Our story begins near a clear lake, with the shining light shimming like jewels on the water's edge...
***
::Tanya Izumi, famous digi-fic writer (in theory) crumples idea and starts over.::
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Our story begins in a cave, cold and dark, with emotions running high...
***
::"Dammit, this sucks!" Tanya cries angrily, pounding on the desk. "I am so tired of writing serious stories!!!!"
Then, a sick and twisted idea comes to Tanya's mind......
::Grins evilly::
"Who SAID it had to be SERIOUS??" ^_~
***
We find our lovable (and not so loveable ::coughTKcough::) in the lame-ass DigiWorld, trying to find evil or whatever...we are not going to focus on that now...
Ok, we are not going to focus on that AT ALL.
What we ARE going to focus on is lots more fun and lots better and getting attention! (It's what the readers' want!)
ANYWAY, all of our fave characters are running, scampering over the grassy hills.
Ah, it's great to be young...
Maybe not fo TAI, though....
***
For, you see, before they went to the DigiWorld for the second time ::yawn::, Tai looked in his dad's closet, and found a neat magazine!
It had a bunch of pretty girls in it, and they were posing weird.
Tai didn't care...he read the whole thing.
Well, I guess you really can't say "read"...it's not really a "reading" thing, more of a "staring" and "drooling" thing.
Ever since Tai saw that magazine, he felt...*funny*. Everytime Sora would walk by him, he got so HARD, he could cut GLASS with that thing!!!
Tai's mom got worried when, instead of buying his regular CD's(DMX, Will Smith), he was buying Sisqo (Thong Song) and Bloodhound Gang (The Bad Touch) CD's!!
"Uh, there's good songs on here, Mom! Really!" Tai gulped nervously.
Tai's mom wasn't born yesterday...so she told Mr. Kamiya about all this stuff.
Then, "The Talk" was in order, Mr. Kamiya said sternly, and Tai had to sit through 2 HOURS worth of his dad saying the words "ovary", "fallopian tubes", and "fertilization".
Tai was scarred for life...but he still wanted Sora's bod...BAD. ^^*
***
And so, back in the Digiworld ::yawn::, Tai was having MAJOR guy problems.
He needed to get some....or he may burst!
(Thank God he stole about 20 condoms from his dad! ^^*)
"Uhhh...Sora?" Tai asked for her meekly, practically cupping his crotch and bending his knees.
"Yes Tai? Sora asked, all smiles.
"Well, Sora...'when I think about you, I only think of one thing...you know what *that* is...'"
Tai starts to sing Whoa's "Rub One Out" to Sora!
(Note: "Rub One Out" is a song about gettin' down wit' yo bad self...it was also from the MTV movie of 2ge+her).
"So, wanna do it?" Tai asks eagarly, almost hopping up and down.
Sora slaps him in the face, knees him in the groin, and kisses him HARD!
*(Don't ask me to explain Sora...she is like a 1970 Rubric's Cube)*
"Sure Tai, let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel...." Sora purrs, taking a line from the ever-so-cool Bloodhound Gang.
"WOOOHOOOO!!!! I'M GETTIN' SOME LOVIN' WHILE THE GETTIN'S HOT!", he screeches. He digs into he pocket, grabs about 10 condoms, and shows them to Sora.
"Ribbed, cherry-flavored, or glow-in-the-dark?", he urges.
Sora takes careful consideration.
"Try ribbed...no, wait!! The glowing one...no, WAIT! Um...the..the..." Sora mumbled, trying to decide.
"Just PICK a fricken one, Sora! It's not like you'll be able to *see* it for long!!" Tai bellows.
Man, those horomones are relationship KILLERS!
She was just about to knee him in the groin again, when Matt shows up behind the bushes.
"Yo, what's up. What are you guys doing here?", Matt says (yum!).
Just thern, Tai looks at Matt....Ah, those eyelashes on HIM! That body, so strong, yet...fragile. That hair, so wild....yet tame.
Tai was just about to bust a nut when Matt saw the pretty colored packages Tai was holding.
"You...you guys are gonna knock boots!??" Matt said...AND STARTED TO LAUGH!
"Hey! I am an *adequate* male, so shut your pie hole!" Tai screeches, only loud enough for *dogs* to hear.
Back at the campsite, Mimi's head snaps up. "What was that *sound*?" (ha ha!)
Back at the cool part of the forest, Tai grabs Matt and throws him down.
"Oaf!" Matt groans as he hits the ground, and Tai straddles on Matt's stomach.
"Uhhh..Tai?" Matt asked nervously.
"What?!" Tai asks, confused.
"Is that a...roll of dimes in your pants, or are you happy to see me?" Matt askes slyly.
"Oh jeez!" Tai gasps. "I guess I'm *happy* to see you, then!"
"Well well..." Matt's voice starts to go deep. ::drool:: "Aren't we the horny little devil?"
"Are *you*?" Tai murmures.
Matt looks up. "Yes!"
Tai laughs wickedly. "IT'S GO TIME!" he yells, grabs Matt, and starts to kiss him frantically, while Matt does more of the same.
"Ick! This is too weird! If there is gonna be any sex, it will be hetero! Where's *Izzy*?, she askes, running to the campsite.
***
::Back at Tanya Izumi's Secret Lair, she looks over this piece of garbage she just wrote::
Man, this is HORRIBLE!!! This is the worst thing I have ever written! I should be punished severely for wasting peoples' lives from reading this!" Tanya cries, smacking her forehead.
"Ug, this is *too* much!"
*I WILL END THE STORY NOW, SO AS TO NOT MAKE ANY FALL ASLEEP*
-Thank you for reading this piece of s***-
Mail the author: Tanya