stand over him;
something about gazing at him while he slept made my heart start thumping so loudly that I
was afraid it might wake him. He was so beautiful....I wanted to caress his tawny golden
skin, brush the spiky, tousled hair out of his eyes, touch my lips to his sensuous ones
and watch as his brilliant blue eyes awakened to my kiss....he cried out in his sleep, and
his eyelids twitched; I froze, prepared to bolt if he showed any sign of waking. But he
settled down and with a soft sigh drifted back into undisturbed slumber, and I relaxed and
continued watching him.
Oh, Cloud,
I thought, allowing myself the luxury of kneeling next to the bed but fighting the urge to
cradle his gorgeous, childlike face in my hands. Suddenly I found myself overwhelmed by a
fierce need to protect him, to shield him from any harm that might come to him; I nearly
staggered under the force of such intense emotion. I was not used to feeling anything so
strongly, and the sudden rush left me reeling. Gasping at the shock, I leaned rather
heavily on the edge of the bed and closed my eyes, trying desperately to catch my breath;
I felt like I had just been punched in the stomach and had all the wind knocked out of me.
A sudden noise
startled me, and I looked up; Cloud was awake, and sitting up in bed with those
disconcerting Mako-bright eyes turned on me. I felt a tremor of fear; there was hatred
burning in those eyes, raw and malevolent; he opened his mouth to say something, started
to reach for his sword--but something stopped him, something in my expression perhaps; in
my surprise, my emotions were displayed nakedly on my face for all to see. He stared at me
for a long moment, confusion and fear in his eyes, and then he frowned. "Get
out," he snarled. "Get the hell out!" Even in anger his voice sent little
thrills down my spine, but I didn't dwell on it for long. Recognizing that he was giving
me the chance to cover my actions and escape, I did what any sensible person would do.
I hauled my ass
right back out the window.
The strangest
thing was, the next day he didn't tell his companions about finding me in his room. And on
top of that, whenever he was alone he adopted this habit of sitting or standing very
rigidly and very tensely, refusing to look around--like he knew that I was there and
didn't want to take a chance on seeing me. Why, Cloud? I wondered to myself as I
perched on a crossbar in the ceiling of Cosmo Canyon's only bar and looked down at the top
of his messy blonde head. Why didn't you tell them about me? For that matter, why
hadn't he attempted to kill me in his room? If I had awakened to see a guy who'd already
tried to kill me twice kneeling next to my bed, I would have fire-blasted him in the balls
so fast he wouldn't know what hit him. But Cloud had let me go.
Unfortunately this only softened my heart
towards him even more, as much as I tried to steel myself against it. There was still the
problem of loyalty to deal with as well; at this point, I was questioning whether my
loyalty lay with ShinRa the man or ShinRa the corporation. If it was ShinRa the man then I
had no obligation to serve Rufus, for my duty died with his father--but if it was ShinRa
the corporation, then I was pretty much screwed. Cloud or no Cloud, I wanted out; the
results of my actions were beginning to weigh heavily on my conscience, and I didn't think
I could stand working for ShinRa much longer. Every life in Sector 7 was branded on my
soul; every drop of blood spilled stained my hands a terrible crimson. I should've tried
to stop it; I should've been fighting with Cloud, instead of against him. There was
something terribly wrong with ShinRa, and I wanted no part of it anymore.
Unfortunately,
the time had come for me to report what had happened so far. That night, while Cloud
and the others slept, Elena, Rude and I crept under cover of midnight out of Cosmo Canyon
and then moved north in a buggy that we had hidden in a canyon several miles away.
After an hour or so, we reached a tiny, dilapidated wooden shack--but beneath that
shack was a ShinRa checkpoint of sorts, complete with all the luxuries a guy could ever
want and all of the technology that ShinRa needed to keep its stranglehold even on places
as remote as Cosmo Canyon.
I know.
I'm rambling again. Shut the hell up.
At the
checkpoint, I met Tseng in this stark white room that he had kinda taken over as his
"office" and gave him my official report. That is, I told him that nothing
had happened, they were still puttering around Cosmo Canyon, and no leads on Sephiroth.
I did not tell him that Cloud knew we were shadowing them, or that he had
seen me; got to look out for Numero Uno, y'know? As long as Cloud kept his mouth
shut I was fine, and Tseng didn't need to know.
I guess
reporting to Tseng drove home the reality of the fact that Cloud and I were on opposite
sides. It had kind of given me a warm feeling, knowing that he was staying safely
far ahead of us--a warm feeling that was shattered by our proximity, and I was actually
kinda relieved. You have no idea how much I hate warm feelings; I'm no fuzzy hugger, and
I'd rather blast teddy bears with a Molotov than cuddle them. But anyway.
After I
finished giving my report, Tseng frowned and looked worried. "Heidigger's not
going to like this. Neither is Scarlet."
I winced at
that; I felt sorry for Tseng, because he would have to report our relative failure to our
superiors--like there's anyone superior to me, but anyway--and he would take the brunt of
their anger. It wasn't his fault, and I felt kind of guilty; Tseng's really not a
bad guy once you get to know him. He's just kind of stiff 'cause he's got so much
responsibility to deal with; I think it made him old.
"Um...Tseng, " I said, kind of
hesitant. "I...you can put the blame on me, if you want. Tell them that I
did something crazy--that's what they expect from me, anyway, so they'll believe it.
You don't have to take the fall for this one." Gods, I was making myself
physically ill with this niceness crap.....
Tseng just kind
of shook his head. "No, I've got it covered." Then he gave me an odd
look, peering at my face closely. "Reno, you okay? You don't look so
good--tired, maybe, or like something's bugging you."
