It's hard to find a place to begin when you can't even remember the beginning. It's better
that way, I guess... to feel that you've known a person as long as you've been alive... to
feel that if you were ever without that person that life would not be life anymore, just a
routine that you're forced to succumb to... a path that you have to follow, looking over
your shoulder to make sure that yeah... you really ARE alone in life.
Luckily... I'm not. I have a best friend. It's funny when you think about it. Here I am, 23
years old... or young as some people may think... but it's old to me. And still I cling
to this person, as if without her I'd be something less. And because of her, I am something
more.
I owe a lot to her. Every smile, every tear... it all connects, eventually. It doesn't
matter if the situation has nothing to do with her, I find myself wanting to tell her what
happened, how I felt, and what it meant to me, and the incredible urge to find out what she
would have done, what it would have meant to her... how she feels.
And it hasn't been easy. I've fucked up more than once, hell... more than twice or three
times... but all the while she forgave me. I wasn't sure at first if it was genuine... if
she was just forgiving me to get inside this crazy shell and break it open... or if she
had ulterior motives... some plan to ruin me. That's stupid, because now I know that not
every single person that tells you something in confidence is lying. She taught me that...
she taught me to trust people, to trust myself... to laugh at inconsistencies... to notice
unmatching hubcaps... it's so funny but in a way so serious.
We have not been jumping through
ordinary obstacles these past 2 years. The events and happenings would have killed someone
else; would have destroyed self-esteems, would have resulted in hideous drug addictions (versus
juvenile cold medicine cravings) and intensely damaging emotional withdrawal. However we've
gotten past all of that... past the systems that have tried to manipulate us... past all of
the hardships and the bullshit... and we're only stronger because of it.
So I guess all I have to say about my best friend is that I thank God for her. For her laughter,
for her sensitivity and compassion... for her support and her love of not only me but my
children as well. I'm not sure what I'd be without her but I know I'd be less. Tia Pangallo, I
love you.
