Well, Yesterday I had a blast! Me and my homegirl Lynette chilled with her boyfriend Dontay at my homeboy Mikes house. Mike, wanted me to have sex with him but i couldn't because i had my period so i had to give him head. But it was all good! He's like loosen up shorty. Well, I'm always shy around guys i like i don't know why it's stupid. Lynette went in the bathroom and did her thing. I'm still feeling high from smoking so much yesterday, But it's all good. I saw Mike's daughter she's sooo kyooote!! she looks just like her daddy!

Guess what! You wouldn't believe. This boy in my school who likes me i have a class with him. I'm trying to vow not to be a bad ass in school anymore and act up because i have this graving for trouble all the time. It's like I have to act up or get attention lol! don't ask why.

Well Question this. Have you ever felt so lost and in your own little world that you just felt like nobody understood you or knew what you are going threw? It's hard to explain where this is coming from but you know that's how i feel all the time like I'm the only one. The only one who has nobody who cares about them, and the only one in this world who doesn't care about anybody else.

My daddy got so mad at me because i came home at 7:30 yesterday when he clearly told me to come home at 6:00 so what i was a hr and a half late? My parents never let me go anywhere it's like they want me to be in the house at all times. My dad went psycho he chased me around the house and tried to beat me and throw things at me, that's when i walked out the house. He said stay out of there and never come back. My mother had to talk him into making me stay. I ran in my bedroom and started packing my clothes and accessories into this huge bag incase if he kicks me out this house i'll be gone for good. My mother is mad at me now, she's saying that i'm tryin to tear her and her husband apart. But you know what? What i say to myself everyday is nobody is worth my tears so i shall cry no more.

Date: September 10, 2002
Listening to: T.O.K - Money to Burn
Feelings: Pissed ; Just woke up
Thinking: Doing some stupid shit
Time: 5:14 PM
watching: Ricki Lake
Entry: Dear Diary,
Shit is gonna be poppin if them fuckin stink bitches at school come in my face again. Aiight so check, I'm going to the girls bathroom, i see about 9 girls in the bathroom that i hate. chillin in the bathroom and cuttin they class. I go in the bathroom stall, and this bitch Isha go like THIS STINK BITCH IS IN THERE SHITTING referring to me (I wasn't even taking a shit for your info). I aint say sit when i got out the stall. They busy talking about me having they little conversation i walked out the bathroom rolling my eyes. But did i say shit? NO!
Sometimes you gotta ignore people. Isha she start shit w/ everybody so it's not like imma feel special because i'm one of her victims.
I cut the last period of school today, cause i aint do my math homework. so absent mark is better than a 0. My math teacher is mad gay he look like he be bustin nuts over men.
Anyways, Friday imma get me some weed, and some of that ass from Mike. So Holla at cha girl. *peace* Time: 9:14PM
Listening to: Fabolous, P. Diddy, Jagged Edge - Trade it all
Dear Diary,
Oh my god! I'm so god damn happy! I talked to Mike on the phone. He was like "YO", and we started talkin. He like, YO MA COME THREW AND GIVE ME A LATE BDAY PRESENT. I'm like when was your bday he was like June. I'm like aiight imma see my Friday. After i hung up i ran around the house and jumped up everywhere! I was soooooo happy 2 talk to him!!!!!

Date: September 12, 2002
Listening to: Nothin
Feelings: Hyped
Thinking: Gettin high
Time: 4:53 PM
watching: Judge Hatchett
Entry: Dear Diary,
Mike wanna do me friday i'm scared!! OMG! ME AND LYNETTTE CUT SCHOOL WE WAS WILDIN OUT ON THE TRAIN. We met two cute boys! dang fine as hell. the only problem was that they were 14 and 15. 15 i could deal w/ that but the one i was feelin was 14 so dang. I was like damn shorty lemme come 2 your house. But lynette was like nah cause i got a man. My man wanna ride me tomorrow he talkin bout he gone cum all ova my face! haha! well i was lookin cute today we kno that. I made mad friends at school so holla! yay!!

Yo check yesterday i signed up for nightschool i came home 8:30 my parents was trippin. My daddy wanted to kick me out the house. He said to my mother it's either me or your daughter. and since i wasnt leaving he left and nobody has seen him since!

Date: September 19, 2002
Listening to: Nothing
Feelings: Sad;Happy
Thinking: About Mike and why people have to be so mean
Time: 4:12PM
watching: Family Feud
Entry: Dear Diary,
It's funny how when a girl is skinny the men complains about how she needs to gain weight. And when the girl does gain weight from pregnancy or eating etc. the male wishes she was the way she was before.
People in my school always make fun of my size because I'm 5'4 and 100 pounds because i'm small. I mean tiny girls need love too. What's wrong with being skinny? I mean, It hurts inside when another picks on you. Why can't people just accept you the way you are? Most models are skinny, Why don't people pick on them?
It's not just that. I think i'm a very pretty girl and when i feel that my confidence is rising someone always has to bring me down. Why is that? It doesn't make any sense. But i've learned from 16 years of being on this earth, No matter how something bad is always keep your head up and let the person know that they're not getting to you. Because once you put your head down and allow what that person says get to you , You'll be screwed for life, and they'll always pick on you.

Anyways, Yesterday was fun. I cut school around 4th people , was chillin in the hood with them druggys and gangstas. yo me and my homegirl got free weed and free ciggarettes we was smoking. I came home fucked up. Yo that morning i drank beer 6:00am i was thirsty. My friend is like yo u wildin.
I called Mike he wanna know whats up with us when he gonna hit it. Me and him is mad koo, he want me to call him again today though.

