Site hosted by Angelfire.com: Build your free website today!




HARTZ & SERGEANT BRAND FLEA & TICK PRODUCTS HAVE KILLED NUMEROUS PETS

Hartz Poisoning Cost Dog Owner $2196.38 !!
Learn More: CLICK HERE








(Photo Copyright 2009 By Witt Publishing)

"Weeping may go on all night,
But in the morning there is JOY!"
-Psalm 30:5b





AFFORDABLE ON-LINE COUNSELING CLICK HERE


To Be Married
By Jo A. Witt
Copyright 2000




To be married . . . to gain the approval and acceptance of family, friends and society. To be married . . . in an attempt to fulfill the needs portrayed in song lyrics, television shows, movies and romance novels. To be married. . . to avoid the search for one's own identity, to elevate one's low self esteem, to escape one's loneliness, to satisfy one's sexual desire. To be married . . . the goal of so many . . . the contentment of so few . . . and the damnation of those who choose to divorce.



Why Marry?

The "Push".

Family Pressures.

By the time one is a teenager, family members begin monitoring who is being dated and how serious each relationship is. At times there is matchmaking with those considered to be suitable prospects. At other times there are expressions of discontent regarding those considered unsuitable prospects. The pressure to establish romantic relationships is very real, as is the emphasis on establishing a serious relationship with someone who is deemed "suitable."

Friendly Competition.

By the time one is a teenager, there develops a certain competition between friends. Those who are dating are deemed "popular", whereas those who are not are shunned. Jealousy develops between those who are dating and those who are not. Such a yearning to date, to gain popularity, to fit in, to feel like a winner and the feelings of success for those who marry.

Societal Pressures.

The societal "push" to find a mate is emphasized in the "yearning for love" lyrics of songs on the radio, the dominance of family sitcoms on television, the prevalence of romance in movies, and the vast number of romance novels in circulation. From these sources one could conclude that to find love is to find happiness, and to lose at love is equated with despair.


Psyche Factors.

A Search For Identity.

Without the sense of what distinguishes one's self separate and apart from others and without having one's own goals, at times a person may attempt to assume his/her identity from the person he/she is dating. This tendency can present as trying to please the other person by being like whatever that person finds desirable in a mate. By seeming to be the ideal mate for awhile, the two may marry, but in time one's own identity will strive to emerge and may result in an end to the relationship.

Low Self Esteem.

In an effort to feel better about one's self, he/she may seek romantic relationships. In doing so, the person bases how he/she feels about him/herself on how others perceive him/her. If another individual can find him/her desirable and loveable, than he/she can love and accept him/herself. And for some marriage, even to the wrong individual, can temporarily boost their self esteem.

Loneliness.

Some individuals are so aghast at the thought of being alone that in an effort to curb their loneliness they will seek out romantic relationships, sometimes even undesirable ones. The desire to curb loneliness can be so strong that some may even marry. This may be an indication of not being at peace with one's self and using another's presence as an escape from dealing with personal issues.


Sexual Desire.

The desire to be sexually satisfied can be very strong, and some become romantically involved based initially on sexual attraction. Although more meaningful interactions may not be established, because it is generally more acceptable by society and family for sexuality to be expressed within the confines of marriage, those engaging in premarital sex may succumb to the "push" to marry in an effort to regain acceptance.



Contentment in Marriage.

To succumb to the "push" to be married by family, friends and/or society may result in being too anxious to marry without taking the time to carefully evaluate the relationship and the potential partner. Most relationships can seem good or even great initially, but in time one can see past the romantic interest to evaluate the person as an individual. The key is--TAKING THE TIME and trying to ignore the pressures imposed by family, friends and/or society.

It places a heavy burden on someone when they become the source of another's emotional well-being. In time it will no longer be satisfying to assume one's identity from his/her partner. And the boost to one's self-esteem from feeling loved or desired is only a temporary fix to a much deeper problem. No one can completely absolve another of his/her loneliness. And if a couple marries due to their having been sexually involved, then the relationship may never develop any depth. Sexual pleasure is not a strong enough foundation to make a relationship last.