I shrugged,
winking and shoving my hands into my pockets. "Sure, Tseng-o; I'm always okay. How
can someone this good-looking not be okay?" Gods, I love my ego....
It really
wasn't fooling Tseng, though; he's known me for way too long. He gave me that
hey-man-I'm-here-for-you look and then his face got that little wrinkle right between the
eyebrows that he always gets when he's worried--which had been a lot in the past few
months. "Be careful, Reno. Don't give Scarlet a reason to get you in trouble,
okay?"
"Maybe
I'll get her in a little trouble later, " I answered with another wink and
obvious innuendo, even though the very thought was triggering a ferocious urge to gag. But
Tseng was still giving me that look, so I shrugged again. "Hey, Tseng, don't worry
about me. Everything's cool in the great Reno's world, y'know?"
He frowned.
"It'd better be. I'm getting tired of bailing your ass out." I knew he didn't
mean that though, so I threw a companionable arm around his shoulder--no, don't even think
it; Tseng's not my type. Too straight-laced.
"Y'know ya
love me, man."
He scowled and
rolled his eyes, tossing my arm aside and then ruffling my already-messy hair
affectionately. "Imp, " he said. "Get back to work."
Grinning, I
tossed him a two-fingered salute. "Yes, sir!" Before he could reply, I was out
the door and down the hall.
So Tseng knew
something was up. What he didn't know was that I was pretty much knee-deep in my own shit.
Why the hell do I always have to make things so complicated? This was a hell of a time to
start growing a conscience....
Whaaaaaat?!
Jeez, okay, so I'm rambling again; you got a problem with it, shut the hell up!
Fine, fine, on
with it then. I left the base camp and went back to Cosmo Canyon; when I got back to
Cloud's room it was nearly dawn, and I once again took up my perch from hell on the rock
face outside the window--but I wasn't there for long. About an hour after sunrise,
Cloud got up and just left the room; something about the way he just stood up abruptly and
started walking told me that he hadn't been asleep for many hours--just waiting.
Puzzled, I
waited until he left the Inn and then picked my way down the cliff and followed a safe
distance away. To my surprise, he left Cosmo Canyon, walking straight out the gate
without even stopping to tell his friends where he was going or anything. I followed
silently, getting even more confused; the line of his mouth was even more grim than usual,
and he had this hard look in his eyes that said he was really pissed. Where the
hell is this kid going?
I must have
followed him through the area surrounding Cosmo Canyon for about an hour before he
stopped; we were in an isolated spot a couple of miles east of Cosmo, closer to Gongaga
really (I hate that name!). Cloud stood in the center of a roughly circular
clearing; one half of the circle was a sheer cliff that dropped down for at least seven
hundred feet, and the other half was bordered by a thick forest that led the way back to
semi-civilized country.
For a few long
moments he just stood there in blank silence, fists clenched and entire body tensed as he
stared off at the horizon over the edge of the cliff. Then he turned to face the
shadows of the forest where I was hiding, and reached up to place his hand on the hilt of
his sword.
"All
right, Reno; I know you're there. You can come out now."
What the
hell? I thought. So he had brought me out there for a reason, knowing that I would
follow him--and as curious as I am, I had to find out why. I stepped out into the light,
hands shoved in my pockets and my usual devilishly rakish grin plastered across my face.
"You're very perceptive, Cloud, " I said tauntingly and then gave him my best
"you incompetent fool" look, smile still perfectly in place; had to play the
role, y'know? "Is there some reason that you brought me here?"
He did that
infuriating half-shrug thing, and gave me a cold glare. "To find out why you've
been following me--besides the obvious reason, of course."
Ah, but
which obvious reason, my dear Cloud? "I wasn't aware that I had been
following you, " I tripped out lightly.
That pissed him
off, and he drew his sword and leveled its point at my throat; I just kept on grinning.
"I really don't like you, " he snarled. "And I don't like
waking up to find you next to me. Even if you're trying to get to Sephiroth, there's
no reason for you to be following us so closely."
"Your
point being?" I'm an asshole, okay?
"My point
being, " he snapped, "I've had enough, and I intend to remedy this problem here
and now."
I rolled my
eyes. "You're not going to try to fight me, are you?"
He just gave me
this look. He was, and I stifled a groan.
Imagine
something fun that you really enjoy doing more than anything--and then imagine that you're
doing the exact opposite of that. Fighting Cloud was like that. He was
seriously trying to kill me, swinging that giant sword of his all over the place and
bombarding me with attack spells like you wouldn't believe. I really didn't want to
hurt him, so I didn't retaliate; I just concentrated on defending myself and staying
alive.
What was
annoying is that he got some really good shots in. He slashed my arm once, and after
that I found it necessary to disarm him; one quick move and his sword was lying all
the way on the other side of the clearing. So then he started spell-bashing me even
harder, but that wasn't working very well either; I just kept on blocking with defense
spells--even though he did zap me once with a pretty rough Bolt spell and left me feeling
like fried chicken.
So then he
turned it into a fistfight. That's a lot harder to deal with when you're trying hard
not to hurt your opponent and he's trying even harder to rip you to shreds. Even
now, thinking about the bruises he inflicted on me makes me wince. After about ten
minutes of dancing around, I pretty much got sick of it and tripped him; he rolled
straight back to his feet--so I tripped him again, and again, until he stayed down long
enough for me to do something about it.
