Email: anorexia@mail.com
Email: anorexia@mail.com
(NOTE: This is a LARGE file - For best results, please allow to completely load before scrolling down.)
Established September 2000
YOUR FIRST NAME: Brittany
I have often thought if I should become anorexic or not. I am 5'2 and weigh 116lbs. I don't think i'm fat, I just want a quick way to lose my flabbyness. I've been studying about anorexia and bulimia for a long time. I even did a poster project on it in health class. I've learned a lot about anorexia and I can't seem to change my mind about trying it. I really want to try it, but the only thing is, I often hear about people getting hooked on it and not being able to stop.....and I don't want that to happen to me. So, I'm still debating if I should do it or not.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 12/31/02
YOUR AGE: 14
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: eminemslilgrl08@yahoo.com or eminemslilgrl08@msn.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional):
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional):
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Mac
First of all, I had to start taking steroids when I was about twelve years old, and if you know anything about steroids, they make you really hungry. So I gained weight, plus they make you retain water, so I also gained fluid weight. So when I was about 13, I went on a diet to lose some of the weight. This started out as a healthy diet, but it gradually turned into anorexia. Since then I've struggled with trying to gain weight. I'll gain, then lose, then gain, then lose. It's so frustrating. I even started lying to my parents about this and I find it easier to these days. Lately I've been thinking about going to an anorexic clinic as an inpatient. I'm now on a high fat, high calorie diet at home, but more than anything I want three things: 1) to feel good about eating, 2) to overcome my anorexia and 3)to have someone to talk to and maybe to partially help me through this. It would even be nice to talk to someone around my age going through the same thing. So, if you have any help for me, any encouraging words or advice, or if you would just like to talk to someone else who is going through anorexia, please email me. Also, if you have any information on anorexic clinics in Minnesota, what their facilities are like, how they treat patients, and what their recovery rate is, please email me, too.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 12/31/02
YOUR AGE: 14
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: perkygal_millenium@hotmail.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional): MSN: perkygal_millenium@hotmail.com
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional):
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Ashley
When I was in 3rd grade, I was 103 lbs. I was really fat. I hated myself and went on a diet. I lost 13 lbs. and then weighed 90 lbs. For the next four years I gained it back, then lost it, and kept this pattern going. Now I'm 13, in the 7th grade, I weigh 100 lbs. and I'm 5'8". I'm always cold, my bones sometimes hurt and when I stand up, I blackout for a few seconds. I binge constantly and then feel so bad. I've tried throwing up, but nothing happens and I just gag. At lunch I eat some crackers and a diet soda. At dinner I have to eat, or my parents won't leave me alone. I usually have half a can of soup (90 calories). I'm sooooooooo sick of soup--I'd rather starve than eat it. My mom has said she'll take me to a nutritionist if I don't eat more. So around her I eat more. After school I exercise just a little. I usually eat 500 calories in a day. Sometimes I feel so down and start eating and binge and feel so bad afterwards. I've never told anyone about this except at a sleepover with my friends (we all had to tell a secret). I chickened out when it was my turn to tell about my eating. Then they could all tell I had something big to say. I only told them that I lost weight in 3rd grade. Nothing beyond that point. They didn't think it was that big of a deal, but it was more than that. Anyways, I'd like to talk to some people going through this. Thanks. You can email me.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 12/28/02
YOUR AGE: 13
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: Withheld Upon Request
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional):
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): Washington
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Krista
I was diagnosed with anorexia about a month ago. It took me awhile to actually make myself admit to it, but I knew it was true. My guess would be that it started all last summer, I wasn't eating and no one really noticed. The only person that noticed was my color guard coach--she kept telling me that I had to eat and that it wouldn't hurt me to gain weight. She's really nice, she always knows what to say to make me feel better. When I was diagnosed with it, I didn't want to admit to it. I kept it secret from my friends, and they eventually noticed that something was wrong because I was never happy anymore. They came up to me one day and told me that they thought that I have an eating disorder or depression. I ignored them. After school that day when I went home, I knew it was true and I was ready to get help. I guess that it just means more to me when it comes from a friend or teacher. Right now I'm trying my best to get better and I'm getting the help I need. I still have my down days where I'm really upset and I think I'm fat, so I stop eating and I exercise. Then I have my days where I think that ending my life is the answer to all my problems, because then I won't have to deal with them.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 12/28/02
YOUR AGE: 16
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: Kristamarie2@yahoo.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional):
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): Jordan, MN
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Kevin
Three months ago I knew nothing at all about anorexia. For three months I have been working on a problem without many clues. I woke up at 1 a.m. with these thoughts of anorexia all in my head. I came down to the computer and
in 60 minutes I wrote three poems.
That was three months ago. I volunteer my free time at an eating disorder site supporting people with eating disorders.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 12/25/02
YOUR AGE: 47
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: clearthinkn777@hotmail.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional):
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional):
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Rebekah
I don't know what to do. I've been on this diet since July 2002. I weighed 176 pounds then and now I weigh 124. I am 5'11'' and I have been told that I am supposed to weigh at least 150. I don't know how to stop this diet. I still look in the mirror and I see that I am still fat. I have been told by many people--co-workers, family and friends--that I look unhealthy and too skinny, but I don't think so and I don't know what to do.
My diet consisted of Metabolife 356 pills. I would take one in the morning and one at noon. I wouldn't be hungry, so I wouldn't eat until 7:30 at night. When I ate at night, I would only eat a few crackers or some soup because my stomach would hurt if I ate anything else. Now I don't take the pills as much and I am still losing weight, and my eating habits have gotten worse. Sometimes I don't even eat at all because I get sick. I get sick even thinking of food. I don't know if I have an eating disorder, since I still look big. That's my story.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 12/21/02
YOUR AGE: 20
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: bfuchs29@hotmail.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional):
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): St. Cloud, MN
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Laura
I have been dealing with anorexia for 12 years now and am currently in treatment because I plan to get married in 10 months and I need to be free.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 12/09/02
YOUR AGE: 24
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: Dijerwolfe@aol.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional):
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional):
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Jennifer
I have stress-related anorexia, in a verbally abusive relationship, just had a baby two months ago and am very hungry, but I have to force food down my throat. I vomit a lot, at least once a day from a nervous stomach. I do not feel fat, but stress makes me very upset inside, and I have many problems eating. I have no cravings for food whatsoever, there is nothing that I enjoy eating. I have lost so much weight that I am sometimes too weak and tired to deal with my son. Maybe this group will help? Thanks.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 12/08/02
YOUR AGE: 25
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: jepa@prodigy.net
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional):
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): Fall River, MA
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Tara
I have been dealing with anorexia for the past eight years. It started when I was 15 where I wanted to shed a few pounds for camp. I never was overweight, I weighed 135 pounds and was 5 foot 3....I guess you can say I was "healthy." At the beginning of the summer I was 135 and by the end I had dropped to 89 pounds. I was scared and frail and didn't have control of what was going on, or you can say I had too much control. In February of that year my father passed away--he was not only my best friend, but my strength as well....I thought this would be the end for me. My dad was the only one who understood me and never got impatient or annoyed--he just comforted me. Now I'm 23 and still dealing with my eating disorder. I really want to get help, but don't know how. I don't really have support from my family because it has come to the point where they are "annoyed" with my eating (I never really got support from my brother and mother anyway)....I guess I just want someone to talk to, who understands and can maybe help me get through this so I can finally go on living.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 12/02/02
YOUR AGE: 23
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: tarag47@yahoo.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional):
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): Toronto, Canada
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Heather
I started to lose weight about the same time my best friend did. This was right before the end of my sophomore year. I lost a few pounds, not much, but I was healthy. My best friend went away for the summer and became extremely thin--she was down to 98 lbs. ( she's 5'1"). I was outraged--how was she so skinny?!? In November of my junior year I moved and became depressed and ate very little. Without realizing it, I was losing weight. I became obsessed with losing weight. I began to notice my best friend gaining and I felt stronger than her. She was diagnosed with bulimia around the time I was starting to lose weight. I became obsessed with my body, my weight, diet pills, and now the new idea of purging. I lost more weight and was beginning to starve myself more. I went down to a size 3 from a size 9. I couldn't be more unhappier, though--I wanted to lose more.
A year later I am now gaining weight. I am currently 120 lbs. and wish to be 108, but this won't happen because of starvation--I became a food obsessive and constantly binge. I followed my best friend almost exactly, except she is getting better, and I am getting worse. The feeling of loss of control is horrible, leading to another binge and sometimes another purge.
Why don't I get help? Well, I can't...my mother is an obsessive compulsive and would have a panic attack. She would watch me eat, make sure I didn't eat too much, and this will trigger a relapse for me because my need for control has been triggered by her need to control me and my life.
