When I awoke, I scanned the area to find out where I was. Then I remembered that I had fallen asleep separated from the campsite since my arm had been broken. I tilted my head to look down at my arm, and saw that it was resting on top of my stomach, but there was another arm there, a female arm no doubt. I studied the pink glove that covered her hand, and quickly assumed it was Mimi, 'But wait,' I thought to myself, 'Mimi wears brown gloves oddly enough.' I looked over to my right to see Sora sleeping soundly next to me. She was a great friend to have, since Sora was always looking out for others, and comforting them. I watched her as her chest rose and dropped in evenly long breaths. There was no reason to wake her, so I decided to quietly slip out from her hold and go for a walk.
I gently removed her arm from my chest, and placed it delicately next to her. She groaned, and shifted her position slightly, but remained sleeping. I had to put all of my strength on my right arm as I pushed myself into a sitting position and then stood up. I yawned and stretched out my tight limbs from the tiresome night. It was just the beginning of dawn, since I could see the sun peeking over the tops of the trees. It was a beautiful and peaceful morning, although there was still the brisk morning chill in the air. Before I began to walk, I turned around to make sure Agumon and everyone else was still sound asleep. To my dismay, Matt was nowhere to be found, along with Gabumon.
'Oh well,' I thought, 'No reason to go searching for him, after all, I might be killed this time.'
I started to walk off to where Joe was keeping look out. A smirk spread across my face as I decided to give Joe a little bit of a rude awakening. I hunched over and tiptoed out to Joe and Gomamon at their post. When I was directly behind Joe, I jumped at him and yelled, "BOO!"
Poor Joe nearly jumped out of his skin. He spun around quickly and lost his balance, falling backwards onto the hysterical Gomamon. Gomamon playfully pushed Joe off and continued to roll on the ground with laughter.
"I don't see what's so funny," Joe said matter-of-factly.
"Joe, you nearly wet your pants!" I laughed.
"That's not true. I just wasn't expecting you to surprise me like that. You would've scared anyone Tai!" Joe said. He was beginning to get defensive.
"Don't worry about it man. I'm sorry Joe, it's just that you were a sitting duck there, and there was no way I could resist. Sorry I shocked you so much," I said apologetically.
"It's all right," Joe answered.
"Thanks," I said as I began to walk away.
"Where are you going Tai?" Gomamon inquired.
"Uh, just for a walk. It's so nice out this morning," I stated.
"OK, just be careful with that arm. Don't trip over anything," Joe called out to me as I continued to walk away.
I continued to walk along the bank of the river, enjoying the peaceful sound of the water wash up on land. There was cool breeze that blew in my face and made me shiver. I reached up with my right hand and took off my goggles, allowing my thick brown hair to fall down in front of my face. I really needed a haircut because I could see the huge mop on my head fall in front of my eyes and tickle my nose. It hadn't been this long in years.
I decided to go to the river's edge and sit down. As I did, I noticed a figure close to me by my left. I turned to see who was there, and found Matt sleeping peacefully next to Gabumon. He was curled up with his back against Gabumon's, obviously trying to keep warm, but as usual did it so nonchalantly, as to make it seem that he didn't mean to be so close to Gabumon. Another wind breezed past us, and I saw Matt shiver from the chill. Gabumon on the other hand was completely warm, since he has that thick fur to keep him warm all the time.
Suddenly, I got the urge to go over and talk to Matt. I wanted to tell him what had really happened last night, hoping that I could possibly clear things up with him. I stood up once again and slowly approached the sleeping Matt. I leaned over him and gently tapped him on the shoulder. Matt was a relatively light sleeper, so he grunted and shoed my hand away. I tried again, this time whispering, "Matt, I need to talk to you."
Matt rolled onto his back, ran his left hand through his hair and rubbed his eyes. When he finally opened his eyes, he was met with mine staring back into his. He looked surprised to see me, I figured that was because he thought I wouldn't dare go near him again. Then, as if it wasn't weird enough that I wanted to talk to the guy that had recently broke my arm, I felt the sudden urge to hug him. Matt was sitting up by now, so I quickly leaned in closer to hug him, but as I did, something unexpected happened. Instead of a simple hug, I proceeded to give Matt a tender peck on the lips as I held him close with my right arm.