I threw myself
on top of him, bearing him down in an attempt to restrain him without hurting him and
locking my hands in a vise-like grip around his wrists. Me, I was hurting like a bitch; he
had pretty much given me the beating of my life, maybe even worse than Heidigger--and I
was still trying not to hurt his stupid ass. Just because he was cute. Maybe more.
And then, at
that moment, the worst possible thing happened. I got a hard-on--and if you laugh, so help
me I will beat you senseless. I guess it was being on top of him like that, holding him
down, our faces mere inches from each other as we glared at each other with gritted teeth
and his breath puffing hot against my skin. I went all weak in the knees, and my arms
wouldn't even support me--and then he threw me off of him, snarling like some wild animal
and throwing himself on me in a rage. I did what instinct told me to do; as he came at me,
I caught his weight on my legs and then pushed, sending him flying over my
head--and straight over the edge of the cliff.
In the next
split second, a million scenarios ran through my mind; I saw Cloud dying in a thousand
different ways, beautiful body broken on the rocks below, and all the while a hand of ice
wrapped its way around my heart and squeezed and the only thing that I could think
was Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit I killed Cloud oh shit...and then
suddenly I realized that I was hanging over the edge of the cliff myself, with his gloved
hand clasped in mine.
To this day I
don't remember the actual act of rescuing him. I remember realizing that I had caught him,
seeing the shock and relief on his face as he stared up at me with wide eyes, pulling him
up and back over the edge, feeling his exhaustion as he slumped against me for just a
second and we both panted in relief. Then he jerked away from me, glaring at me in
resentment; I opened my mouth to say something, but I had no time for suddenly pain like
lightning struck in my side. I cried out, and whirled around; a giant cobra was poised
over me--the damn beast was at least as long as I was tall, and with a terrible light
dancing in its eyes that told me it had been altered by Mako; I don't know where the
friggin' thing came from.
Aw,
fuck....this is not my day.... Around then I figured my time was about up, and I
should just die gracefully, when I heard a whirring sound and a wet chunk! and
suddenly the damn snake's head was lying next to me. I barely had time to look up and see
Cloud standing over me, that ridiculously huge sword drawn and himself silhouetted
magnificently against the light, before I was overcome by poison-induced nausea and
slumped onto my face.
"Stupid
Turk, " I heard him grumble, and then he knelt and turned me over on my back. I
opened my eyes weakly, suddenly sapped of all strength, and looked up into his grim face.
"See, Cloud? You didn't kill me, but I'm going to die anyway." Then I slipped
into merciful blackness, but only for a moment; a familiar sensation dragged me back, and
when I opened my eyes I saw the traces of a Cure spell fading around Cloud. I didn't have
the heart to tell him that it wouldn't work; he looked angry enough already. I just smiled
at him weakly, and his frown deepened.
"Come on,
Reno. Let's get you somewhere where you can rest, or that Cure spell will never finish
healing you." I hung limply from his grasp as he hoisted me up, supporting me by
draping my arm around his shoulder and carrying most of my weight. My hold on reality was
slipping drastically, and it took me some time to comprehend the situation.
"Why?" I whispered, choking on the
blood that filled my throat; I was pretty fucked up, for lack of any other adjective
suitable to describe the depth of my injuries. You have no idea how much my day was
sucking; first my obsession beat the shit out of me, and then I got bitten by a snake
while trying to save his life. Why me?
"Because
you saved my life, " he stated matter-of-factly, almost coldly. "And a favor
demands a favor in return. Now come on, you're going to have to help me out here a little;
you're not exactly a lightweight."
I
tried to help him, really I did, forcing my legs under me and trying to get them to move,
but I couldn't do it. Every movement was an effort, every action searing pain that
threatened to drown me--and after a few moments of being half-helped, half-dragged through
the forest, I lost consciousness.
I woke up
again, but I wished that I hadn't; my head was pounding like there were a couple of nutty
blacksmiths inside it and going at it full force. I groaned, trying to remember just
what had happened and forcing my eyes open.
"Wh....where are we?" I slurred,
staring groggily around at my unfamiliar surroundings; we were in a tiny, sparsely
furnished room that contained nothing but a single tiny bed, a chair, and a table. Two
doors led out of the room--one presumably outside, and the other probably to a bathroom. I
was lying on the bed, and drenched in my own sweat; Cloud was sitting in the chair next to
the bed with his arms crossed and one leg propped on the other. He looked to be deep in
thought, but when he heard my voice his head swiveled up and he pinned me with his
hard-eyed gaze.
"At an inn
in Gongaga, " he answered, and then his lips twitched in the tiniest hint of a smile.
"At the only inn in Gongaga. I couldn't risk taking you back to Cosmo Canyon."
He brought
me to an inn? And I'm still alive? And he's still here?!?! I tried
to sit up, but a sudden rush of pain forced me back and took my breath away. My head
was spinning, and I think if I had tried to move again I probably would have thrown up.
Cloud listened to my
gasping breaths and then frowned. "You don't look so good. Is the spell working
yet?"
I shook my
head; even that action took much of the last of my strength. "N-no. It's going to
take a long time....too much Mako in my body....fights with the spell...." Then I
broke down into this coughing fit from hell, which believe me hurt like a bitch. At this
point I was truly and seriously afraid; not many people know this, but most of the
higher-level Turks have more Mako in their bloodstream than the damn Planet itself. That's
what makes us so hard to kill, but once we get some other kind of Mako--like Mako
poison--in us it pretty much tears us up. That's why I have a deadly fear of snakes,
because most of the snakes around now have been affected by the reactors--that, and
because one had just bitten the holy living shit out of me.