Today, I had to come home early from school because my mother be trippin cause i come home late everyday sooo here i am with nothing to do just chillin and watchin tv.

Date: September 21, 2002
Listening to: Notorious B.I.G - Let's ride
Feelings: Pissed @ Mike
Thinking: I'mma do me, and Mike gone do him i aint even gone sweat him making me wait for a whole hour then frontin on me
Time: 10:03 AM
watching: Lizzie Mcguire
Entry: Dear Diary,
I miss my baby Mike! He played me yesterday. See when i go to his house i always go with my homegirl lynette. They absoluetly hate eachother. And he's like Why do you have to bring her? So then finally yesterday i was by myself and called him up. He's like call me back in 15 minutes. So......I was broke after that , so i had to hustle 50 cents to make a phone call to his cellphone. So when i did he's like oh your by yourself that's not good, and he was frontin and sweatin it and all. So i was like U know what i'll see u some other day. I WAS PISSED HAS HELL!!! I AINT SEE LYNETTE cuz he told me she was in the hospital.
I wasn't worried cuz i kno she okay. But anyways its okay cuz imma be chillin w/ my homeboy on monday. I'mma wear a skirt and look like a hoochie.
I'mma be real, I'm feelin Mike and i dont know if he still feelin me. I'm also feelin my homeboy and I know he feelin me, So i don't know what to do.
My homeboy he koo and everything but he aint all that cute. But Mike he mad cute!!! I dont know what imma do
Time: 10:30 AM
Listening to: Khia - I know u want it
Yooo! Yesterday was a wrap I was in flatbush. I seen a whole bunch of Crip Niggas jump this one boy. There was like 14 Crip Niggas. They held the boy down threw him on the floor. stepped on his face, threw punches, They did they thing mad quick. He came out all bloody and shit. talkin bout imma fuck you up. If i was him i would stay down cause he would only get jumped even more. That teaches you not to fuck with bloods and crips. Cause they do some serious team work.

Date: September 23, 2002
Listening to: Top 10 Music from BET
Feelings: In a good mood
Thinking: I'mma do me, and Mike gone do him i aint even gone sweat him making me wait for a whole hour then frontin on me
Time: 7:14 PM
watching: 106 & Park
Entry: Dear Diary,
I haven't seen Lynette in like a quick minute. Where u at girl??
Anyways, I got me some today!!!!!!!!!!!! and it wasnt from mike!! sooo yay im happy!!!!!

Date: September 24, 2002
Listening to: Top 10 Music from BET
Feelings: In a good mood
Thinking: My legs hurt
Time: 7:06 PM
watching: 106 & Park
Entry: Dear Diary,
That nigga yesterday banged me soooo hard i cant even walk straight or even run!! i seen him today, i was like oooooo shit, so i went down a different block to aviod him, but i gotta admit shorty got it going on!
I SEEN MY HOMEGIRL TODAY!!!! she told me that she pregnant. i wasnt upset w/ it or nothin she only 16. I was like ay yo, just make sure u stop smoking weed. cause we dont want that baby to come out stupid!!

Date: September 26, 2002
Listening to: Nothing
Feelings: Sad
Thinking: I'm so sorry I wish this didn't happen
Time: 7:52 AM
watching: Fox 5 News ; Good Day NY
Entry: Dear Diary,
I had a fight in school yesterday. I lost. This girl i had a fight with has been harrasing me for about a year now. She told the whole classroom that when i go to the bathroom i do not wipe my ass. Everyone started laughing at me. So, I was like "How would u know if i wipe my ass in the bathroom, are you there?, do you peep at me?". So she took off her bookbag and stood up, and I did the same. And there was a fight and i lost.
I told my parents when i came home. Their like, The 2 years i've been at that HS I've had nothing but fights so the best thing to do is to move me to another HS which is Canarsie High.
I'm gonna miss my homegirl Lynette we did , so much things for the little time that we knew eachother. I knew her this year Janaury. We had a blast. We Cut school together, We smoked together, We chilled together, We ate together, We chilled @ boys houses together, We did everything together. I'm still gonna see you lynette so don't worry about it just nearly not has much has i used to.
And For You Mike, i haven't seen you in 4 weeks and i probably can't see you today because it's really weird for me to get my period 2 times in one month. Maybe because of stress. But i'll call you later.
And for that boy so called "banged me". I seen him yesterday. I was crying i was mad, he was like ayo come treat me real quick. I was like no i can't im pissed i just had a fight. He's like you can't be fighting. He tried to get me over his crib but i didn't go.
I'm so glad all this fighting in school is over, it's becoming too much. Part of me wants to stay so i can be w/ my friends ill miss alot, but part of me wants to go to start new. I guess i'll have to listen to that part of me that wants to go.
Well i gotta go, Back to my old school and get the transferring in process with my dad. Love ya ---Always GB
Time: 8:22 PM
Listening to: Usher - Without U
Dear Diary,
I called Mike and i told him i couldn't come over. (i was too depressed) i haven't seen him in 4 weeks.
I seen lynette at school she was like my mama said "You a bitch (she don't mean it like that), but if you was a strong person you would stay in this school and take the beatin". She has a point there, but like i said imma die in that school. Nobody likes me. Why be somewhere i'm not liked?
She was like so i'm never going to see you again?, I'm like i don't know.
My parents say i have to spend 2 more weeks in that school and then i'll be able to transfer because the principal wants more time to investigate the matter with me and the girl who i fought Solange.