Email me if you can help me, share a similar story, or just want to chat.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 11/16/02
YOUR AGE: 17
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: ana_mia_chick@hotmail.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional): Will tell when email her
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): New York
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Michelle
I don't know that I have a specific story. Even if I did, I wouldn't know where to start. My starvation habits/anorexia/etc. have happened for several years now--maybe 12 years. As a child I was very chubby, and so were my siblings - nothing was ever thought about the word "fat" or about how many calories were in something. Today I've been in two hospitals, which at one of those times I was very violent. I was angry, but not so sure what I was angry about. I've taken "my lunch" and lied saying I ate it, after I had thrown it away. I've taken a bite out of something and thought, "You can't eat that, spit it out right now," and have spit out what I did take off and threw the rest away. I know there are people starving all over the world and I hurt for them, but I don't feel that way towards me. I feel guilty that I do eat anything. I feel guilty when I throw the food away, I feel guilty when I lie about it. I've never talked to anyone about this, except doctors, so I know that my friends and family probably know because of what I look like, and comments they make about how skinny I'm getting or about how good I'm looking when I start gaining a few pounds. But no one understands that no matter how low I go on the scale, or how high, I will never be the right size. I've had to shop in different cities just to find my sizes in certain clothes. There's not a whole lot of size zero's here, and now I am a 6. It's killing me - I feel like I am the most obese thing I have ever seen. I see people that are slightly larger than I am and I don't think they are fat, so why do I feel like I am? I just want to be back down in my zero's, and everything would be fine. When I was there last Christmas, I still wanted to lose five more pounds, and now I'm wanting to lose 30. It's going to take awhile and I'm sure my family won't let me lose all of the 30, but maybe 15 they might.
Now I've been plagued with the incorrect diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder. I've taken myself off of all medications--as with most all bipolar medications, one side effect is weight gain. Who in their right mind would give an anorexic person a prescription for weight gain? Maybe I just didn't have the right psychiatrist, but that was the third one, so maybe they were all wrong. Anyway, with this medication over the last six months I've gained 37 pounds. At this point I've only lost nine of those pounds--I eat one meal a day. I constantly feel like I haven't slept in days - even though that's what I do, if I'm not at work. I go through seasonal changes, where I lose weight quickly and I exercise like crazy, and then something happens and I always end up gaining it back. This time it was the medications. Last time it was depression from a divorce. It's always something--isn't that how the saying goes?
I just got out of the hospital last week because my colon had basically stopped doing its job. I went to the bathroom one morning, and all of a sudden the toilet was half blood and half stool. My doctor sent me straight to the hospital, where they proceeded to completely empty out my colon. I was told that it could have been the medications that I had been taking or it could be the fact that I had starved myself basically for the last year, and now my colon finally had something to process and the muscles were too weak to do their job. They did all kinds of tests and scans, and having found nothing, sent me home. I'm sure I've done damage to my body by not eating, then eating, then not eating, but I don't know how to stop a trend when there are different circumstances that create me to begin and end the cycle. I need help in fighting the feeling. I need to know how to stop feeling fat, how to stop feeling like I'm letting everyone down, how to get energy back so that I can play with my nephew, how to get that feeling of self worth, and a little self esteem wouldn't hurt, so that I could make love to my husband again. I'm hurting inside and outside, and feel like I am huge on the outside and inside - but my logical mind knows that I am in my range of where I should be for my height, I just don't know how to get my outer mind to think the same.
I don't know if I made any sense, or if I jumped around too much, so I'm sorry if this is just too scrambled.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 11/14/02
YOUR AGE: 28
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: mpturtle33@hotmail.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional):
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): Asheville, NC
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Elaine
This might be long, you have been warned. I am miserable with this eating disorder. I binge and purge and starve and overeat. I am 5'9" and 140 pounds and I have just lost 13 pounds. I wear size 7 though...so I think I am a normal weight and size. But I have also just recently gotten pregnant again (I have a 3-year-old son). It is the last child I can have because of a prolapsed uterus. So now I am eating like a cow, just eating all day long. I have been eating 2000 calories a day for a week now. And I can't stand still being 140 pounds. I have to be 120 so I can feel good about myself. The first pregnancy I hurt myself by not eating that much. I had to have two root canals after I gave birth. The baby had eaten away at my bones and muscles. I had no muscles holding my shoulder blades together, but I was still 160 pounds after I gave birth. The doctor told me that that was odd considering I was so overweight. I was very weak with that after-birth belly, which is horrifying in itself. Doctors put me on Phentermine and an anti-depressant, which both exacerbated my anxiety and depression about my weight, and I had a nervous breakdown and started hallucinating. I also have absolutely no support around me. I actually have a lot of pressure to be thinner or else be ostracized by the people around me. And I am so terribly alone. No one understands. I feel totally ostracized by my family and mainly my husband's family, who I can't escape. My husband tries to support me, but he doesn't understand how someone can hate themselves as much as I do.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 11/12/02
YOUR AGE: 24
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: bluealice78@hotmail.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional):
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): Oklahoma
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Rachel
I am a student in college and I have had anorexia for the past year. I live in Lancaster, PA and I am looking to find a support group. I have made many strides toward recovery this past year?gained 15 pounds and am starting to eat and think about food like a "normal person." I was on diets for as long as I can remember, and gradually the diets got stricter. I started to make certain food groups (i.e., meats, fats) off limits. I would tell my parents I was eating with friends and I would tell my friends I had already ate with my parents. Eventually I was down to about 700 calories a day and I was about 90 pounds. I physically could not eat anything more than rice cakes, non-fat yogurt, fruit, oyster crackers and diet Coke. I would take diet pills and laxatives to control hunger and eliminate the little food that I did actually eat. Whenever anyone would ask why I was so skinny or if I was sick, I would just brush it off. I thought to myself, "How can anyone think I am skinny, when I am so fat?" It took me a long time to realize that I needed help. I was so unhappy then and no matter how low my weight went I wasn't getting any
happier. I have been in therapy for about a year now--seeing a nutritionist, therapist and family doctor. I am by no means totally better, but I believe I am definitely on the right track. I can finally live my life without being paranoid about where I am gonna eat and how I can get out of eating dinner with my family. I really would like to talk to someone else who has gone through this illness. I don't know anyone else with anorexia or any eating disorder and I feel kinda weird talking about it with my friends at home. Please email me.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 10/27/02
YOUR AGE: 19
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: Rach7521@netscape.net
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional): rach7521
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): Lancaster, PA
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Oona
My story with anorexia began about three years ago when I started to diet "lightly"--you know, cutting sweets, becoming a vegetarian, restricting breads, etc. Little by little the problem became worse--as I lost weight, I felt I was achieving something wonderful; I was taking control of "my life" (if you can call this disease a life!). Finally I hit bottom--the ironic thing is that the more I think about it, the more doctors I see, the worse it seems to get! The thing that affects me most is the pain this disease causes my mom--I feel as if I'm harming her as well. I really don't know how to get out of this; it's like a cancer: you go into remission and fall back in again. I know I want to live, I know I want to be NORMAL, I want to ENJOY life, I want to feel HAPPY.... Every since the disease got worse, I have become this sad, sick, depressed person. I don't recognize myself anymore.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 10/22/02
YOUR AGE: 21
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: oonabustard@hotmail.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional):
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): Latin America
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Liz
I can't believe that any of what is going on is happening to me. Two days ago I went to an appointment at a local hospital with a psychiatrist specializing in eating disorders. I was just diagnosed as an anorexic with depression. I am so scared and I have no idea how it spun this far out of control.
My entire life I had always been the chubby kid. I always had a round belly as a kid and I grew up into an overweight pre-teen. I would envy my friends as they would wear their size 3/4 jeans, but then I would eat an order of large fries and rarely exercised. My father had dealt with being overweight and lost forty pounds, and my mother was constantly dieting. My sister, who is two years younger than me, is also very overweight. After gaining 13 pounds in 4 months, in March of 2002 I went on a real diet. I had tried dieting since the second grade, but nothing ever worked. This time I knew I had to make it work. I started at 140 pounds at 5 feet tall and now I am 100 pounds. That is more than most anorexics weigh, but I am still losing weight, and it is a low weight for my bigger frame. My mother caught this problem early on, because she was a bulimic/anorexic, and recognized there was a problem and wanted me to deal with it before it got any worse. I have an appointment to see a therapist and a nutritionist, but I am very scared. My doctor says I am losing muscle mass, protein from my brain, and so many other scary things that are happening to my body, and I am terrified. I have stopped getting my period, too. I no longer have much interest in my friends and school. I used to be one of the smartest students in my grade and now I pull a B or B+ average. I am a runner and I make myself run 4-7 miles a day. I take in about 600-700 calories a day. I rarely have any energy. One of the worst things is that I still don't think I am thin. I am embarrassed to be an anorexic because I don't think I look starving. So I feel stupid because it says on paper that I am thin to the point where it's a disorder, but I still feel so fat.