So right then I
really wasn't sure if I was going to survive or not. It would have been all right if
Cloud's Cure spell had just had to deal with the Mako poison, but it also had to fight off
the Mako in my own body in order to heal me--and I wasn't sure if it could do that. I was
scared as all hell, and it didn't exactly help that Cloud was looking at me with this
expression on his face that said he just might take that oversized sword of his and gut me
then and there. He stood up from his chair and walked very slowly over to the bed, and
then crossed around to my side of it; my heart was thumping like crazy at that point, and
then knots in my stomach were tying themselves even tighter around irrational fear.
So what if
Cloud kills me now? I thought. It's not like I have much left to live for anyway.
Maybe it will be a release from ShinRa....So I closed my eyes and steeled myself for
the blow that I feared, and at the same time welcomed. So I was completely surprised to
feel, not cold steel, but warm hands, soft hands, gentle hands, sliding under my back and
lifting me into a sitting position. I opened my eyes to see Cloud very carefully removing
my jacket, and then he laid me back down and began to unbutton my blood-stained shirt.
Am I
dreaming? I thought as he peeled the garment back from my chest. That was it; it was a
fever-dream, a beautiful fever-dream that was giving me a few moments of sweet happiness
before I died--and then Cloud poked me in the side, and I yelped at the agony that washed
over me. Not a dream....definitely not a dream... Fire was racing up my side
from where Cloud had touched my bared flesh, and I was forced to bite back on a scream.
Cloud looked up at me once, at my gritted teeth, my sweat-beaded brow, and frowned again.
"Sorry, " he said shortly.
And then the
infuriating creature did it again, prodding at the swollen and discolored flesh around my
ribs incessantly and not even seeming to care that I was in more pain than any man could
deal with. "Stop," I hissed through clenched jaws. "Stop!"
He turned that
coolly dispassionate gaze on me again. "Deal with it, unless you want to die. The
infection's spreading."
Oh, this was
just great. I was in pain, I was going to die, and on top of that I had Satan
incarnated as the sexiest warrior to ever walk the earth as my caretaker. I wasn't sure if
I was in Heaven or in Hell; all I knew was that I wanted out. Bad. Bad enough to kill
myself, if worst came to worst. Or get Cloud to do it for me. Yes, that was it; get Cloud
to do it for me. "Just kill me, " I rasped, craning my head to see the livid
purple color of my skin. "Get it over with. Save us both some trouble."
"No,
" he said without even blinking, and then just for a moment he met my eyes and I saw
the pain in his once again; without even realizing it, he was begging me for comfort, for
release, and I wanted so badly to give them to him. Then the moment was gone, and he went
back to surveying the two jagged holes in my side, and I went back to trying not to scream
my friggin' ass off. Finally he stopped, and looked at me again. "Aeris could help
with this. She's a healer."
Panic gripped
me like a vise. "No!" I said--whimpered, more like, but that was all I was
capable of, okay? "Don't bring her here...." And why not? He was willing to get
his friends to help me--why, I didn't know, but he was--so I should've been grateful. But
there was something terribly wrong about it, something that told me that if he brought
them there everything would go to hell. This had to stay our secret, both for my sake and
his; if Heidigger and Rufus ever found out, they'd have my ass on a stick--and I doubt his
friends would be so charitable, either.
Cloud only
shrugged. "Your loss, " he said, and then stood and walked into the bathroom.
When he returned, he was holding a large bowl of hot water, a smaller bowl of cold water,
and several towels; he set them all next to the bed, and then pulled me into a sitting
position again to remove my shirt. The first thing he did was to wet a small towel with
cold water and then lay it across my forehead; it felt so good against my flushed skin.
Then he began washing down my chest with hot water, taking care to be gentle but still
causing me no little pain; whenever the towel touched the wound in my side, it came away
green with pus.
Of course, the
pain got to be too much; I can handle a lot of things, but Mako poison isn't one of them.
I was floating in a nightmare world of magenta haze; reality was doing some serious
tripping, and even though I tried I couldn't seem to focus. If you ever get bitten by a
snake with Mako poison in its fangs, just save yourself some grief and commit suicide.
It's a lot easier. The last thing I remember clearly was Cloud saying, "Go to sleep,
Reno. We'll see if you're feeling better when you wake up." I heard him moving, and
then heard a sound that was probably him sitting down in the chair, but through my
delirium, I was only truly aware of one thing.
Cloud was going to stay with me.
I must have
blacked out for a long time after that, because the next thing I became aware of was that
I was warm. And I felt safe. And good--even though I still hurt like hell, but that was
something I had to deal with; I was just going to have to weather the storm until the
poison worked its way through my body. There was a sound around me, a husky murmuring that
I couldn't quite decipher--and then the world began to resolve itself around me, and I
realized that I was still in the inn, and that the warmth was that of Cloud's arms around
me, and the murmuring was his soft voice as he spoke--to me, to himself, to anyone who
might hear. He was holding me to him, rocking me gently; I'd never had anyone hold me so
softly, so tenderly, and I kept my eyes closed for fear that if he knew that I was awake,
he might leave me.
He was still
speaking, and I could hear the pain in his voice again. "Please, Reno, man; you gotta
live, " he said. "Please don't die on me; so many people have died
already...." He choked, and his voice trailed off into nothing; then I felt it as he
swallowed hard and kept talking. "You stupid Turk; why'd you have to go and get
bitten, huh? I really hate you sometimes; if you hadn't saved my life, I wouldn't be here
worrying about you right now. Why'd you have to go and do that, huh?" He squeezed me
tighter for a moment, and I reluctantly decided that it was time for me to "wake
up." I let out a deep sigh; I could have stayed like that forever, melting into his
warmth. But instead I lifted my head from where it rested on his chest, and blinked
sleepily up at him.
