Well as we know, there are many people less intelligent than I. In other words, everyone is less geniotic than me, except possibly Naomi. And probably Tiddles. Anyway. My point is that I am a genius of the highest degree. I am not clever, just intelligent. This might confuse you, so I'll explain. To be clever would be like being smart. And I'm not smart. However! This is a good thing, because it means I can focus my energy onto more useful things, like mentally undressing Orlando Bloom and levitating birds. To do what I do, is to be a genius. That's all there is to it.
We currently have no sponser, as poor, misunderstood Mr Rooster, has joined a club called 'Madamoiselle Canard'. I'm really very worried about the poor lad.
Jokes á la moi
Optimist: Well if things don't look up, we can always eat shit!
Lesbianism would be like buying a train set, and then finding out there's no plug. Whereas with homosexuality all the plugs are there, but the socket is incorrect.
When Harrold was shot in the eye with an arrow (1066).
A man is reading a book, sitting next to a residentual fool.
The Queen is visiting a hospital. She stops to talk to a man who has a hook for a hand, a wooden leg and a patch over one eye.
Songs I sing
Hey ho, we'll go
We put out hands on our head
Miami is nice
My mother said I never should
We all live in a tub of margarine, tub of margarine, tub of maragarine
My name is Arnold
If you go down to the slopes today, you're in for a big surprise
My body's my body, no-one's but mine,
Never smile at a crocodile
The was a man who bought a cat
Vaguely insulting things to say
A pickle would be ashamed of your IQ.
Limericks
There once was a young girl from Biddenham,
There once was a skidoodler named Marc,
I once knew a gil called Daffornielle,
There was was a blonde girl from Whinchfield,
There once was a fool named Rebecca,
Pessimist: Will there be enough shit for everyone?
Harrold: Ah, fucking hell. Now what am I gonna do?
Fellow Fighter: Try blinking.
Residentual Fool: Is that book good?
Book Reader: Yes.
Residentual Fool: Is it about sex?
Book Reader: No, it's about 10:30.
Queen: Hello sir.
Man: Hello Ma'am.
Queen: What happened to your leg?
Man: I lost it in the Second World War.
Queen: Oh dear. And your hand?
Man: I was just unlucky. A grenade exploded and blew my hand off.
Queen: And your eye?
Man: Well that was a bloody seagull. It flew over, I looked up and it shat in my eye. Then I put my hand up.
anywhere the wind is blowing
Should have, took a train
That'd save us getting caught out in the rain!
and our head on our hands
And it's all for a very good reason
for you see my friend it's winter
And that is a wonderful season
There are bitches in the world
of whom I'm sure you've heard
and their names are Dumber and Dumberer
They make our lives quite shitty
but they're not that pretty.
So I'll say it twice
Miami is nice
Miami is nice
Miami is nice
I just said it thrice.
Play with the gypsies in the wood
If I did, she would say
Naughty girl to disobay!
We all live in a tub of margarine, tub of margarine, tub of maragarine
And they say, butter is yellow
Lovely colour, but rather mellow
When melted, it looks like jello
The butter monster, can play the cello.
yes yes it's Arnold
My middle name's Donald
But I'm not a duck
Quack quack quack quack!
If you go down to the slopes today, you'd better go in disguise
For yesterday many were attacked
And yesterday, many went smack
As they were hit by the out of control skidoodler!
Skiing time for Lizzibuff, she's gonna go whoosh, bam, whoosh bam, AAAIIIEEEE!!!
You use your own body, let me have mine!
No you can't get friendly with a crocodile
Don't be taken in
By his grinning grin
He's imagining how well you'd fit within his skin
He fed it well; it got so fat
He had to stroke it with a broom
And when it purred it shook the room
Eating, eating, it could not stop
Growing, growing, until it went pop
A little dog one day it saw
It crossed the road to shake a paw
The dog it gave a frightened pant
It thought it was an elephant
La la la, la la.
You have all the charm of a flesh eating virus.
You're about as sexy as a wet kipper.
The liver produces bile, you must have one the size of Utah.
Speaking of things the size of Utah, have a seat, chubs.
My God you're ugly, aren't you.
Don't touch me! I don't know where you've been!
It's not me, it's you.
Yes my t shirt's big enough for me, is your ass big enough for you?
What are you doing here, it's 9:45, shouldn't you be at lunch?!
Oh! And I suppose you think being rude in the morning is a trendy thing to do!
Who had two cats named Figro and Tiddlum,
One day in the frost,
She though they'd got lost,
But she found that her Mommy had hidden them.
Who in Frankie's heart set off a spark,
One day on the slope,
She tackled gave him a grope,
And now he's scared of the dark!
Who so unfortunately fell down a well,
When we couldn't get her out,
She started to shout,
And now folks know her as William Tell.
Who felt blessed in her nunga yeild,
One day in her house,
She thought she saw a mouse,
And now she lives in a field.
Who was named Becca that is called Becca,
One day at her school,
Squall called her a fool,
And now she's become a woodpecker.