If anyone thinks they can help me, please don't hesitate to e-mail me. I really need someone who has been there. Thank you!
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 10/18/02
YOUR AGE: 14
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: lizangh@hotmail.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional):
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): USA
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Claire
I have been anorexic for about eight years. I am struggling really badly
at the moment. I want to get better, but have such a fear of being fat.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 10/15/02
YOUR AGE: 21
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: Tizer81@aol.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional): Tizer81
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): Totton, Southampton, England
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Baby
I have had an eating disorder as long as I can remember. When I was in between the ages 2-6 I barely ate anything, and my parents had to force me to eat (this is what they've told me). I remember throwing up for the first
time at the age of seven, and that continued for a while until about 7th grade. In 8th grade I started to overeat and gained 10 lbs. I've never been
overweight in my entire life and I still wasn't at the time I was COE, but I was
freaked by how much weight I had gained and the comments from my mother on the weight I gained. The reason I gained so much was because I had back surgery and was in the hospital for a week. I've never been clinically diagnosed with an ED, but I know I have one. I never realized I even had a problem until someone said it at lunch in my 9th grade. I immediately researched it and realized I did have a problem. Throughout 10th and 11th grade I teeter tottered between ana/mia and OCE. I just can't seem to help it. I'm in 12th grade now and trying to help myself. It just seems so hard because lately its like everyone has an ED. I just wish I could be normal.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 10/15/02
YOUR AGE: Almost 17
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: IBabyIDollI02I@aol.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional): IBabyIDollI02I
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): USA
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Sammi
I have struggled with anorexia since my teens. Through a lot of therapy, I
am getting better, but I like the idea of a support group. Thanks.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 10/09/02
YOUR AGE: 39
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: prestonnalle@aol.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional):
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional):
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Cynthia
I have been an on and off anorexic for ten years. I am also suffering from severe depression, so I take medication, but it doesn't seem to work because I self-injure during anxiety attacks. I think that I'm punishing myself by doing these things. Some good news though--I've been sober for three years and five months from alcohol abuse. I still want to get drunk right now, so I still consider myself an alcoholic. I would like to receive email from anyone. Maybe we can help each other get better.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 09/29/02
YOUR AGE: 23
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: veganmoon@yahoo.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional):
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): Michigan
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Jan
I am a mom of an anorexic daughter in Texas. We have been in treatment since April, 2002, when we figured this all out. She is doing better, in therapy, on Paxil, with weight 10 pounds from where we began. Every day is a struggle to keep her on the right track with food as she is a volleyball player in her high school.
She is a high achiever and perfectionist.
She is 14 years old and began wetting the bed during the night last May. We have discussed this with her doctor, and no one knows why this may be happening. She got Paxil about the same time. One reason I want to participate in on-line chatting is to see if anyone else has had this come up for them with this illness. (She has never wet the bed prior to this time.)
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 09/15/02
YOUR AGE:
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: jfc9859@hotmail.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional): jfc9859
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional):
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Sammy
I am 16 and suffering from anorexia. I was hospitalized once in April and was in for two weeks, then did a month and a half of intense outpatient. I then started just seeing a therapist and a nutritionist. I relapsed and I had to go back inpatient in August. I was only in for 10 days and was discharged. They were very hesitant to discharge me because they were going to be sending me right to school, boarding school. I've been at school for not even a
week now and I am struggling so much. I don't think I've completed a single day and I get further and further from completing each day. On top of my not completing, I do a lot of walking around campus. I need to stay above a certain weight to remain at school and I don't think I've done so. I know I can only trick the scale like I did last week for so many pounds, and that it won't work forever. Please email me back. I just want someone to talk to who knows what I'm going through. I have a therapist for advice and stuff, so don't feel obligated to give it--I just need someone to talk to.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 09/15/02
YOUR AGE: 16
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: Angelgirl881976@aol.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional):
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): Florham Park, NJ
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Cessa
Growing up in a family of four children, I was the third child, the middle girl. My brother was the brilliant one. All through school, and even college, I believe he made two B's, everything else were A's. Then came my older sister, who is extremely talented, musically and an actress. My little sister, she is absolutely the funny one--great humor. I came between my sisters. The only thing I was known for was I was the skinny one. That is the only thing that made me special in my family. I was the envy of everyone. It basically came through genetics on my mom's side. Her whole family was very tall and extremely thin.
I stayed a size 8 for about 25 years. I just thought I was blessed. I didn't realize that when the jeans got tighter and I lost weight to wear them was the beginning sign of a problem. At work I was on the run all of the time, which kept me in shape, and I lost more weight. I was wearing size 4's and 6's. I was in heaven.
I didn't realize I had an eating disorder until I ended up in intensive care with hypothermia in the middle of the hottest August I can remember. They were pushing nutrient supplements down me. I spent five days in the hospital and eventually went to an inpatient eating disorder clinic. I spent three weeks there.
I was diagnosed in 1993 with M.S., and my doctor put me on a very high dosage of steroids. It put about 40 pounds on me and I hit devastation. I had to buy something to wear to doctor appointments, size 16. I cried. I just quit eating. After awhile I forgot about eating (which is something I unfortunately tend to do today). After about four years, I was wearing a size 12. I do still have my size 6 and 8 blue jeans in a box stored far away. I'm in between wearing size 10 and some 12's. It's still a day to day struggle to eat, but I make myself, even though I'm not wanting to.
I have found that eating disorders are like alcoholics--it's a day to day struggle. It's just something we have to do, even though it's the most difficult thing you have to do every day. Support persons are very important, whether it's friends, family, or someone you know on the internet.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 09/12/02
YOUR AGE: 45
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: RMEBRAT1217@msn.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional): Rmebrat1217
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): Clarksville, TN
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Ashika
I am a 159 cm. tall 14 year old. I used to be the biggest out of my friends. I
used to look at them, and they were so thin. Then looking at myself I
realized that I was fat. Before I started dieting I weighed 45 kilos. Since
then my weight has gone down to 32 kilos. My mind scares me because
although I know that I am thinner now, which is what I wanted, I still want to
be thinner. There are times when I want to eat, but I can't because I am
now scared of food. I am worried that I may never be able to start eating
properly again and that I will disintegrate into nothing. I still look in the mirror and think that if I lose a little bit more, I will be perfect; but
that's what I said when I was 36 kilos. If anyone would like to talk, please
email me--I will reply to everyone. I need help, although I wouldn't be able
to ask for it from person to person. So, this is my last hope.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 09/06/02
YOUR AGE: 14
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: tell_sum1_who_gives_a_dam@hotmail.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional):
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): New Zealand
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Vanessa
I was just diagnoised with anorexia about five months ago and every since then been in treatment. I have been making progress slowly, but some days are better than others. I can also be a great encourager--if anyone wants to talk, e-mail me.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 08/19/02
YOUR AGE:
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: athleticgirl34@yahoo.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional):
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional):
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Will
Hello, my name is Will and I just turned 16 on the 30th of July. Two weeks ago I was discharged from the inpatient unit at Children's Hospital in Seattle. I was admitted on the 22nd of June, 2002, for my eating disorder because my heart rate was extremely low and I was near heart failure. I lost a lot of my muscle tissue and weighed only 82 pounds (I used to weigh 150 lbs.). To be honest, having anorexia has been the most horrific thing I have ever been through--no one deserves to have this disease. Right now I am on an out-patient program with two doctors, a therapist, and my nutritionist. I have been following my meal plan I got before I left and doing much better. I'm not healthy enough to go for walks or do anything that uses up a lot of energy, so I just watch television all day. I think your site is really helpful, and I just want to tell anyone who is having a hard time with this disorder that it can get better--you just have to put your mind to it and follow your doctor's advice, even though it may seem hard. Life is too important to not get it taken care of. Thank you for reading my story, and feel free to email me back if you have any questions or comments. Thank you :)
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 08/15/02
YOUR AGE: 16
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: krayzie702@aol.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional): Krayzie702
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional):
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Karin
My story started summer of freshman year. I started to play field hockey and naturally I started to lose weight like everyone on my team, but I was never really focused on losing weight--I had always been comfortable with my body. Since seventh grade I had separation anxiety from my parents, so I guess that had something to do with it. So finally one day I started counting calories and only ate the bare minimum and still was as active, but I never consciously was like "oh you are fat." But finally one day my parents caught on and took me to my pediatric doctor, and she sent me to a psychiatric outpatient. But it only got worse. So my parents sent me to Princeton Medical Center, and I was admitted as an inpatient. I had the hardest time being there by myself and luckily I had supportive family and friends who visited me every day, even though it was and hour drive. I was in patient for three weeks from December through January and outpatient for two and a half months, but I never really got out of my eating disorder ways and was discharged and immediately went back to my old ways. One month later in May I went back into Princeton, but this time I was more open to treatment. But I never really kicked my old eating ways. At least now I am not in treatment, but I still restrict certain foods. But my weight is stable, so I am doing a lot better. But email me back with some help, please. Thanks.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 08/09/02
YOUR AGE: 15
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: Splash1241@aol.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional):
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): Denville, NJ
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Megs
I can't stand my body! I am 5'3" and 110 lbs...there is nothing about my body that I like. People are always saying "look at how beautiful her hips are, and her butt is so big and perfect".... I want to run and hide because I feel like they are complimenting my fat. I'm a ballet dancer and I used to be the prima ballerina, then I gained some weight because people were catching on
to my anorexia; so I lost a lot of the star roles I was capable of dancing. I quit dance, so unbelievably angry at myself. Now I'm starting to dance again, but along with dance comes anorexia. I just can't seem to do it by myself... all I think about anymore is being everything I want and know I can be. I just need someone to tell me that what I'm doing is okay and that it's going to get me to where I want to be.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 08/05/02
YOUR AGE: 15
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: roxiemjust4u@aol.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional):
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional):
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Sharie
My story is like some never ending story! Thirteen years ago I was finally diagnosed with anorexia and bipolar disorder. It took me ten years to get to 110 lbs. In the last six months it has slowly walked away. I am scared! I have gone back to old behaviors. I have trouble just getting near food! The last couple of weeks have been really hard on me.