"Why,
Cloud, I didn't know you cared, " I rasped, forcing a weak smile; he blinked at me in
surprise, looking like a pole-axed steer, and then he exploded.
"Dammit,
Reno!" he shouted, standing and dumping me unceremoniously out of his lap and onto
the bed. "How the hell long have you been awake?"
I could only
groan in reply; I think I'd pissed him off so much that he forgot I was injured. That's
okay, though, because as soon as he saw the look on my face he was instantly contrite. I
smiled inwardly, feeling just a little smug despite the fact that I was gasping for
breath.
"Jeez, you
stupid Turk; don't do that!" he said, kneeling next to the bed. "You
okay?"
"Fine,
" I grated, forcing a grin even though I was far from fine. I felt like shit, plain
and simple. "Is it just me, or is it hot in here?"
He frowned,
looking puzzled, and then laid a hand on my brow; I closed my eyes and sighed, trying to
stop myself from leaning into his touch. When I opened my eyes, his frown had deepened
into a scowl and his eyes danced with angry sparks.
"Damn you
to hell, " he snapped. "Now you're running a fever."
I didn't feel
like I was running a fever. I felt like I was drowning in burning hot lava. Very slowly.
While nasty little pygmies jumped around me and giggled as they stuck me with their
pitchforks.
Cloud stood and
went into the bathroom; I heard water running for long minutes, and then he came back into
the room without a sound and stood over me. He made short work of removing what remained
of my clothing--I was too startled to comment--and then to my complete surprise he slid
his hands under my back and legs and hoisted me into his arms. After a moment of initial
shock and tenseness, I leaned my head on his chest and relaxed, actually grateful for my
weakened state that kept me from reacting to his nearness and my own nudity. If I hadn't
been as messed up as I was, Cloud might have seen something he probably shouldn't have.
He took me into
the bathroom and slowly eased me into the tub, which was half-filled with water. Very cold
water. I gasped, teeth chattering as the icy water washed over me. "Wh-what the hell
are ya trying to do to me, kid? Give me pneumonia?"
"Do you
want to die of fever?" he answered shortly. "The poison's working its way
through your body; you're not going to die from it, but you might die from some of the
other side effects. Cold water will help bring your temperature down."
I smiled
half-heartedly, trying to tease him. "Thank you, oh wise one." He pinned me with
a glare, and I reluctantly subsided after giving him a roguish wink. It's too bad I wasn't
feeling any stronger, or I might have tried playing with him a bit; damn that snake--and
damn Mako, too, for altering my physiology so drastically that I couldn't even use an
Antidote. Of course, if it hadn't been for the snake I wouldn't even be in a room alone
with Cloud, without us trying to tear each other's throats out....hmm. But I'm digressing
again, and being a smartass to boot, so let me get on with it.
Cloud picked up
a sponge, wet it in the icy water, and began dribbling it down my chest and gently wiping
my face and any other area of my body that wasn't submerged. I just leaned back in
the tub and closed my eyes, trying to ignore the fact that my skin was growing numb from
the cold but I was still sweating like I was sitting in the middle of the desert instead
of in a tub of freezing water in an inn. Besides, I was enjoying having him sponge
me down. I don't think that needs any explanation.
Cloud grew
strangely quiet--not his usual sullen brooding, but a more pensive and morose silence.
There was something on his mind, and it was really bugging him.
"Reno,
why? Why'd you do it?" His question startled me, and I raised my head to look at him;
he was still looking down, eyes locked on the sponge as he avoided my gaze.
"Why'd I
do what? " I asked merrily, as usual covering uncomfortable situations with a roguish
smile and false innocence. He didn't buy it, though, and he pinned me with a glare that
sent daggers through my heart.
"You know,
" he ground out between gritted teeth.
I stared at him
for a long moment, until he looked away, unnerved by my gaze. I sighed, relaxing and
letting the tension flow out of my muscles. "Because I'm tired, Cloud. I'm tired of
fighting, and I'm tired of killing. I don't want to hurt you anymore." Right then I
could have slapped myself for letting that slip, but he only stared up at me with wide,
frightened eyes, suddenly vulnerable as he let the sponge drop. Gods, he was hurting so
bad....
"Do you
mean that, Reno? Do you really mean it?" The naked fear in his face and the plea in
his voice nearly tore me apart; here was a different Cloud than I was used to, a younger
Cloud who wanted so much for me to say the words that would make everything better, that
would make at least one part of his life easier.
I wished I
could, with all my heart and soul, but...."I mean it, Cloud. But you know that I
can't. I have my duty, just as you have yours." I watched as his face fell, every
hint of pain in his eyes ripping a hole in me, and then he retreated behind his grim mask
again and nodded--but there was still a little of the other Cloud there, the one that I
saw for just a moment.
"I know,
" he said reluctantly. "But that doesn't make it any better; we still have to
fight each other."
I smiled at him
impishly, turning up the charm and wishing that I could kiss away the tears that hovered
in the back of his eyes. "That's too bad, kid; I'm really starting to get attached to
you."
He picked up
the sponge again, and then he actually grinned as he continued bathing my face with cold
water. "Shut up, you stupid Turk."
I raised my
hand in a weak salute and grinned back. "Yes, sir!"
By that point,
I was already feeling much better; sure, Mako poison rips me up pretty bad, but I'm a
tough bastard and I don't die that easy unless I want to--and right then, dying was the
last thing on my mind. I wasn't about to tell Cloud that I was feeling better, though; if
I did, he might stop his bone-melting ministrations. Let's just say that I was lucky I was
sitting in cold water, or I might've had some severe problems.
