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Bush vs. Osama
Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have 5 years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world.
Osama found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and bred them with the meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from the litter, and removed his siblings, which gave him all the milk. After 5 years, they came up with the biggest, meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were 5 " thick and nobody could get near it.
When the day came for the dog fight, Bush showed up with a strange looking animal. It was a 9 foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for Bush because there was no way that this dog could possibly last 10 seconds with the Afghanistani dog. When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of it's cage, and slowly waddled over towards Osama's dog. Osama's dog snarled and leaped out of its cage and charged the American Dachshund---but when it got close enough to bite, the Dachshund opened its mouth and consumed Osama's dog in one bite. There was nothing left of his dog at all.
Osama came up to Bush, shaking his head in disbelief, "We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for 5 years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and the biggest, meanest Siberian wolves."
"That's nothing,", said Bush. "We had Michael Jackson's plastic surgeons working for 5 years to make that alligator look like a weenie dog."
GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!!!!!!!
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The weather is splendid and the birds are singing. Shame about the war and everything, eh? lol!
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WANKER!! OF THE WEEK IS TONY BLAIR!!!
You are Tony Blair(The biggest wanker of em all) Prime Minister of the entire United Kingdom.(Twat!!) You could want for nothing, you rule this land wisely and well,(like fuck!!) with your fairly beautiful wife (shes a minger!!) by your side, and your new glasses shiny and polished. (yer rite!!)
Don't Let Them Screw You..
To be a politic is to be a master of the art of bullshit. Both Republicans and Democrats have their heads up their asses. If I was in office, things would be different. First of all, I'd get rid of all formal traditions (read: ass kissing) during meetings. Nobody wants to hear some fat bastard kissing everyone's ass for an hour or two. Let's cut the bullshit and get to the point. Voting would take place quickly and often. Example: "Who votes Tony Blair is a stupid piece of shit?" Everyone raises their hand, and it's over. Non of this "yay" and "nay" bullshit they have now.
Also, no more bald, ugly people with goofy-ass smiles are allowed in office. I'm sick of politicians that look like child molestors. What the hell? Are we paying these guys to make laws or to sit there and be ugly? Please.
Disputes that last over ten minutes shall be settled by catapult. Both parties in the debate will strapped to a catapult and launched down a mountain. Whichever party survives, if any, will be declared the winner of the argument. Anyone that objects to this rule will also be subject to catapult.
No vegetarians are allowed in congress. They obviously don't know what's good for them, so we don't want them making decisions for anyone.
No old people, period.
Everyone will address me as "Supreme king ruler of the house, who I am indebted to for the privilege of existence."
Everyone will compliment me on my manly physique and muscular man-boobs.
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