In less than three days my 12-year-old son will undergo a kidney transplant. I have struggled with this for a long time. And now when it seems that I should be there for my son, I seem to be falling back into the old ways! Help!!!
I dropped off some paperwork at a local office yesterday and saw a woman who looked so horrible--long hair, and sunken eyes--that dead look of someone who doesn't eat! I thought, my God, is that what I look like again! I have watched my clothes get looser and still can't seem to get this under some kind of control.
I have fought so hard to stay healthy so I could care for my son, and now when things are the hardest, I seem to be losing the battle. I don't want to do this again!
I have started my journeling again and writing how I feel on a daily basis. I have had to give myself permission not to eat everything on my plate so I can eat at least something. My boyfriend is concerned for me and wants to take me out to dinner to help me feel better! Yea, that will help...not.
I know I could go to a counselor, but that would mean having to find someone to care for my son after transplant, and that will be hard. I need to find some way to relieve some of this stress and find a way to give myself permission to gain weight again. I will keep using the things I was taught, but would really appreciate some more suggestions!
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 07/20/02
YOUR AGE: 38
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: tashina1@charter.net
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional): iamdizzytwo
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional):
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Maggie
I am a dancer, and when most people think of dancers, they think of these perfect little bodies. So naturally I felt like I needed to have one of them. I have done every kind of dance possible since I was eight. I also did gymnastics for eight years. I have always been the tiny one in everyone's eyes, that is except my mother's. I know that my mother loves me very much and would do anything for me, but she is a health freak. Everything in our house is organic or from the health food store. This has always helped me because there is never any junk food in the house for me to eat. So it was always easy for me to stay so thin. When I was in gym and dance, I was the most energetic little girl you've ever seen. I would eat whatever I wanted and would lose weight instead of gain it. It was awesome, but once I hit puberty, I slowly began to gain weight. But it was not very noticeable, except to my mother. She would comment on it every time I ate anything. All the sudden I began to become so aware of the body that God intended me to have and hated it. Even as a little girl I thought I was ugly, but never fat. Now I thought I was both. I was home schooled for seven years and I went back to school in eighth grade, and that is where it all began. Even in school everyone would comment on how they wished they could be as stick skinny as I was, but I didn't believe them because my mother was telling me the opposite. So I slowly began to stop eating so that no one would notice. I would always just say that I forgot my lunch, and that I would eat when I got home. So no one thought twice about it. My best friend didn't even know. I got to the point where I was obsessed with losing weight because my mother would praise me for how thin I looked, and I yearned for those complements. Then I started high school--the highlight of some kids' lives, but the dread of mine. I thought to myself, "How on earth can I compete with so many girls my age?" So I thought the only possibility was to stay thin. I would work harder at dance and stay for longer hours at the gym. My friends all began to get worried, but I would always just say that a competition was coming up, and that I needed to look thin to impress the judges. I then turned to diet pills. I would take them before I exercised, and that made me lose weight so much faster. I never sleep at night because I'm an insomniac, and that's a curse in itself, but to pass the time I would do hundreds of sit ups and I would read books about how to lose weight. Summer was always the worst because everyone would walk around in little bikinis, and I would be the one with a T-shirt over her bathing suit. Tenth grade only got worse. Not only was I eating just enough to barely get by, taking pills, and obsessively working out, but I also began to binge whatever I ate. Whenever people would comment to my mother about how thin I was, she would just say that I was a dancer and that I had to watch what I ate. Sometimes I have to admit I really wanted to eat, but not eating almost became a part of my personality. So if I ate like everyone else was, I almost felt like they would not like me as much. Finally my best friend got to the point where she would make me eat in front of her and stay with me for awhile to make sure I wouldn't go and throw it all up. I hated her for it, but at the same time I yearned for any attention, even if it wasn't good. My mother stopped telling me how beautiful I was and just said I looked too thin. I wanted to kill myself. The one person I wanted to lose weight for now said I was too thin. I thought to myself, "Will I ever be good enough for anyone?" So then I decided to gain just enough weight to stop worrying everyone, but would cry myself to sleep at night because it is so hard to watch yourself gain weight after going through so much pain to lose it. I began to excel in dance much more and started doing extraordinary in competitions, just because I had so much more energy. Then I found out I had a blood disease that was serious and was put on tons of medications. Some of them made me gain weight. That's when my self esteem plummeted because I could either take the pills and stay alive and look fat (only to myself) or stop taking them and stay thin. Then I got to an all time worse. I shattered my knee cap, and the bone got stuck in the ligaments and tore them. I had to stop dance immediately and was unable to do workouts of any kind. My knee is now in a full-length brace, and I feel like I'm in my own hell. Last night I went and bought these diet pills, and when I took them, I got really sick. I couldn't drive home, and everything got really blurry and my heart beat sped up really fast. It scared me half to death, but I don't want to stop them because my mother already thinks I'm overweight again. Don't think badly of my mother, because she loves me very much, and I love her that much more. Sometimes I just really think "Is this all worth it? Wouldn't heaven just be a better place for me?" Please write me if anyone knows how I feel.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 07/12/02
YOUR AGE: 17
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: meggstar5@aol.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional): AOL = meggstar5
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional):
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Ashley
I know I'm young, but we have feelings too and we too get pressured by others. Now I'll tell you my story. You see, it started in January of this year when my friends asked this guy from my school out for me. I really liked him, but obviously he didn't like me because he told all of our friends that he would never go out with me. So I thought that it was because I looked like I was overweight, so I started to starve myself. But because I am only 14 years old, my parents still make me eat with them whenever I'm home. So I don't eat breakfast and I wouldn't eat the lunch my mom made me take. Or if my friends made me eat, I would go to the washroom later on and throw it up, plus I would throw up my dinner later on as well. So I wouldn't eat much, and when I did, I would throw it up. So I kept it up and passed out a few times and gained and lost weight through the six months. All of the people that knew us were trying to get us to get together, but it never worked, unfortunately. Well, some of my friends got upset with me for doing what I did, saying that I didn't need it and that they didn't want to see me get hurt. Well, I wouldn't listen. And on June 24th when we had our grade 8 graduation, one of my friends set me up to dance with that guy I liked. It was a wonderful song and dance, and I wish that we could do it all over again. And at one point it seemed like he had started to like me, but then we had a bad turn again--it was like he was teasing me. Anyways, I'm still doing it. And all of the guys from our school make fun of me more than ever, and I start to feel really fat. I want to stop, but I'm going to high school in September and I really want to lose a lot more weight because I don't want to be the biggest one there. People ask me when I'm going to go get help, but they just don't understand. Like my friends look at me like the same person, the only change is they think I'm stupid for what I'm doing, but they don't see that inside I'm frustrated and confused. Please help. Anyone that has any comments, please email me. Thank you!