Matt pulled away from me, with a look of disbelief on his face. That look of disbelief quickly turned to confusion and then to anger. I watched as Matt narrowed his eyes and scrunched up his nose. He pushed himself upwards, so that he was now standing, and looking down at me, his hands were tightly clenched fists at his sides. Matt glared down at me, and then it finally hit me. I realized what I had just done and instead of being scared and confused, I felt only one emotion. Happiness. To me, the kiss was actually a pleasant experience, but from one look at Matt's face, I could tell that he did not feel as I did. I cringed and backed up a few feet before standing up. Then I steadily back-peddled, until there was about ten feet between the two of us. I suddenly turned and bolted into a full-fledged sprint back to camp. The entire time, I could feel Matt's eyes penetrating through me, straight into my soul.
I finally reached camp and saw that Kari, Sora, TK, Izzy and Joe were all sitting around the campfire, passing out breakfast. In a small group to their side sat Palmon, Patamon, Agumon, Gomamon, Biyomon and Tentamon. Mimi was still slumbering and looked quiet content with the dream she was having. 'Probably shopping,' I murmured.
"Oh Tai! Where were you?" Kari said as she ran into my good arm.
"I was just taking a short walk. I…I have to go do something," I stuttered as I backed away from her. I couldn't stand looking at them, especially Kari's and TK's large innocent eyes. Everyone was staring at me and watched my actions with puzzled looks on their faces. Even Izzy looked dumbfounded as I rapidly left the group again. As I was turning around to leave again, I heard footsteps behind me. I glanced over my shoulder and saw Kari, TK and Agumon following me.
"Tai? Where are you going now?" Agumon questioned. I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything at all. I just continued to walk away as I quickened my steps.
"Tai! Please come back! Tai!" Kari called out to me. She was my sister, and I couldn't face her, or even myself for that matter. There was no way she would understand what had just happened or what I was feeling. I didn't want to confuse her. I didn't want to confuse Agumon or TK either, so I ran as fast as my legs would carry me towards the woods. Pleas and questions were yelled at me from behind, but I ignored all of them. I was ashamed of myself, and could not face my friends. Upon reaching the woods, I sat down behind a large tree and cried into my arms.
"What is wrong with me?" I uttered. "What was I thinking when I kissed Matt. Better yet, why did I like it? Am I crazy?"
I slouched against the tree and continued to weep quietly to myself, when I heard footsteps slowly closing in on me. My face remained buried in my arms, I didn't want anyone to see me like this. I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder, and I jerked my head around to see who was there. It was my trusty digimon, Agumon. I released a slight sigh of relief when I realized it was my friend Agumon.
"Tai?" He asked cautiously, "Are you feeling OK?"
"Oh Agumon. You wouldn't understand. There are so many confusing thoughts running through my head right now. I…I just can't think straight anymore," I mumbled to my worrisome friend. I looked up to see compassion in his eyes as he sat trying to make sense of my actions. "Hey, don't rack your brain so hard to understand me. Even I don't know what I'm doing," I joked.
"But Tai, why did you run away from us all? We are your friends, and we can help you through it, whatever it is," Agumon reassured me.
'No, you can't. Not this time,' I thought. I sadly gazed back down at my feet. I was disgusted with the person I had become. I felt like I was letting everyone down, in more ways than one. I was not a good leader, and Matt never hesitated to point that out. I was not being a friend to anyone now, since all I did was push them away. I didn't even feel the need to fight against the Dark Masters anymore, I just felt depressed and upset. Finally, as if that wasn't enough, I exhibited strange, passionate emotions towards Matt. 'Why, damn it? Why was I such a fucked up person?!' I screamed at myself inside my head.
"Agumon, I…I'm afraid," I confessed. Then I leaned my head on his shoulder for support and started sobbing again. He comforted me, by rubbing my back.
"Is there something I can help you with?" Agumon asked me.
"No, no. It's just, it's just that I'm so confused right now," I started. Then, before I could stop myself and I continued to tell him everything that had happened to me last night and this morning. "Oh Agumon! There is something extremely messed up about me. Last night, the reason the fight started between Matt and me was because I saw him take a bath. But it's not like I went over to see what he was doing, and then I left. No, instead I stood there, just watching him and examining him as he bathed in the river. Matt intrigued me, and I couldn't take my eyes off of him. Why not? Why the hell couldn't I just leave? Why do I have to be such a fucked up freak?! As if that wasn't enough, I saw Matt again this morning and planned to apologize, but instead I hugged him and kissed him on the lips. What the hell is wrong with me? Matt is going to be afraid to even walk near me now! Damn it! I'm so screwed up Agumon. You have no idea," I whined to him as I broke down crying again.
