In loving Memory
"Hawke"
1996-March 21, 2004
"One of God's Special Sons"
We enjoy warmth because we have been cold. We appreciate light because we have been in darkness.
By the same token, we can experience joy because
we have known sadness.
--David Weatherford
Does life stop after we leave here? Or does it continue? What about our animal friends and teachers? That has long been the debate of many people and religions. I, however, am not here to debate or try to convince anyone to believe that other than they already do. What I can choose to do though, is to offer my services for those whose companions who have passed into spirit from this life. You may wonder what the difference is, or how speaking with them is done, I will tell you how it is for me. It really isn't anything different than the way we speak with those that are here, now. We use the description and name, age at passing and try to find them in the after place. I find that the longer the time span between passing and the communication is, the harder it can be to find those that have passed. Sometimes this is due to the fact that some say they become very detached and no longer associate with the form they previously had, as well as some may have already moved on to the next life and form. As a result they may not always remember who they were before and answer the call to that form. Generally, they keep a connection to those they loved and do not forget us. It is that connection that helps me find them.
Why Talk After?
Some people ask why would you want to speak with one who has passed over? I believe it can be very healing, and I have experienced this myself. I have been put in the position of making the passing decision for a beloved friend, when I wasn't sure whether they were ready to go; but the body was ill and in pain. It wasn't something I had the luxury of going home and thinking over. So I asked him, Moglet, one of my closest feline companions that I had raised since birth. The only answer I got was hard to decipher, but I saw the heavens as bright stars in a dark sky and felt weightlessness. I knew then that he wanted to feel relieved of this heavy body and existence, but I still was unsure. I felt as if I was giving up on him, due to circumstances I couldn't control; but it was time and I had to follow the obscure answer I had been given. I grieved. I felt as if I had let him down, and wondered if he was angry or felt the same. So I asked Debbie to speak with him. I didn't tell her the reasons, only to ask if I had done the right thing. He was there and said yes, he had been afraid most of his life of the outside world when I was away, and in spirit his body would no longer hurt and he could always be with me; and he could Heal. It was more than I expected and it made my conscience and heart whole again. I had done the right thing for him, and he helped me forgive myself, and realize that I could still "hear" clearly enough answers even when I was in the middle of a crisis; and that was a most important realization.
Knowing When
Unfortunately I have since then I had to help others decide, or to pass along messages saying "I am ready." Sadly we are often not. I have heard people say, "I think my dog hurts, but I don't know how bad, I don't know if it is worth dealing with the pain for her everyday." "The vet says there isn't anything we can do for her", or likewise, "the vet says there is an operation we can do, but its major, I don't know what the dog wants." I am sad when I see people give up early when there was much more that could be done and the companion wasn't quite ready, yet in reverse the other way around is even more painful to see. The only real advice I can offer is this; If you have loved them and they have loved you, look into their eyes and see if there is a dullness, or if the light shines still, and most importantly be quiet for a moment and ask for guidance from whomever you pray to, and look into your heart and you will know. Even for people unpracticed in communication, there is still a connection and if only for that moment you find it, you will know it by the feeling of rightness in yourself and the decision.
Max, and the way it was Meant to Be
There are also those other times, the times that seem to come up all to often. "There is something we can do, but I don't have enough money to afford it." This happens, it isn't anyone's fault, and yes the animals actually do understand. I have been there as well, ( I have a habit of bringing the older cats home from the pound, and often they are not in good health. We do the very best we can for them, and it beats passing in a cold cage all alone. ) I had a wonderful friend named Max, and he had a recurrent blockage in his bladder. I took him to one vet and they unplugged it and told me very little about it and said there was nothing that could be done. I heard him crying the whole time, I was angry, they had hurt him, and gave me very little to work with. I watched him and tried to help him, we did Reiki and other natural things, within a couple of days though he had plugged again. I went to another vet this time, and they were very upset when I told them what had occurred before. They told me of another method, a surgery to change his urinary tract into one similar to a female's, one that would be open to a little more possibility of infection but it was the only way to keep the blockages from coming back. I said great, how do we do this, and bless them, they tried to work with me and payments, but the other veterinarian had already sucked a good amount out of me and I had very little left. The surgery with the testing and the pain medication and hospitalization came to a total nearing $1200.00. My heart broke, it was something I could not do, even if I had emptied my pockets. The veterinarians were kind, exceptionally, and they let me know that it was not my fault, and that they would give me time to think it over. I did and I looked at Max, I felt a resistance and the faint impression of no more, no more pain. I knew I would miss his dynamically huge presence that filled the house. I could do nothing to save him, I could only keep him from a very painful and cruel death of rupturing. So we did, and I tried to say goodbye. I felt so much guilt, I hurt and I blamed myself as only humans can do. Once again, I asked Debbie to help and told her only that he had passed. He came through immediately and told me I would never have to say goodbye, he would always walk next to me, and he said I had understood him correctly, and then he showed Debbie an image of his body and she saw disease everywhere, in his kidneys, bladder and liver. He would never have even made it through the anesthesia. He said he felt our healing and love, he choose not to accept that healing, because his body was no longer any good, and he was ready to leave. I had only had him a couple of weeks but he became the household presence and became a huge part of everyone's heart, we had gone to the pound looking for a different cat, and we saw him and I was drawn immediately, the words he told Debbie were wonderful yet bittersweet.
"I looked for you and when you came in I called your attention for a reason. I wanted to be loved before I left, I did not want to die in a cage. I have been given great love, and I will always be beside you. You do not need to say goodbye."
It was not meant for him to stay longer, and it was not meant for us to "fix"him. I believe the money was Spirit's way of getting the message through my sometimes thick skull. We loved and were blessed greatly in return, and the lessons were invaluable.
And we never have said goodbye.
A Message from Hawk, a rescue horse and friend, to Carol, received on March 21, 2004 after his passing.
-For a Moment-
I ran for a moment,
in the fields of the greenest green,
I walked for a moment,
in the brightest sunshine and lived,
I felt joy for a moment,
and it was the best gift you could have given,
In return, I carried you for a moment,
To cherished places buried deep,
For you carried me for a moment,
When I was too weak to stand,
I laid there for a moment,
In the warmth like summer rain,
I want you to know that in a moment,
A lifetime can last, and yours was the best I had in mine,
I loved you for a moment,
With all the love this heart could give,
And then, I breathed there for a moment,
With a breath of strain,
I saw you for a moment,
Through eyes clouded by pain,
I felt your hands for a moment,
And God’s light held me aloft,
I heard your prayers for a moment,
And felt the greatest strength from above,
I saw my lifetime pass in a moment,
All the light and pain,
You held me for that moment,
Between here and the other place,
I was loved for a moment,
And it was the best love god ever gave,
I was loved for a moment,
And it was worth that lifetime of pains,
I will live forever in a moment,
The forever that Spirit gives,
I will soar for a moment,
In the most beautiful flight,
I was loved for the longest moment,
And it made it all, all right,
I was loved in the last moment,
And for that, I would live it all again-
In Loving Honor to all who have passed through my life
whether for a short time or a long stay. They are with me always
and each one was a blessing all it's own.