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 07/10/02
YOUR AGE: 14
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: qtpie_134@hotmail.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional):
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): Canada
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Josh
Most of my life I had been slightly over weight. Before I graduated from
high school, I met someone that I fell head over heels for. She and I were
together for two years, when the relationship fell apart. In the meantime, I had thickened up to 225-235 lbs. The first year after we broke up, I hadn't met anyone yet, so I decided to try to be skinny like all of my friends. Six months had gone by, and I lost about 85-90 lbs. One year after I decided to start losing a little weight, I am now between 140 and 148, depending on if I let myself eat. I am in constant fear of food, of eating and of gaining ANY weight back. Everyone that knew me when I was with her that sees me now thinks that I am dying. I feel fine, I just wish I could stop feeling guilty when I eat. When classes are in session, it is easy to act like I merely don't have time to eat (40 hours plus full-time college), but summer and breaks are different. I wish that I could meet people around my area that share this disease so I stop feeling like such an outcast or like a freak. No one really understands. I am a great person, I am happy, I have a lot of things going for me, I just have this constant paranoia of my body.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 07/07/02
YOUR AGE: 21
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: joshbo70@hotmail.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional): joshbo70
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): Wadsworth (Akron), OH
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Jane-Lara
It must be almost seven years ago that I first tried to make myself sick, I was 11 years old. Back then it was just a once off type thing. I was being bullied and was suicidal. Given time, the bullying stopped, and I wanted to live. But when I was 14 and a half, I decided I didn't want to live and be fat. The lads who bullied me still occasionally commented on my weight, and I hated it. So I started making myself sick. I won't pretend it was anything serious, it really wasn't. But when my friends found out, they started freaking, and I had to go and talk to a teacher, but ignored everything he said. When we went back to school two months later, after the summer break, I stopped eating lunch. I still wanted to lose weight, so did. Gradually I ate less and less and lost about 20 lbs. I always was a healthy weight, so people noticed and commented. After a massive argument, my friends said they'd tell my mum unless I ate. So I ate and gained the weight back. For a couple of months I was happy, but then I found out they had been behind my back. I couldn't deal with that, and because of how much that hurt me, for the past three years I go through phases of "crashing out," where I don't eat and throw up. My weight stays about constant, only fluctuating by about 5 lbs., because I only crash for a week or two. My last crash, though, was the worst since I stopped eating. I had just got rejected from universities I had applied to. Again, I lost the will to live, so started making myself sick again. Rather than just once a day, though, it was four or five times. I took laxatives, which I had never done before, and I exercised too much everyday. People didn't realize what was happening. This lasted almost three weeks, the longest I've crashed constantly for. Then one letter stopped it. Just over a month ago one of the universities reversed their decision and accepted me. At first I was happy, but still wanted to lose weight. Then I thought...nothing is going to mess up this, it is what I want most in the world. I need to appear normal when I go, which gave me four months to get over weight losing. It's been over a month. Whilst I am significantly better than I was, I am not over it. Every day I fight the urge to lose weight and everyday I want to give in. However, I have only thrown up five times, have not taken any laxatives, and have only missed a few meals. I am getting there, though it is so hard. Good luck to the rest of you.
To respect others you must first respect yourself.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 07/05/02
YOUR AGE: 18
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: Will_JL@lycos.co.uk
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional): JaneWillby
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): England
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Holly
It all started when I first got together with my current boyfriend. I was a freshman in high school, and he was a sophomore. In my grade I was in the "in crowd," and in his grade he was in the "in crowd." Me and his friends didn't really get along. They would always make fun of me and they even came up with a nickname for me, Manattee. Every time they passed me in the hallway they would always call me that and every time they did, it made me cry. I was so humiliated in front of my boyfriend and I figured if his friends feel this way about me, then he probably does, too. I decided to do something about it--I stopped eating and lost so much weight in a very little time. I loved it--I thought if I did keep it going, he would like me even more. Later on I found out he was cheating on me. I felt so badly about myself, so I wanted to improve myself even more. I ended up staying with him. I went from snacking on something sometime in the day and eating a small dinner at night, to eating nothing at all. I was getting even skinnier, and some of my friends were telling me how cute my little body was, and I loved it. It worried my boyfriend so much. When we would talk on the phone, he would always ask me if I had eaten, and of course I would tell him "yes" to make him happy, but he noticed I was still losing weight. I got so bad...my parents would make me eat at the table to see if I ate, and my boyfriend would come over just to watch me eat. He would yell at me to eat something, and it bothered him so much. Soon my friends noticed and they started saying things to me about it. My mom took me to the doctor, and all I did was lie and say things like I was only losing weight because I had started volleyball practice. In volleyball during the summer we would have two practices a day, so in a day we would practice about 5 1/2 to 6 hours a day, and I was doing all this work with absolutely no food in my system. That just made me lose weight even faster. I don't know why, but I love the attention I get from it. I didn't do it for the attention, but when I got it, I don't know, it just felt good. After awhile I got better, but now I'm trying to become anorexic again. All the feelings are coming back--like when I would eat just the littlest thing and feel disgusted with myself and feel so fat and constantly put myself down.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 06/24/02
YOUR AGE: 16
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: Vbchick32@aol.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional): vballholl04
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): Indiana
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Shakira
When I was seven years old, I was sexually abused. It went fine up until high school. I had friends, but they completely ignored me. Other kids at school teased me because I was ugly and had an acne problem. No one liked me, they threatened to beat me up. So I never ever went to school. I do have a social phobia. Therefore I stopped eating, I lost about 20 pounds and I haven't even picked up 7 pounds. Currently I weigh 29 pounds. I stay in home all of the time. I was addicted to sleeping pills, which made it harder, but I am clean now. I have such low self esteem because of my hair loss and I have very bad teeth. And I am so lonely and so scared. I want to beautiful and I would really like a good and happy life, with boyfriends and real friends.
I am in school (home school). But I can't do anything right.
PLEASE HELP ME!!
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 06/22/02
YOUR AGE: 16
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: mwbonj@mweb.co.za
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional):
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): Johannesburg, South Africa
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Christie
I have been "recovered" from anorexia for about seven years now. During my illness I was forced to take a year off of college and I worked very hard to gain back my life. And I thought I had. Recently I decided I needed to lose a little weight, since my weight has been slowly increasing over the past two years. I started Weight Watchers, and within two weeks I'm falling back into my anorexic patterns. I'm scared. I feel very alone. I am finding some comfort in reverting back to my old habits. But at the same time, I remember how hard I've worked to overcome anorexia and I don't want to go back there. I don't feel like anyone in my life understands.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 06/21/02
YOUR AGE: 28
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: browneyes74@juno.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional):
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): USA
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Dawn
My story is a long one, but I am willing to share if it helps someone else. I was diagnosed at the age of 21 with anorexia. I went through a pretty good childhood, as well as my teenage years. I married when I was 18 and had a beautiful little boy. I walked into the labor and delivery room at 101 pounds. He was three weeks early, according to the doctor. I shortly after divorced an abusive husband, whom also used drugs. In May of 1998 I found my true love, or so I thought--God had different plans for him and called him home. On October 1,1998, I went to my doctor weighing 62 pounds. He pleaded with me to get me to go to the hospital to be admitted. I in turn begged him not to put me in because I had an Aerosmith concert to go to that night. After talking it over with my best friend, he called my doctor back and told him that I would be in the admitting room at 8 a.m. the next morning. I went to the concert and the next morning was admitted to the hospital. I had two IV's, one in each arm. I was scared because I didn't realize what I was doing to myself until then. I was finally released later that next day. It is now 2002, and I'm still battling this disorder. I sought help once more, after I called my doctor crying my eyes out for no reason. He referred me to a psychiatrist. I told him if he was like my other seven or eight psychiatrists, I didn't want to go to him. He assured me that he was the best. I went to him in hopes that I would beat this thing. I did, however, find out that I am not only anorexic, but I am also bipolar type 2--manic depressive. I was put on a medication that has helped me deal with the depression parts. But the best and wonderful thing about me going to him is that when I went to him in January, I weighed 70 pounds--today I am 90 pounds. One of the side effects of the medication is it makes you eat, and when you eat, it makes you feel better about yourself. I do not step on any scales--in fact, I threw my scales away. When I am weighed in the doctor's office, he makes me turn the opposite way so that I won't know what I weigh. He has helped me open up and talk about my disorder. I'm not proud of having this disorder--it doesn't make me feel good about it, but I have it and I take it step by step and day by day. I realized that I have only one chance to live and see my son achieve in his goals. He, as well as my doctor, psychiatrist, and my best friend have contributed to my stepping stones to recovery. I'm still not fully recovered, but I'm slowly working on it. I have no family support, my mom and dad say- it's all in your head and they pushed food on me. I found that I was my support group, and that if I was going to change what I was doing to myself, I would have to make that first step. I hope this helps people to realize that an eating disorder is not pretty, it's not a cool thing to do. Please, if you are doing this to yourself, think about who you're hurting. I hope to hear from you and I will answer everyone's email. Lots of luck, and remember only you can change what you're doing.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 06/19/02
YOUR AGE: 27
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: ShyninDawn@hotmail.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional):
