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1. Wayne Gretzky, Mario Lemieux and Steve Yzerman all die and meet in heaven. God is sitting in his chair waiting for them. God says to the three legends, gentleman before I let you in, you must tell me what you believe. "Mario we'll start with you, in what do you believe?" "I believe hockey is the greatest thing in the world and the best sport in history" To that god says "take the seat to my left" God then turns to Steve and says, "Steven, in what do you believe?" To which Steve replies "I believe to be the best, you've got to give every ounce you've got!" To that god says "take the seat to my Right" God then turns to number 99 and says "Wayne, tell me what do you believe?" To which Wayne replies I believe you are sitting in my seat 

2. Teemu Selanne and Chris Pronger accidentally walked into a gay bar. They had just sat when a man walked up to Teemu and asked him to dance. Horrified, he turned to Pronger and whispered, "Help me out of this!" So Pronger grabs the guy, slams him up against the wall and mumbles something menacingly into his face. Once let out of his clutches, the guy apologized and hurried away. Wow, Teemu says, "Thanks, what did you say to him?" Prongs shrugged and replied, "Told him we're on our honeymoon."  

3. A Kindergarten teacher tells her class she's a BIG Flyers fan. She's really excited about it and asks the kids if they're Flyers fans too. Everyone wants to impress the teacher and say they are too, except ONE kid named Dougie.. the teacher looks at Dougie and says, "Doug, you're not a Flyers fan?" He says, "Nope, I'm a Leafs fan!" She says, "Well why are you a Leafs fan and not a Flyers fan?" to which Dougie replies, "Well, my mom is a Leafs fan, and my dad is a Leafs fan, so I'm a Leafs fan." The teacher's not real happy. She's a little hot under the collar. She says, "Well, if your moms an idiot, and your dads a moron, then what would you be?!" Dougie says, "Then I'd be a Flyers fan!" 

4. Why is the Hockey Hall Of Fame in Toronto? It's the only way Leafs fans can get to see the Stanley Cup! 

5. A young leaf fan scores some tickets off a scalper for a Leafs vs Habs contest at the ACC - the seat sucks but its all they had. Early in the first he notices an empty seat up in the first few rows - Halfway through the game, the seat is still vacant, so he wanders down to it - he asks the man sitting next to the empty seat what the deal is with the empty seat - the man replies "This seat was for my wife but she died a few days ago - "The man nods in acknowledgment, but before he goes he asks "How come you didn't just give the extra ticket to a friend or family member?" The man replies: "They're all at the funeral"

6. There was a huge fire at the All-Star game. Three hockey fans, wearing the jerseys of their favorite teams, were stranded on the roof; a Montreal fan, a Toronto fan and a Sens fan. The fire department came with a blanket and yelled to the Canadiens fan to jump. He jumped and they moved the blanket to the right and he hit the sidewalk with a splat. Then they called to the Toronto fan to jump. He said that he wouldn't jump. The firemen explained that they hated the Canadiens. The fan said he hated them too and jumped. Again, the fire department moved the blanket to the right and the fan hit with a splat. Finally they called to the Sens fan to jump. He said that he wouldn't jump. The fire department said they really hated the Leafs to which he replied, "I don't trust you. Lay the blanket down, and then I'll jump!"