Divorce.

So, if to be married is to gain the approval and acceptance of family, friends and society, than to divorce is to realize their damnation. Rather ironic that by succumbing to the "push" to marry, that one may not take the time to carefully scrutinize his/her relationship, in time become discontent upon realizing he/she married someone he/she is not well suited for, perhaps choosing to divorce, and then be damned by the very people who imposed the "push" to marry.



So, Why Marry?

Only when one is okay with who he/she is--separate and apart from others--is he/she ready to share his/her life with another. Unless one works out his/her own personal problems before developing a romantic involvement with another, then he/she brings a lot of "baggage" into the relationship and may choose to marry for some of the unhealthy reasons already mentioned. Although difficult, it is important to try to ignore the pressures imposed by family, friends and society to develop serious romantic involvements with the ultimate goal of marriage because to do so may result in a rushed decision and an uncareful examination of one's true compatibility with the other individual.

Indeed to be happy to share life with another, one must first be content to live his/her life alone. When you don't NEED a romantic relationship is when it is healthiest to find one. To be married . . . two individuals sharing their lives . . . contented with who they are separate and apart from each other . . . who've taken the time to carefully scrutinize their relationship . . . not succumbing to external pressures . . . not out of need . . . but having made the careful choice to share their lives together in the bonds of marriage.


Hurt
Grief
Depression
"Visualize to Revitalize"





RECOMMENDED RESOURCES:



Improve Relationship IQ
FREE Communication Success Report
Singles, Couples and Your Career.
For more information,
CLICK HERE



What Time Is It For Your Marriage?, by Mort Fertel
The goal of life is not to be happy - it's to know what time it is. Maybe it's time to renew your marriage.
To get a free marriage assessment,
CLICK HERE



Is Your Marriage Crushing You Like A Grape?, by Mort Fertel
Sometimes like the processing of grapes at a winery, people may also feel plucked, pushed, crushed, pressed, skinned and fermented by the pain they experience in their marriage. Sometimes it's the painful process that leads to maturity.
To learn more about how Mort Fertel can help,
CLICK HERE



How To Get Your Spouse To Hear You, by Mort Fertel
Are you trying to get heard? Do you feel ignored? Is your spouse not responding to your communication? Communication has very little to do with techniques or knowledge of each other. It has everything to do with the depth of connection between the communicators. The question you should be asking is, “How do I connect with my spouse again?”
To learn more about how Mort Fertel can help,
CLICK HERE



I Love You But I'm Not "In Love" With You, by Mort Fertel
When a person says, “I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you,” they’re saying that I CARE about you but I’m not EXCITED about you. CARING about someone is a good thing. It’s reflective of CONCERN. But it’s different than love. Being EXCITED about someone is also a good thing. But it’s different than love. They are expressing their confusion about what love really is. And that’s why they’re having marital problems and maybe even an affair (because who are they IN LOVE with?). Getting your spouse from “I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you” to “Okay, let’s give this another chance” is a tricky task. It’s crucial you handle it strategically. If you take the right steps, you can draw your spouse back in and begin to restore your marriage TOGETHER.
To learn more about how Mort Fertel can help,
CLICK HERE



How To Know If Your Marriage Will Survive, by Mort Fertel
Research shows that the number one predictor of divorce is the habitual AVOIDANCE of conflict. A couple who does NOT fight is at the greatest risk for divorce. The key to succeeding in marriage is not finding the right person; it’s learning to fight well with the person you found. You’ll have “irreconcilable differences” with anyone you pick. The question is whether or not you can learn to discuss them.
To learn more about how Mort Fertel can help,
CLICK HERE



How Do You Get Over Your Past (And Past Your Marriage Problems), by Mort Fertel
If you’re having marital trouble, chances are that you need to put some hurt behind you. What does it REALLY mean to get over the past? First you have to be clear about what you can and cannot change. You CAN get over your past, but you canNOT change events that already occurred. The good news though is that you don’t have to change the past in order to get over it. What you have to change is the MEANING of the past.
To learn more about how Mort Fertel can help,
CLICK HERE