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): Ahoskie, NC
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Jennifer
Just last year I weighed 155 pounds, now I'm down to 110. I'm not even really sure if I'm anorexic, I just know I feel so guilty when I eat and I am very strict with my diet--at times I have felt so guilty, that I convinced myself I had to vomit or use laxatives. I am constantly thinking about what I can and can't eat, I hurt myself one night doing sit-ups on the hard floor because I was worried I was fat. When I look in the mirror, I see fat..but no one else looks fat to me--I think all my friends are beautiful and wonder why I can't be. I just want to be happy, but I'm usually depressed.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 06/12/02
YOUR AGE: 16
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: miaka16@optonline.net
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional): stevenslilkitty
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): Harrison, NY
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Bree
I am the middle child of three girls and have lived a basically perfect life. My childhood years were great, and I have always been a great student in school. My passion is ballet, which I have been doing for my entire life. Last summer I was accepted into the Pacific Northwest Ballet School on full scholarship to attend their five-week intensive dance camp in Seattle. I have always been extremely skinny by nature, and many dancers at the program envied me for my "perfect" body. However, the competitive surroundings and the loneliness I felt caused me to hate myself and my body. I then began to restrict on eating. When I returned home, it was apparent I had lost a lot of weight, and we quickly sought treatment. I then went to the cardiologist and discovered that two of my heart valves were leaking, and I was to stop all exercise completely. I was pulled out of ballet and school. I then spent a week in the hospital shortly after. In January I returned to school, but still was not allowed to dance because my heart had not completely healed. Treatment has been going well, but recently I have been informed that I will have to end up weighing about 10 lbs. heavier than what I was when I was healthy in order to heal my heart. I want to get well so badly, but I'm terrified of what the weight gain will do to me. It hurts me so much to know that if I had never gotten the eating disorder, I wouldn't have to weigh that extra 10 lbs. and I would've had a normal, healthy heart. I want to dance again, but I don't want to return as a fatter person. I want more than anything to get better, but I'm just so scared right now. Please help me.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 06/12/02
YOUR AGE: 15
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: breezies08@excite.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional): Breezies08
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): Dallas, TX
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Jessica
I don't even really know what to say. I've been ana and mia for about two years. When I first started not eating, I had the help of four friends. We would keep journals together of our calories consumed throughout the day. It was sad. Now I'm in counseling and am trying to get better. A part of me does want to keep going though...I want to be skinny, and my fear of getting fat again is overwhelming. That is enough to not eat for me. Another thing that has not helped me are the pro ana sites that are out there. I've become hooked on those. Please email me or IM me...I need all the support I can get, and hopefully I'll be able to help you, too! Thanks.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 06/04/02
YOUR AGE: 16
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: loverofjc27@aol.com or jesuslvr2123@hotmail.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional): AIM = livingright27, AOL = loverofjc27, MSN = jesuslvr2123@hotmail.com
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): Iowa
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Julie
I've been battling depression for years. And most of the time I handled it with alcohol and drugs, until last summer. About a year ago I decided that I wanted to lose a few pounds. I never was overweight, but I could always lose that beer gut. So I decided to cut back on my carb intake, considering that was basically all I ate. I'm a carb-aholic! Well, during that time I also decided to start running on a daily basis. It started out so simple, when I think back to it. Just trying to get a little healthy. I never thought it would reach the level it did. I kept running. And the more I ran, the more I restricted. Soon I was losing weight rapidly, and my eating disorder was out of control. Of course, I thought I was in control! It seemed, in my mind, that since my life was out of control with the depression, and just life in general was out of control, the one thing that I could be in control of was my restricting and excessive exercising! Of course, it was really in control of me! And finally in my life I felt like I could succeed in something! Well, a few months passed with this lifestyle, and in October was really when people started to notice that something was wrong. In a few months I had lost almost 40% of my body weight. It was at the end of October that I realized I did have a problem and needed help. I went back to my parents, who live on the east coast, and got into a treatment center. I was inpatient for one week, outpatient for another week and then I did evening treatment. At the time I thought I'm great, I'm eating! But I now realize that although I was eating, I was still not over my fear of food/calories and fat. I came back to California on Xmas Day. And I started to go on with life, like before, working, hanging out with friends. And in the next couple of months slowly, but surely, I started to restrict again. It started off small and just kept growing. About a month ago my friends cornered me and brought me back to reality by saying that it was out of control again and that I needed help, which has always been a very hard thing for me to admit. I always want to do everything by myself, always denying the fact that I could ever need help! Well, it was true, I had now over almost a year lost half of my body weight and I couldn't control it once again. I went into a treatment center for a month and just got out. This time, though, I actually have overcome my fears of food and fat. It's amazing to me the time and energy spent on the actual fear itself. It was like once I realized I could eat what I wanted and enjoy it and not blow up like a balloon, all that energy I can now use towards living my life. So, at this moment I'm putting my life back together again. I know that I'm not recovered and I have a long road ahead of me, but I can finally see some light at the end of the tunnel--which is an amazing thing, and that makes me happy!
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 05/31/02
YOUR AGE: 24
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: Jmoran420@aol.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional): Jmoran420
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): California
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Kat
Hello! My name is Kat. I'm 13 years old and I am a ballet dancer at Miami City Ballet. Ballet is the love of my life, it requires being skinny. For as long as I can remember I've been the twig of the show, the studio,
and the class. But recently this year I've gained 15 pounds! I'm no longer a beautiful 90 lbs., but a HUGE 105! I just don't understand...I mean, my whole life I've been living with a health-nut, witch-doctor mom who has never allowed me to touch Cheetos! I ate the right foods, healthy foods, from health stores and organic markets. But now I see that I'm just a normal girl in class, one who would not dare touch a single thing from the vending machine, while others chomp away endlessly at their bags and bags of chips and candy and pizza being skinnier than me!!! I cry myself to sleep! I also have been going through a hard deal of depression this year from my previous school, but that is ending since I'm leaving for a new school I'll enjoy. I've pretty much gotten over that because I got to 115 when in depression, so I've lost 10 pounds since then, but I still long to be my beautiful 90 again. It's so confusing, I go through the healthiest diets, to binging, to laxatives, to anorexia...oh yeah. I've also practically inherited constipation problems from my mom, I'm constipated sometimes for two weeks in a row! I take laxatives without my parents knowing, but then I find myself going on a stable diet, then back to binging! I look at myself in the mirror later and decide never to eat!!! PLEASE HELP!!! I got my period last year, and it's disappeared for months, which has caused very slight weight gain also. It's all hurting me! I need help, please mentor me through this...PLEASE! Please write back to my email above or Instant Message me. I will be waiting. Thank you for reading this.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 05/24/02
YOUR AGE: 13
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: OotinkibelloO@aol.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional): AOL = OotinkibelloO
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional):
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Charlotte
I don't know how it came about, but I just started to really hate food and I started to count calories in every single food. I hate food and I hate how it
makes me feel--fat. Everyone tells me I'm so small and they wish they had my brilliant body...but I don't believe them. So I started not eating. I would eat a very little breakfast, a little lunch, and not much after that. I would just eat little things with little calories. And then I decided I missed the taste of food. So I started eating again, but this time I would only throw up after I ate. Well, one day my mum finally caught on, when she heard me throwing up in the bathroom. So she's now sending me to a psychiatrist, and I'm suppose to be going to see a doctor soon. I haven't been diagnosed with anorexia and I really don't think I have a problem...but my mum and dad sure do. I would like to hear everyone's opinions of what they think of me and if I really have a "problem." Oh yes, in case anyone wanted to know, I'm 5'4" and 84 pounds.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 05/14/02
YOUR AGE: 15
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: roxysurfchika2@yahoo.com.au
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional): Billabongch182
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): AUS, Queensland, Brisbane
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Krista
I don't know exactly which category this "story" will belong under. I wish every day of my life that it was just another story, another girl who was hurting, why me? This year has been seemingly impossible, I am a sophomore at a catholic school. I have a wonderful family and a great group of "in crowd" friends. We have $...I am not ugly, I don't fit the characteristics of others suffering with an eating disorder. I have had a problem for around eight months now. I live every day to the victory and the punishment of my "color counter"--it is really a school planner with the power to control me!
I used to write out my exercise plan for the week...if I did not abide by every minute of it, every crunch and every push up, then I would punish myself. I started to cut myself one night after what I thought was a routine visit with my psychotherapist. I had really liked him by then--I started seeing him around Christmas of this year, and he knew just about everything. This Wednesday night my mother was acting different, like she was preparing to see someone she did not like or as if she knew something bad was on the way!
That 55-minute visit unraveled everything that I thought I had in my life that was stable. They ganged up on me--my doctor sat in his swivel char and my mother sat across from me. I remember feeling like I was a part of the Bermuda triangle and that any moment I would disappear into thin air! Maybe that was my hope. My doctor dragged out of me everything I had told him. My mother had no idea I had been lying about my weight, throwing up, hiding a scale in my drawer, started smoking (which repulsed me) to lose weight, began taking over-the-counter diet pills to suppress my hunger, taking laxatives when I had eaten something "forbidden," counting calories to the point, or sneaking out my window in the middle of the night to run up and down our driveway.
