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Avril Lavigne - Why We Hate The Singing Racoon

Item One - Poseuritus
A lot of us dislike Avril Lavigne because of her punk stereotype. She claimed to be punk "I'm a skater punk who writes guitar-driven rock" and then contradicted herself by saying "I'm not punk. I never said I was punk." Lordy...I just can't keep up. I also found out (through extremely boring extensive research) that Avril used to be a cheerleader, and then, when she dropped out of school, a country singer. I'm beginning to see why people call her a poseur - she went from preppy to punky. Suspicious...could Avril Lavigne be a secret prep, trying to turn the punks of the world into preps? We can not be sure. She also apparently claimed to have brought the tie back into fashion...this seems a bit daft to me, lots of people have to wear them to school. How can a tie become trendy? My friend wears a tie to school...how cool is she?! The world's going goofy...
Item Two - The Screwed Up Panda Image
She said she didn't like "gloss and glam". So why does she put so much eye make up on that she looks like a spasticated panda? I just don't get it. A lot of blokes (and girls) say she is fit and pretty. I beg to differ. Those of us who have seen pictures of her without make-up know the truth. I would not say she is unattractive, but she is indeed a panda in disguise.
Item Three - Promoting Hooliganism
In her first video (Complicated), Avril and her fellow fools decide to "trash the mall". Now that's not very nice, is it? She also breaks her guitar at the end of this video. Why? Didn't she like her guitar? It seems a bit rude to just throw it to the ground. It might've hit somebody. In her second video (Skater Boi), not only did she spell 'boy' incorrectly, but she also smashes her guitar into a car window. Again with the rudeness! Not only did she vandalise her guitar, but she also broke a car window. Was it her car? We can not be sure. I do not think Avril should be allowed to own a guitar. She doesn't treat guitars with the respect they deserve. I may have to start an Association for the Prevention of Cruelty to Guitars. The APCG. Yea...beware Avril, or we will rescue your guitars and make you look like a guitarless fool.
In her third video (I'm With You), Avril is promoting prostitution. If you do not believe me, listen to the lyrics! "I don't know who you are, but I'm with you." She's not only a panda in disguise, she is also a hooker. And as if this isn't bad enough, in her fouth video (Losing Grip) Avril explains that the reason for all these gay videos is her secret insanity. Well. What can you say to that? Appart from I KNEW IT!!!! And I really hope she doesn't do a fifth video.
Item Four - The Music
The music...well, if you like it, fine. Each to his (or her) own. It's quite catchy sometimes, and it's better than a lot of other stuff out there. However! I don't like it. I find it too tedious - verse, chorus, verse, chorus...etc. This is possibly why people say her music is pop, and that she is trying to be something she's not, as she is trying to be a guitar player when she bullies her guitars. The APCG are watching her, whilst listening to Led Zeppelin.

Also, if you disagree with my article, then don't bother contacting me, 'cause I don't care. I wrote it because I felt like it. I even went around blasted Avril Lavigne fan sites to find out information on the rising racoon. If you do contact me, despite what I've just said, you are doomed to choke on the hair from a shedding giraffe named Kopo. So...ha.

Also...well, the APCG (Association for the Prevention of Cruelty to Guitars) is low on funds...so if you'd give me a snickers or two (or five hundred) it would be much appreciated.

My Local Video Rental Store

The other day, I walked over to Movie Xpress, where I am able to rent videos. I was intending to rent out Jonny English (which is brilliant). However, as I entered the store that was once my movie retal place, it became apparent that I would not be watching Jonny English that evening.
It turns out, that without any warning, Movie Xpress sold their store to the fish-people. And by fish-people, I don't mean people who sell fish and chips. No no. There fish-people just sell fish. It's an AQUARIUM! Although I am unable to rent videos, I am now able to purchase a pet fish. That's Basingstoke for you.