How Do You Know When To Call It Quits?, by Mort Fertel
If divorcing is a consideration for you, then before you go that route, try first for at least one year - REALLY try. You can always call it quits. But once you pull that trigger, it's over. Your life will never be the same. It's a good investment for the rest of your life WHETHER YOUR MARRIAGE SUCCEEDS OR NOT. Obviously, it's a good investment if you turn your marriage around. But if you don't, it will NOT have been a wasted year. It will have been the most important thing you could have done with that year because of how your effort will impact the rest of your life AND YOUR NEXT RELATIONSHIP. The work Mort Fertel does with marriage coaching clients sometimes turns out to be more beneficial for them in their next relationship than in their current one. If you're asking, “When is it time to call it quits?” The answer is: one year after you think you're done. If after one year of trying everything in your power to make your marriage work you're still miserable, then you should consider moving on. Until then, hang in there and don't give up.
To learn more about how Mort Fertel can help,
CLICK HERE



How Do You Know If You Married the Right Person?, by Mort Fertel
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love with your spouse wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. That’s why it’s called “falling” in love…because it’s happening TO YOU. Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It’s the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage. And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It’ll NEVER just happen to you. You have to “make” it day in and day out. That’s why we have the expression “the labor of love.” Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.
To learn more about how Mort Fertel can help,
CLICK HERE



Sex, Love, or Infatuation: How Can I Really Know?, by Ray E. Short
Helpful for distinguishing the depth of your relationship(s).
For information about this book, click on its title below:

Sex, Love, or Infatuation : How Can I...



1000 Questions For Couples, by Michael Webb
What you absolutely must know about your relationship - test your compatibility and grow deeper in love.
For information, click on title below:

1000 Questions For Couples



Love, by Leo Buscaglia
A wonderful, "feel good" kind of book.
For information about this book, click on its title below:

Love



Compatibility Test, by the International Relationship Institute (IRI)
Leading Relationship Compatibility Test - first time in Ebook format.
For information about this book, click on its title below:

Compatibility Test



Finding The Perfect Relationship, by Dr. Bob
A self-help ebook that teaches a step-by-step method on how to obtain the perfect relationship.
For information about this book, click on its title below:

Finding The Perfect Relationship



Communication Magic, by Susie and Otto Collins
The Amazing Formula for Communicating straight from the Heart in your relationships.
For information about this book, click on its title below:

Communication Magic



The RoMantic's Guide, by Michael Webb
100s of Creative Tips for a Lifetime of Love - #1 Best-Seller by Oprah expert.
For information about this book, click on its title below:

The RoMantic's Guide



Should You Stay Or Should You Go?, by Susie and Otto Collins
Ebook With compelling questions and insights to help you make that difficult relationship decision.
For information about this book, click on its title below:

Should You Stay Or Should You Go?



Romantic's Guide To Popping The Question, by Michael Webb
Leading book on marriage proposals. Tips, ideas and 101 real life stories of engagements.
For information about this book, click on its title below:

Romantic's Guide To Popping The Question



How To Have Your Fairytale Wedding On A Shoestring Budget, by Melinda Barton
Wedding Planning Secrets.
For information about this book, click on its title below:

How To Have Your Fairytale Wedding On A Shoestring Budget



Wedding Guide E-Book, by the Wedding Source
A wedding planning checklist and organizer!
For information, click on title below:

Wedding Guide E-Book



50 Secrets Of Blissful Relationships, by Michael Webb
Discover what the top 1% of couples know. Never have fights. Save your marriage. Grow deeply in love.
For information, click on title below:

50 Secrets Of Blissful Relationships



How To Build Relationships That Stick, by Azriel Winnett
The e-book that has changed lives. Now, what about yours?
For information, click on title below:

How To Build Relationships That Stick



500 Lovemaking Tips & Secrets, by Michael Webb
More Passion & Intimacy with Great Sex from Oprah Romance Expert - selling like wildfire. Tips will drive your man or woman wild.
For information, click on title below:

500 Lovemaking Tips & Secrets



The Art Of Lovemaking, by Nisandeh and Vered Neta
This yearly e-course is jammed packed with knowledge and practice to boost the passion and pleasure in your lovemaking.
For more information, click on title below:

The Art Of Lovemaking



Save the Marriage: Even if Only You Want to Work on It eBook, by Lee Baucom
Discover how to move from stalemate to soulmate.
For information about this book, click on its title below:

Save the Marriage: Even if Only You Want to Work on It eBook



Saving Your Marriage With Trust & Love, by Emanuel and Raquel Fox
We provide a complete roadmap for saving your marriage or relationship - Learn the secrets now!
For information, click on title below:

Saving Your Marriage With Trust & Love



You Can Save Your Marriage, by Dr. Andrew D. Atwood
Resource for Marriage Saving eBooks and eCourses, Free Marital Advice, Tailored Tools and Solutions to Help Save Your Marriage.
For information, click on title below:

You Can Save Your Marriage



The Anatomy of An Affair, by Dr. Reena Sommer
Find out the REAL REASONS why people have affairs. Find out why most extramarital affairs are NOT ABOUT SEX. Get the help you need to decide whether you want to stay in your relationship now that you know that your partner has had an affair. Can't get over your partner's affair? Are you among the 40% of the adult population that is having affair? If so, you will be interested in reading this.
For information, click on title below:

The Anatomy of An Affair



Break Free From The Affair, by Dr. Bob Huizenga
Strategies and Resources to break free from the affair in a marriage.
For information, click on title below:

Break Free From The Affair



Divorce 101: Things You Are Unlikely to Hear From an Attorney, by Dr. Reena Sommer
Find out how to cut through all the "posturing" that goes on between divorce attorneys. Find out how to develop a realistic "plan of action" and "timeline" for your custody case. Find out how to get your kids and your life back on track even if you are divorcing. Do you know what becomes of all those documents filed in divorce court... And are they even necessary? What really goes on in the courtroom during a custody hearing?
For information, click on title below:

Divorce 101: Things You Are Unlikely to Hear From an Attorney



Legally Save Thousands On Your Divorce, by Michael Daniel
Legally Save Massive Amounts of Money on Your Divorce.
For information, click on title below:

Legally Save Thousands On Your Divorce



Developing An Effective Parenting Plan, by Dr. Reena Sommer
A Parenting Plan could be the most important document you will draft - Find out how to create one that will ensure that your relationship with your children is safeguarded. Are you in the middle of a custody battle? A properly crafted Parenting Plan can bring an end to it quickly. Do you REALLY want to show your abilities as a parent? Develop an Effective Parenting Plan and do it. Find out how you can fast track your custody dispute. Custody evaluations may not be the answer to resolving your dispute.
For information, click on title below:

Developing An Effective Parenting Plan



My Mother/My Self, by Nancy Friday
Examines patterns of the mother/daughter bond that develop in childhood and shows how to positively change them in relation to all passages of life.
For information about this book, click on its title below:

My Mother/My Self : The Daughter's...



Your Erroneous Zones, by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
This book helped to change my way of thinking about so many things--it can change your life for the better as well.
For information about this book, click on its title below:

Your Erroneous Zones



Why? Trusting God When You Don't Understand, by Anne Graham Lotz
Relates the story of Lazarus in relation to how Mary and Martha would have felt about their seemingly unanswered prayers for his healing, which is related to how we feel when we go through trying times in life.
For information about this book, click on its title below:

Why? Trusting God When You Don't Understand





Witt Publishing
P. O. Box 102
Kandiyohi, MN 56251-0102
wittpublishing@mail.com




DATE THIS SITE LAST UPDATED: 03/24/14





Web Design by





Online Store
The Latest Dynamic Craze!
Dymensionz.com





Victims of Divorce Fund
Helping Stay-At-Home Moms to get back on their feet.
CLICK HERE




Get a GoStats hit counter