I guess I scared her--she did not really want to believe me. She didn't say a word to me on the way home that night. I was sitting in our kitchen working on homework, when both my parents suddenly appeared at the table. They overpowered me and were both so loud. They were scared too--they forced fruit down my throat and vitamins, too. I sat in the Iiving room with my father for four hours that night so that I couldn't throw up. I hated them so bad that night, I thought to run away, but then I saw the kitchen knife laying on my vanity. Reflecting in the mirror, it almost called to me. Suddenly my right arm was so bloody, I had to wrap it in a towel to keep it from dripping onto my carpet.
I lay in my bed that night, my right arm still wrapped, in my left arm I clutched my teddy bear (a stuffed Derek jeter big beanie baby). I didn't feel anything, not pain, not happy, nothing. The pain in my heart I didn't even feel. I began cutting more--if things got too hard, if my friends got mad at me, if I just couldn't shake that lonely feeling--I would automatically go for the knife! Everyone saw right through the Band-Aids, too--both arms were covered in them. I wore sweatshirts most of the time, but they all knew. If anyone asked, I would give them a weak smile and tell them "a cat got hold of me."
I have fought off the urge to cut for weeks now--every day is hell! My brother last night bought my Mom a new sterling silver knife set. They want me to break them in--they are screaming for me to use them on more than my daily 1/4 apple! I cannot cut--people are counting on me to get through this, and I will continue in my fight!
Please pray for me. And to all other sufferers, please know that others feel your pain and deep hopeless despair.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 05/03/02
YOUR AGE: 16
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: livinitup@aol.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional): AOL = livinitup
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): Kentucky
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Danielle
Well, here is my story. I have been debating about whether or not to post it
because I worry about someone who knows me reading this and figuring out that it is me...but I'm willing to take that chance. I am so tired of feeling
alone.
I've had disordered eating habits and a low body image since high school. At
5'9", 140 lbs. I felt that if I could just lose five or ten pounds, everything would fall into place and I would be happy. It wasn't until my junior year
of college that something clicked and suddenly losing the weight was
amazingly easy...only too easy because I kept on losing, but still thought I
looked horribly fat. I couldn't understand this dark cloud that seemed to
engulf me, and the only way to keep it at bay was to diet and exercise. I
never intended to become anorexic! But once it takes hold, it is like a
demon--it appears to be your best friend, and then turns out to be your worst enemy, because what you are trying to do to save yourself is actually
destroying you. Its tentacles are so deeply entrenched that no matter what
you do, it still clings. I have been in recovery for almost four years. In
some ways things are so much better. I have at times experienced a freedom that I never thought possible. But I still panic if I don't exercise and
often feel so disgusted with myself for eating (and then I have to exercise
more) and allowing what little weight I have gained to stay. I think if I could just get rid of it (and then some), everything will be okay. I know rationally that losing weight is not going to solve anything and that it is so deceptive--but that's just the problem. At times it is so deceptive that I really believe it is the solution. I am so tired of struggling with this! I want to be free! I have some wonderful friends, but I don't feel that they could understand. I feel so alone sometimes. When I was still an undergrad, I was in a support group that was wonderful. Now that I am in graduate school there is no such support. I miss it very much. If anyone reads this and wants to talk, please email me. I have been touched by the stories that I have read. All of you have a deep wisdom and something unique to offer the world. Perhaps together we can help each other bring it forth.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 04/28/02
YOUR AGE: 24
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: danni77@aol.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional):
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): California
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Gina
I am in despair. I have struggled with this since I was 10. It has
become my identity. I have a beautiful six-year-old little girl, whom I
don't want to leave due to dying from this problem. I am 5'2" and 79
pounds. I am scared that I will die, and she will wake up and find me dead
in bed. Though I love her so much, not even my love for her can make me
eat. She says to me, "It's okay if you look like a teenager, Mommy." or, "I
don't mind having a skinny mommy." I have no problem telling her how
beautiful she is and giving her positive strokes. She eats very well and
very nutritiously.
My physician has tried everything he can, but says he's not knowledgeable
about this disease and wants to hospitalize me. The problem is I am one
semester and a summer away from a nursing degree. I wish he could have
time to investigate into the disease and help me. Or...is there no hope for
someone who has spent 3/4 of her life intermittently battling this
disease?
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 04/16/02
YOUR AGE: 34
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: gnsib@ticon.net
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional):
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional):
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Amber-Lea
I'm not a very good writer, so bear with me here. From the time I was about five my mum told me I was fat. As I got older my sister and brother and dad started, too. When I turned about ten, I got really sick and realized because it was making me throw up, I was losing weight. So, I started throwing up purposely. After I got healthy, nobody ever noticed cues. They never paid attention. This went on for years. When I hit 14, I stopped eating. By the time I hit 15, friends started noticing and tried to get me to eat, but when I did, I just started throwing up again. I now go back and forth between not eating and throwing up. I'll go days without eating, because my body can handle about four days of no food. I've never actually hit the weight my body is supposed to be at for my age and height. I'm always under, but I still feel fat and get called fat by my family when I see them (I don't live there anymore). I've done counseling at the group home I live in for about five months now, but they don't understand and can't seem to help me.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 04/05/02
YOUR AGE: 16
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: little_carrie15@hotmail.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional):
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): Ontario, Canada
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Wish to Keep Confidential
I am terrified with the nagging thought that I have anorexia. I have refused to believe it and have been in a state of denial for the past four years. My 15th birthday was two days ago, this has been going on since I was 11. I just got my period and developing. I actually had a nice figure (5'3" 110 lbs.), but as I got older, the pounds started mounting and mounting. I got to 117 lbs. and was totally disgusted with myself. I decided that I would just go on a simple diet. My daily intake of calories was STRICTLY 800 calories, any deviations would mean punishment. My mother had always been concerned with her weight and instilled that thought that if you weren't thin, you were ugly into my sister and I (my sister was 5'2" and 94 lbs. when she was diagnosed anorexic before I can really remember). So we have a treadmill and stair stepper in our house. I woke up every morning at 4:00 to exercise
for two hours before school. Then I would come home and exercise until I had burned off at least 500 calories that day. My mom was really busy with work, so she didn't notice. I weighed myself last week at 96 lbs. I have an unusually low blood pressure, I feel cold all the time, I get dizzy when standing up, and my feet have formed a sort of extra skin from all the running that when I stepped on a staple yesterday, I didn't notice until I put on my shoes. I'm so scared to say anything because I can't gain weight. I tried solving
it myself, but when I gained a pound, I became depressed and skipped a day of school to stay home and exercise off 1,300 calories.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 04/01/02
YOUR AGE: 15
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: Withheld Upon Request
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional):
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional):
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Merrin
I'm really bad at writing, and my story would be really boring, so I won't make
it long.