After about ten
minutes, though, he decided that my temperature was lowered sufficiently and I could be
taken out of the water; I had come to that conclusion over five minutes earlier when my
skin started doing that goose-bump thing and I got a feeling like someone had just dumped
ice down my shorts. By then it was nearing twilight, and as he took me over to the bed and
helped me back into my clothes he looked out the window and frowned.
"I've got
to go back to Cosmo Canyon or the others'll start to worry about me, " he said.
"But I'll be back as soon as I ditch them, okay?"
I got another
feeling like the ice-down-my-shorts chill, this time from shock. "You're coming
back?"
He shrugged.
"Well, yeah, " he said absently, and then--wonder of wonders--he gave me a real
smile, with just a hint of affection behind it. "I mean, I can't just leave you here
to die, can I, you stupid Turk?" Then he was gone, and I was left to stare after him
with my mouth open like a frog waiting for a juicy fly to buzz right in. Kee-rist, that
kid was just full of surprises.....
Sometime after
that I must have fallen asleep, 'cause the next thing I knew I was sitting up in bed and
the view out the window showed a starry, moonlit night; it must have been around midnight.
I felt completely rejuvenated; apparently the Mako in my body had finally consented to let
Cloud's Cure spell work, which meant bam! no more Mako poison, and that snake could
kiss my ass. There was a soft sound to my right that turned out to be Cloud snoring; he
was slumped in the chair next to the bed, arms crossed over his chest and head hanging--he
must have come back while I was sleeping.
I was feeling
playful--like I'm ever not--so I crept silently out of the bed and around to stand behind
Cloud; I put my hands over his eyes, and leaned over to whisper in his ear. "Wake up,
Sleeping Beauty."
He exploded
violently out of the chair, instinctively reaching for his sword and then stopping when he
realized it was me. "Goddamn stupid Turk!" he swore, glaring at me venomously; I
only grinned, feeling more mischievous than I had in years.
"What's
the matter, Cloud?" I taunted. "Not happy to see your patient fully
recovered?" (Didn't I already say I was a smartass? Shut up!)
He only glared
at me some more. "Stupid Turk, " he grumbled again; I only kept on smiling at
him, trying to fight back a laugh. The corners of his mouth twitched as he looked at me,
and then suddenly he was bursting into the dumbest grin I've ever seen in my life--and the
cutest one, too. The next thing we knew, we were both laughing hysterically over nothing,
until he collapsed into the chair, and I fell back on the bed holding my sides and eyes
overflowing with mirthful tears. I grinned over at him, stifling my laughter.
"You're
not bad, you know that, kid?"
He sat up,
brushing the moisture from his eyes and grinning back at me. "Yeah, " he said.
"You too, you stupid Turk."
"Aw, come
on, Cloud; I've got a name."
He cast me a
teasing glance. "Yeah, I know. Stupid Turk."
"Cloud!" I cried, and then grabbed a
pillow and threw it at him; he dodged, laughing, and then picked it up and proceeded to
beat me with it. I snatched up the other pillow from the bed and whacked him upside the
head with it, and suddenly I was in the middle of the most vicious pillow fight of my
life. Gods, I was having so much fun; suddenly Cloud had gone from a cold, emotionless
creature into a warm, vital, living person--and I was loving it, not even caring
about the irony of the situation. I don't think he cared either.
"Don't you
ever get tired of beating the shit out of me?" I asked right before favoring him with
another smack on the side of his head.
"Nope!" And with that he tossed his
pillow aside and threw himself on me, bearing me down to the bed and wrestling me into the
mattress with pleasing force. In case you hadn't figured it out, by then I was very
aroused--and having that delectable morsel straddling me and holding me down by the wrists
while grinning wickedly wasn't helping. I couldn't help myself; I worked one wrist free,
grabbed him by the front of the shirt, yanked him down and kissed him soundly on the lips.
If I hadn't
been nearly incoherent with desire, I would've found the situation funny. His jaw went
slack, and for one sweet moment he released his hold on me and melted into the kiss, mouth
passionately plundering mine--and then he realized who he was kissing, and jerked away
abruptly.
I nearly
groaned aloud in disappointment as the wonderful warmth of his body suddenly left me and
he stood; I sat up, and watched him as he paced away from me with a dazed expression on
his face. He was muttering under his breath, something along the lines of "damn
me....I just kissed the stupid Turk....son of a--" Well, you get the idea.
"Hey,
don't let it bug you, " I said, giving him my most winning smile--hey, I'm cute and I
know it; it would be a crime if I didn't use it. "It's not like we had sex or
anything, right?"
He glared at
me, recrimination and anguish burning in his eyes. "Shut up, Reno, " he snapped.
That hurt. Bad.
Not that he was angry, but that he was hurting even more because of me. Sometimes I'd like
to slap myself for acting on impulses, but it was already done. "I'm sorry, Cloud.
It--it just kind of happened."
He turned on
me, looking like he was about to rage at me, throttle me, anything, and then
suddenly all of the fury just deflated out of him and he kind of sagged, like
someone had just cut half of the supports holding him up. He slumped onto the bed next to
me, propping an elbow on his knee and leaning his head in his hand. "Why'd you do it,
Reno?"
Why did
I do it? Because I wanted him, so bad it made me want to scream. To tell him the truth--or
not? "Because you're beautiful, " I said, with more sincerity than I thought I
was capable of. "It just seemed like the right thing to do at the moment."