Agumon wasn't sure of what to make of this. He had never had to deal with anything about emotions before. Agumon looked at his weeping friend and concluded that it must be something serious. So, he told me to try and forget about it. Maybe Matt won't be as upset as I thought he would, just like Agumon had told me. But I knew better. Even though Agumon was trying his best to comfort me, I knew the horrible truth. Matt was going to kill me.
I lifted my head up, and began to stand up. I looked at Agumon and saw sympathy in his eyes, so I smiled at him and told him I'd be back at camp in a little while. He nodded and walked back to camp. I called after him to tell everyone I'd be back soon. Agumon grinned at me, and resumed walking towards the campsite. I still needed some time to myself to sort out my feelings, thoughts, and to recuperate. There was no way I was going to let anyone see my tear streaked face. I was supposed to be brave and courageous, not wimpy and afraid. I paced around in that spot for a few minutes, drying and rubbing my bloodshot eyes. Eventually I looked at my digivice and decided that it was time to go back to the rest of the group.
I took my time walking back to the group, for I was in no hurry to return and see their looks of shock, disbelief, disgust and confusion on their faces, because I had already concluded in my head the Agumon told everyone my confession. Upon arriving, I heard Kari's voice first.
"Tai! You're back! This time will you stay with me?" She asked excitedly.
"You mean, you're not angry or afraid of me?" I questioned.
"No! Why, should I be? I missed you Tai, but now that you are back, I'm so happy!" Kari said happily.
"Tai! Look, Matt came back too finally!" TK yelled to me.
My gaze slowly drifted to his figure standing next to his brother. As my eyes met his, I saw them narrow and then he turned his face away sharply. 'Oh man,' I thought, 'having Matt react so coldly towards me is worse then him beating the crap out of me.' I didn't want to look at him anymore, he just made me more depressed and ashamed than I already was. I continued to solemnly walk back to the others. Mimi was awake already and just finishing her breakfast.
"Here Tai, we saved you some," Sora's soothing voice said.
"Thanks," I smiled.
"Don't mention it. We couldn't let our leader go famished for the day, could we?" Sora kidded.
I winced at that word, "leader". I was no more of a leader than Sora was cold-hearted. Unfortunately, Sora had seen the look on my face as she spoke the word leader. She tilted her head to one side and walked up to me. Sora lovingly placed a hand on my right arm and looked at me compassionately. I looked at her caring eyes, and they seemed to be asking, 'Tai, what's wrong?' I couldn't tell her what I was feeling inside, so to hold back my feelings I had to look away, and pull my arm away from her. I grabbed the plate away from her violently and sat down to eat alone. My focus remained on the fruits in my dish, because I knew that if I looked at Sora's face, I would find hurt and misunderstanding in her expression.
I continued to shove food in my mouth when I heard Sora silently walk away from me. Then Mimi's whiny voice perked up.
"Tai! Why are you being so mean to Sora?!" She demanded.
"I'm not being mean Mimi. Please, just leave me alone for now," I begged.
"No, no, no! First you leave us here, worried sick about where you went. Then you come back, and shun us away the second we try to get you to sit down with us. Then, you leave us again! Now you have come back, and your first action of business is to hurt Sora's feelings. What's the matter with you, you big jerk?!" She yelled furiously.
I looked up at Mimi, and saw her cheeks were all flushed from the yelling and accusing she had just been doing. I turned my gaze to the hunched over figure of Sora sitting by the fire. She had her back to me. Next was Izzy, his head just popping up over his yellow laptop, and watching Mimi's every move. Behind him stood Joe, his hands dangling at his sides, and his eyes were fixed on me. His facial expression was blank, as he calmly waited for my answer to Mimi's question. Then I saw TK and Kari both looking at Mimi, with confusion in their eyes. They were probably wondering what made Mimi so upset with me. Finally, further to my left, Matt stood looking away from me with his arms crossed. He couldn't even bear to look at me anymore. All of the Digimon were glancing around at everyone, trying to understand what was going on. I took in a deep breath, and decided that now was as good a time as ever to tell them the truth about Matt and me.
"OK, I can't hide it any longer," I spoke just above a whisper. At my statement I saw Matt turn around with a look of discomfort and fear in his eyes. He couldn't believe I was going to tell all of them.
"TK and Kari, go play by the river," Matt commanded.
"But why?" They said simultaneously.
"Just do it!" He screamed at them.
"Fine!" TK yelled. He and Kari both got up and walked silently over to the river. Matt was setting the stage for me. He turned back to face me, as if to say, 'All right, go ahead and tell them.'
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