Randomosity
Fuchsianess
Pinkness
Blueness
Greenness
I am deidicating this orangey page to my geniusism. It is going to consist of FUNNY jokes (many of these were contributed by the mighty Hannah, who is currently locked in a tower), things I've said in the past, songs I've composed and limericks...because they're great. And read the bellow script...it's great.
"Within the Cave of No Return lies the mystical Armour of Invincibility."
Glass Jokes...the best jokes around.
Optimist: The glass is half-full.
Songs I composed
We put out hands on our head
We all live in a tub of margarine, tub of margarine, tub of maragarine
My name is Arnold
If you go down to the slopes today, you're in for a big surprise
Quotes
A pickle would be ashamed of your IQ.
"Wait...if it's a Cave of No Return, how does anyone know what's inside it?"
"......Well, where would YOU hide a mystical suit of Armour of Invincibility?"
"OK, Chuckles, next time I pick the adventures..."
Pessimist: The glass is half-empty.
Feminist: HIS glass is more full than MY glass.
Anarchist: Break the glass!
Chauvinist: Why does SHE have a glass?
Royalist: Where's my goblet?!
Capitalist: We can sell the glass!
Environmentalist: Save the water, dude!
Chemist: 40% nitrogen, 10% oxygen and 50% H2O
Realist: The glass is.
Idealist: The glass should be full.
Philosopher: Prove to me that the glass exists.
Psychologist: This glass conundrum is surely a symbol of your insecurity, confusion and unfulfillment in life.
and our head on our hands
And it's all for a very good reason
for you see my friend it's winter
And that is a wonderful season
There are bitches in the world
of whom I'm sure you've heard
and their names are Dumber and Dumberer
They make our lives quite shitty
but they're not that pretty.
We all live in a tub of margarine, tub of margarine, tub of maragarine
And they say, butter is yellow
Lovely colour, but rather mellow
When melted, it looks like jello
The butter monster, can play the cello.
yes yes it's Arnold
My middle name's Donald
But I'm not a duck
Quack quack quack quack!
If you go down to the slopes today, you'd better go in disguise
For yesterday many were attacked
And yesterday, many went smack
As they were hit by the out of control skidoodler!
You have all the charm of a flesh eating virus.
You're about as sexy as a wet kipper.
The liver produces bile, you must have one the size of Utah.
Speaking of things the size of Utah, have a seat, chubs.
My God you're ugly, aren't you.
Don't touch me! I don't know where you've been!
It's not me, it's you.
Yes my t shirt's big enough for me, is your ass big enough for you?
What are you doing here, it's 9:45, shouldn't you be at lunch?!
Oh! And I suppose you think being rude in the morning is a trendy thing to do!
Just because you stick feathers up your ass doesn't mean you're a chicken!
Good guys, bad guys...I'm the one with the gun.
Lead, follow, or stay outa my flight path.
My ambition is to live forever...so far so good.
When life gives you a lemon, RUN! You've got a FREE lemon.
If life gives you a lemon, throw it back and tell life to make it's own damn lemonade!
If life gives you a lemon, squirt the juice in peoples eyes.
When life gives you a lemon, throw it at someone you don't like.
When life gives you a lemon, give it back and demand a snickers.
When life gives you lemons, stuff them into your bra and make your boobs look bigger.
When life gives you lemons, become a shady used car dealer.
When life gives you a lemon, don't forget to ask for tequila and salt.
Wales...where men are men, and sheep are sacred (and scared).
As coffee is made from beans, it counts as a vegetable.
Don't follow me, I walk into walls.
You can hurt yourself if you run with scissors.
You know bungee jumping isn't for you when the rope breaks.
Everybody remembers the guy who said "The Brittish are coming!!!" but nobody remembers the guy that said "...The Brittish are coming now?"
Out with the carbon dioxide, in with the oxygen!
How to choose the exam questions you do: It dip sky blue...
I'm the Gwim Weaper!
I invented the question mark.
I can levitate birds.
I believe in rocking-horses.
Last night, I lay in bed, looked at the stars and thought...where the hell is the ceiling?!
I said a BOW string, not a G...*sigh* Nevermind...
"Liar, liar, plants for hire." "It's pants on fire." "You would know, liar."
Gravity isn't just a law, it's also a good idea.
One million lemmings can't be wrong.
All problems in life can be solved with a stick.
I’m thinking of starting up a coffee house named Johnny Addict’s, where our signature drink is a fine blend of nicotine, ephedra, and chocolate. The first cup is free.
I bet chickens hate Easter. How would you feel if you people ate all of your eggs and some stupid rabbit got all the credit?
I bet that houseplants would try to eat us if they didn't grow so slowly.
Why do they call it chewing gum? What else are you going to do with it, juggle?
While lacking lethal stopping force, a gun that fires endless streams of angry raccoons would still be quite powerful for home protection.
Do we really need warnings that the lead in paint will kill you? Keep in mind that these people have already made a conscious decision to CONSUME PAINT.
Whenever I accidentally enter a wrong room I like to yell out a large number before excusing myself and leaving. That way everyone is left with a mystery to discuss, such as "What the hell does 402 mean?"
Don't think outside the box. Think LIKE a box.
Dr. Pepper is the guy to see if you're suffering from a lack of refreshment. You should look elsewhere, however, if you've got a fractured wrist or a broken leg, because he's really incompetent with treating those types of things.
I like to chew carefully when I eat chocolate-covered raisins. You never can be sure you aren't about to bite into a chocolate-covered rock.
Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket. I'd strongly suggest you put on a pair of new Dockers Heat-Resistant CometPants first though, unless you're into third-degree burns.
If the early bird gets the worm, then what incentive do worms have to wake up early? Death?
If I was a pirate, I would be that lazy pirate that stays below while all the fighting is going on, then comes up and cheers with everyone when we win. Oh, and I would wear a green hat that said "World's #1 Pirate."
If you can't say anything nice about someone, say nothing. Then creep up behind them with a baseball bat and really let 'em have it.
Sometimes I just sit back and think about how funny the world would be without elbows.
I think living on the moon would be fun, but it would sure suck everytime you missed catching a frisbee.
Busy people are always wishing they had 3 hands. Not me...I bet that mutant hand would always be trying to kill me in some diabolical way.
If I ever got trapped as a genie and some smartass tried to "wish for 100 more wishes," I would probably just turn him into a duck or something and say I misheard him. It's tough to argue when all you can say is "Quack."
Mom always said "You are what you eat." Dad told me "You can be anything you want if you set your mind to it." So I ate a pony.
If at first you don't succeed, murder the new royal family too.
"Someone once told me the grass is much greener on the other side" - on the other side of what? If it's the other side of the mountain, then I'm not going to pay a visit - I don't want to run into that blasted bear that everyone sings about.
Hello, Hank's Appliance Repair? I have a toaster possessed by an evil spirit...
Going to church doesn't make you a christian in the same way that going to a garage doesn't make you a car.
Thou shalt not steal thy neighbours ox.
I'm not a pancake, in the same way that you're not smart.
Men are like slinkies - totally useless, but you gotta laugh when they fall down a flight of stairs.
Does he live in a can? GROUCH!
You're not thrifty, you're cheap!
Blessed are the cheese makers.