He turned a
frightening stare in my direction. "It seemed like the right thing to do, to kiss
me? Christ, Reno--"
Once again I
mentally slapped myself for being an impulsive fool. "Hey, Cloud, no problem; most
guys are girls-only, y'know? Sorry if I startled you."
He shook his
head morosely, once again resting his forehead in his palm. "It's not that."
It's
not?!?!?! I almost panicked then; for once in my life, I was at a loss for what to do
or say. "Umm....it's not?" I stammered.
"No,
" Cloud said, shaking his head again and lower lip trembling oh-so-temptingly.
"I don't know what it is, but you and me....I don't know." He took a deep,
ragged breath. "I need....I need something. I don't know why I'm telling you this,
but there's a part of me missing--and I want it back. And....part of that....is
ShinRa...Sector 7....Biggs...Jessie..."
"Cloud..." I murmured softly.
He shook his
head again, violently, voice ragged with stifled tears. "Don't."
He said
"don't", but I did anyway. I put my hand on his shoulder, and he looked up at me
with wide, anguished eyes--and burst into tears. Slowly, carefully, I put my arms around
him and drew him to me, holding him close; he surprised me by putting his arms around my
waist and clinging to me savagely, almost desperately, burying his face in my shoulder as
he wept.
Oh, Cloud,
I thought, cradling him as he spent who-knows-how-many years of pent-up pain and
frustration; I wanted so much to tell him how much I understood what he was feeling, to
say something that would instantly wipe away all his worries and bring a smile to his
sweet face. My beautiful Cloud, my poor fragile warrior....I was close to tears
myself; his suffering tore through me like a knife and hurt worse than any snake bite I've
ever heard of.
Eventually the
sobbing convulsions of his body slowed, and then stopped altogether, and we were quiet
together; sometime during his emotional outburst I had started rubbing his back gently,
and I did not stop. I heard the occasional sniffle, but nothing more; his grip on me
relaxed somewhat but he did not let go, and he turned his head so that his face was
resting in the crook of my neck, pleasantly warm. I turned my head so that my lips were
near his ear.
"Cloud?" I whispered, nearly afraid
to speak and break that moment.
"Mm?"
he murmured softly, nearly a whimper.
"You
okay?" There was a long moment of silence before he raised his head and looked at me,
still not breaking the circle of my arms.
"I am very
not okay, " he said, and then smiled bitterly. "But I'll get over
it."
"No you
won't." I smiled a little to take the sting out of my words. "But if it'll make
you feel any better, I won't either. I don't like what I have to do any more than you do.
If you want to know the truth, I'm sick of being a Turk. I just want to go find myself a
quiet mountain hut somewhere where I can hide with my goats and chickens and forget about
ShinRa and everything else."
Cloud's mouth
quirked, and he swallowed hard before more tears could come. "Any room in that hut
for an ex-SOLDIER?"
I squeezed him
tighter and chuckled. "Anytime, kid." He laid his head back on my shoulder; it
felt so good to hold him like that. "One day, Cloud, " I murmured, stroking his
back soothingly and reaching my other hand up to touch the back of his neck, "One day
we'll get away from all this. You'll see."
He moved his
arms from around my waist and reached up to wrap them around my neck, like a frightened
child--which he was, despite the fact that we're nearly the same age. I guess it's a
matter of experience. "I hope so, Reno."
That's when I
did it. I reached up and stroked the side of his face with my thumb, and when he raised
his head to stare at me with slightly frightened eyes....I kissed him again. Slowly,
leaning towards him and holding his gaze the entire time so that he could pull away if he
wanted to.
He didn't.
Oh, glorious
gods, thank you, I exulted inside as Cloud opened to me, melting into my lips and
arms; I nearly crushed him to me, wanting nothing more than to feel his beautiful body
against mine. I felt like my bones had turned to jelly as he returned my ardent kiss with
just as much passion, and he slid his arms from around my neck and down until they
tightened around my waist, clinging fiercely to me.
"Reno,
" he whimpered softly against my lips; my name came out as a shuddering gasp, and it
took only that one whispered word to arouse me completely. I moaned, shifting my weight to
press against him and then drawing him over, moving him so that his body was straddling
mine and I had to tilt my head up to hold the tantalizingly sweet pressure of his lips.
Cloud arced against me, and for a moment his hips ground into mine; I gasped as his groin
grazed mine, sending pinpoints of fire racing through my flesh and causing me to tear my
mouth away from his with a strained groan--and then I took his lips in mine with renewed
ardor; I could not bear to be parted from him.
This time it
was Cloud who pulled away, moving to sit next to me (instead of on me) and looking
extremely frightened--and who could blame him; I was thinking some terribly dirty thoughts
at the time, and I'm sure he could tell at least part of what was on my mind. I covered my
disappointment--and yes, my hurt--with a side-ways smile. "Hey, it's okay; if you
don't want to, then--"
"No, it's
not that, " he answered; the kid was just full of surprises. "Reno....I've
never, um....I've never--"
"You're
kidding."
He shook his
head, flushing with embarrassment. "I'm not."
"With
anyone? Male or female?" I would have laughed, but it might have hurt his feelings;
as it was, my incredulous expression caused him to blush even deeper and avert his eyes.
"No."
I shrugged,
fighting the urge to grin like an idiot; he had no idea just how enticing he was at that
moment. "No problem. But I have to ask you first; do you want to do this, or
not?" I'm terribly blunt sometimes.
He looked
really scared--I'm talking, like, deer-in-headlights-ohmigod- I'm-gonna-die scared--and
then the kid just reaches out, grabs me by the front of the shirt, and kisses me. Just
like that. Talk about a pole-axed steer....it took me several seconds to realize what even
happened, and then suddenly we were rolling back and forth on the bed, fighting for
dominance while at the same time kissing like the world was going to end and pawing each
other like Dorelon Razor Beasts in mating season. Needless to say, I was in heaven.
Finally I
managed to roll him over so that I was on top and pinned him down by the wrists; I
reluctantly parted my lips from his and looked down at him. He was flushed and breathless,
eyes sparkling--and utterly gorgeous. I released one of his hands to reach up and stroke
the soft skin of his face with the back of my hand; he smiled just a little.
"You are
so beautiful, " I whispered, and his smile widened the tiniest bit--a serious
achievement, 'cause that kid never smiles. It made my heart leap to see such an expression
of joy on his face, and suddenly I realized: I love this kid. The thought hit me
like an Ice Spell straight to the crotch, and as I looked into his eyes I saw that he knew
it, too--and he accepted it. He wasn't sure if he could love me back, but that was okay
because my heart and soul were lost to this boy, this man, this child warrior trapped in
the life and body of someone far older and colder.
His eyes were
still glimmering with tears. "Stupid Turk, " he murmured, reaching up to brush
the red mess I call my hair out of my face and then running his fingers through the loose
strands. My hair came loose from its tousled ponytail, and fell forward to part around his
face and tangle with his blonde locks--red on gold. Leaning forward, I kissed him again,
hungrily, wanting only to savor this delicious creature that now belonged entirely to me.
Cloud closed his eyes and shuddered as my lips found their way around the line of his jaw
and down his neck; I reached down and pulled on the bottom of his shirt, tugging it out of
his belt while still flicking my tongue along the soft skin of his neck and breathing
deeply of his scent. He smelled so good--like sun-warmed stone, if that's a smell that can
really be described.
I slid my hand
under the hem of his shirt, letting it slide slowly along his stomach and relishing the
feeling of the flat, hard planes of muscle under my palm. He shivered as my hands
roamed over his body, caressing his soft golden skin, and I moved to kiss him again,
ravishing his delicious mouth with my own, tasting him and nearly losing myself in the
rapture that was Cloud. He was letting out little moans and whimpers, moving against
me as I teased him, and to be perfectly honest he was driving me wild--to the point where
as I raised him up to remove his shirt I couldn't because I was unwilling to release his
lips.
He pushed me away and smiled before
raising his arms and shrugging out of his shirt, revealing more of his magnificently
sculpted body to me. "Stupid Turk, " he murmured; that was all he had time
to get out, for I seized him hungrily and began kissing him with a new ferocity before I
moved my lips to whisper in his ear.
"Oh,
no; you don't get away that easily." I pushed him back on the bed, almost
roughly, and began to slowly kiss my way down his chest. "You know my name; say
it. Say Reno."
He shook
his head vehemently even as my gentle touches caused him to claw at the sheets.
"Stupid Turk, " he muttered stubbornly.
"Wrong
answer, Cloud, " I murmured, and then my mouth found one of his nipples and closed
over it. He let out a long, gasping moan that nearly did it for me then and there,
and I smiled inwardly; I wanted Cloud to enjoy this. "Say my name, " I
whispered around the hard little bud in my mouth; he shuddered convulsively, arcing
upwards for a moment as my breath teased the sensitive spot.
"Stupid
Turk, " he hissed between clenched teeth.
I smiled again,
this time for real. "Last chance, " I whispered, planting a kiss right in
the center of his abdomen and watching the muscles ripple in spasmodic reaction--and then
I let my hand stray from his hip and around to ever-so-lightly brush his crotch, and he
arced upwards with a near-agonized moan.
"R-re-Reno...." he cried,
gasping between each syllable as he pressed his body into mine; I grinned wickedly.
"Good boy, " I answered,
bringing my lips close to his in preparation to kiss him yet again. "Now here's
your prize." Even in a moment of passion, I can't seem to avoid the cheesy
lines.....
Words can't possibly describe what
happened between us that night, and I won't even attempt to go into sordid detail; that
was something strictly private, something special between me and Cloud. But
something inside of me broke that night, something hard and cold and unfeeling, and it was
replaced by something--someone--who wanted nothing more than to love Cloud, and protect
him, and please him. I've never known real love before; sure, there's always been
sex, but it's different with someone like that; it's not just sex, it's lovemaking, pure
animal lust tempered by a deeper feeling that can't be expressed, only experienced.
I lost a part of myself that night, but as Cloud turned, yawing, wanting to be held
in my arms and myself wanting to oblige, I gained something as well--probably the heart
that I thought I had lost.
Ack, I sound like something off of
a department-store greeting card.....
So now my life
is a living hell, even though it's hard to think so with this blonde head nestled in the
crook of my shoulder and these arms wrapped firmly, almost possessively, around my waist.
Maybe my life always was a hell, and I never realized it; maybe I just wasn't looking at
it the right way. Either way, it's going to seem a lot worse from now on--but I still have
tonight.
And so, I hold
my precious warrior tightly in my arms as he drowses off to sleep, feather-light breaths
tickling my chest just barely as he snuggles into my embrace. I drop a tender kiss into
his spiky blonde hair, and then squeeze him tighter; I don't want to let him go, or leave
this golden moment behind. When we awake in the morning, we'll be deadly enemies again;
this night of sweetness will be set aside, and once again we'll hunt each other's blood. I
don't want to hurt him any more, but I will. That's the nature of the roles we play.
But that does
not stop me from loving him.