Okay. Well I think my story started in year eight (last year) at high school. I
started feeling "too fat" for my liking. I didn't really do anything about
it, but I remember once saying to my mum, "I'm so fat," and her replying with
something like, "hey you are," or something along those lines. About halfway
into first term (we have four terms a year in Australia) through year eight I went off food. I didn't feel like eating and I didn't want to. I started waking
up in the morning hungry, but not eating anything except a glass of milk, then
going to school and not eating my lunch. I'd then come home and eat heaps,
but then I'd feel bad, but at that stage I didn't really care. Then at dinner
time I'd eat only a small dinner because I wasn't hungry as I had just eaten. This sort of became a routine, but then halfway through the year I started
eating my lunch again because one of my friends had anorexia and was in the
hospital, and I didn't want to go the same way. But after eating again I put
on weight and felt bad, so I started not eating again. I didn't eat much after school, but I did eat something like a sandwich or a fat-free yogurt. At the beginning of this year (year nine) and late last year I started not eating anything after school. At the beginning of this year (only) I didn't drink my milk in the morning. I started doing exercise (jogging in my room before my parents got home from work and running around the block a few times) after not having ate for the past 20 hours. This has been going on for the past six months now (since late last year), and I don't feel that I have lost any weight. I still feel fat, even fatter than before, even though the scales tell me otherwise. This is my story, and I hope anyone who reads it will find it more interesting than I think it is.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 04/01/02
YOUR AGE: 14
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: merrin88@hotmail.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional): MSN - merrin88@hotmail.com
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): Sydney, Australia
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Beth
I have been anorexic since I was about 17 years old--a good portion of my life. I have had times in my life when I have gained weight, but I never changed my behaviors. I know that this disease will eventually kill me. This is a particularly bad period for me right now. I have been so weepy lately and I just don't know what to do anymore.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 03/30/02
YOUR AGE: 35
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: LadybugRn67@aol.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional):
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): upstate NY
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Morgan
My story begins when I was 14 and staying with my grandparents in Charlotte, NC. At age 14 I weighed in at 230 lbs. I started making myself throw up by putting my tooth brush down my throat. I saw how much weight I was losing and soon found myself unable to stop. No one in my family nor any of my friends knew what I was doing. I was able to keep it a secret for nearly four months, until a friend of mine confronted me on my weight loss. He told my mother everything that he had suspected. She was first to take me to the doctor. I was scared because I knew they were going to put me somewhere I didn't want to be, like a hospital. I was right. That night I was diagnosed with bulimia with anorexic tendencies. Only a few hours later I was rushed to the emergency room with a heart rate of 36. I was admitted in the local hospital for eight days. Then the day I was discharged from there I was told I had to go to another hospital a few hours away. I stayed there for three weeks. I quickly learned how to fake my way through a program, which made my stay a little bit shorter. Two days after being discharged from Baptist Hospital, I had returned with doctors orders. That stay lasted another three weeks. I went home and was losing incredible amounts of weight very rapidly. On my 15th birthday (October 7th) I had a small piece of birthday cake and thought that everything was okay. Later that night I freaked out over that cake and took 75 laxative pills to lose the weight I had gained from that cake. I had a heart attack from that and was taken to yet another hospital for a two-week stay. From then on my life has been a journey of hell. I have been admitted in 13 hospitals for my eating disorder and now weigh 115 pounds...I am 5'11". The doctors tell me at every visit that I am nearly 40 pounds underweight. What do I do? I have tried taking my life on more than one occasion, all to be a failed attempt. My mother has spent thousands of dollars to help me, but I just can't do it. This morning I ate an apple, the first thing to go in my mouth in eight days besides laxative pills. I am dying for help. I have lost all of my friends, and my family can't stand to even look at me. I'll do anything to be normal again.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 03/29/02
YOUR AGE: 15
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: soccerhottie2121@hotmail.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional):
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): Chapel Hill, NC
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Sarah
I have gone off and on fasting for the past year. I didn't really keep it going over the summer and I don't really have anyone I can talk to about it. Everyone thinks it's some deadly disease, but really it is helping me. It is lifting my self-esteem. I am on-line usually everyday and I would love to talk to people on-line.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 03/19/02
YOUR AGE: 15
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: horsehed1500@yahoo.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional): horsehed1500
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): Concord, MA
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Karin
I think my story began in sixth grade, but I'm not certain. I know that my sixth grade year was the highlight of it though.
It all started when I had to wear extra large pants--my mother and I couldn't shop in the teen section or the children section because everything was too small, so we had to buy my clothes from the petite section. I remember one time my mother said, "Karin you need to lose some weight....." and so I did. I started my diet in the spring. I started with only eating healthy food, but that didn't do anything.....and then to my luck, I got seriously ill for two weeks and was unable to eat, so you can guess what happened.
Well, when I started back at school people didn't stare at my body in disgust, but gave me compliments on how great I looked. With that thought in my head, I thought I could look even better if I dieted more by not eating. During the summer months I lost a great deal of weight, and people stopped giving me compliments, but started looking at me in disgust. I thought, "Oh great, I
must have gained weight," so I ate less and less.
My parents took me to the doctor, and they diagnosed me with anorexia. My parents had to force food down my throat, and I hated it.....I felt so disappointed in myself for eating food.....I hated myself. Well, they watched my every move for the rest of the summer, and when school came around, I felt a leap of joy because they wouldn't be able to watch me anymore. So when school came, I stopped eating my lunch altogether. They questioned me every day, but I just lied. When I wouldn't eat dinner, I would just make up stories of having a big snack.
Sooner then later my parents signed me up for therapy. Every Tuesday I dreaded the long sessions with the doctor, because I knew that I wasn't going to let them change my mind about the way I looked.
Now I'm in high school and I look back on the day that I was finally taken out of therapy (it took a lot of my strength to convince everyone I was all right, when I really wasn't). My parents still ask me if I eat, and I still lie.....I eat more than I did in my past years, but I skip lunch and I have a small dinner. I
finally decided that I have a problem, but am too ashamed to ask for help, and that is why I have joined this support group so that maybe someday I will have the courage to tackle and conquer my problem. But for now I don't know what will happen to me.....I still lie awake at night hearing my stomach growl, and who knows, maybe I never will beat this battle.....but I hope that
one day I will. I hope that one day I will love myself for who I am.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 03/17/02
YOUR AGE: 15
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: citrus_chic6586@yahoo.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional):
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): Kirkland, WA
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Helen
I have suffered from anorexia for a year now. It started due to a variety of
problems.
After losing 14 lbs., I was referred to a specialist unit where I received out-patient treatment. Unfortunately this didn't work, and five months later I had lost a lot of weight (a lot more than 14 lbs.). I was then referred to an in-patient unit. I was admitted on December 3, 2001. I'm 5'6" and barely
weighed 84 lbs. Before this I had spent a lot of time in the hospital.
I am still at the in-patient unit, but I am coming home for weekends. I will
be leaving in another four weeks. Unfortunately, even though I have gained some weight, I know that I'm not strong enough and I have already planned what I will do when I leave. This weekend I have already reduced my fat intake by incredible amounts.
One thing I have done in the unit is listened to other residents with anorexia and I am helping them with their battle. If I can't battle for myself, I can certainly help other people. So please feel free to contact me.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 03/17/02
YOUR AGE: 17
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: helen_lou76@hotmail.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional):
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): UK
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Olivia
I've been trying to be the "perfect size" for awhile, but being involved in high school sports, the coaches would make you eat. However, I would eat the least possible and work out twice as long. I've graduated, so now I don't work out religiously like I used to and the weight is showing. I want to gain the strength not to eat or start throwing up. I need support.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 03/14/02
YOUR AGE: 18
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: oliviagalan@msn.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional): AOL = livi14
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional):
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Tracy
I have been anorexic for 15 years now. I would like to talk to other women sufferers. Please e-mail me if you would like to talk, as I would really like to talk to other people in the same situation as myself.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 03/08/02
YOUR AGE: 30
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: tracycostelloe@hotmail.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional):
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional):
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Raven
This is not something I do regularly. I've been anorexic for as long as I can remember. I guess it started when I was five. After 16 years, things have started to look up for me. I've told my future husband all of my old tricks, so he knows when to get on me about it. All I want to do is let people out there know that hope is still there. As for my story, I've been raped by eight guys over 16 years--the number of accounts I've chosen to forget. An ex-boyfriend of mine hit me with a lead pipe, killing my child (I was five months pregnant). Things get much worse from there, and I've tried to forget most of the years. By no means am I fully, or can I even fool myself, that I'm recovered, but for all the years that I've dealt with this alone, having someone to trust has literally saved my life.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 02/20/02
YOUR AGE:
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: raven_kali@hotmail.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional):
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional):
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Chelle
My story began four years ago when acceptance was the only thing that I wanted. I was married at the age of 20 and I still am. I also have two beautiful children. I just got out of a recovery, in-patient hospital 3,000 miles away from home, due to severe malnutrition. I almost died, and that's when it hit me that recovery was necessary, not optional. I would like to offer encouragement to all of you who suffer or even are recovering. You can make it. I struggle every day to stay in recovery and I have slip ups, but with God?s gracious hand, He picks me right back up. I still have 14 pounds to gain, but I have hope that I will conquer this. Please offer encouragement instead of doubt. Fight this battle and win. "ED" is not worth hanging onto. What has he given you?? He promises to be our best friend, but all he does is bring us grief--he is our worst nightmare. He takes life away from all of us, he takes time away. Isolation is not what we deserve--we deserve freedom--freedom to love us for who we are and for what God created in us. Get assertive with "ED", kick him to the curve and let?s start enjoying ourselves. I know it is not easy, remember I am a recovering anorexic, I fight him every day. Have FAITH, HOPE, and LOVE for yourself, and as a team, we can all win.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 02/19/02
YOUR AGE: 27
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: batgirlm@peoplepc.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional):
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): Florida
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Trish
I would prefer not to go into GREAT detail--I have been anorexic off and on everysince I can remember.....I have done MANY stupid things to lose weight.....apart from childhood abuse, I was raped at the age of 37, and low and behold my health has been at risk since!!!!!!!! I ballooned to 180 pounds (5'3") and went through a severe depression. Prior to going to court for the criminal case, all my anorexic behaviors reemerged. I lost 50 pounds in three months, which left me at a healthy weight.....when I lost the criminal case because of the police losing evidence, my weight continued to decline. My marriage is over, and I do not blame him at all!!! He is tired of watching me DESTROY myself!!!! I have two beautiful boys that I want to live a happy and healthy life with. Right now I weigh 102 pounds and I'm desperate to break that magical three digit number. I have weighed as little as 82 pounds and I CAN'T go back there, but that's exactly where I am heading. As much as I know the intelligent part of this dilemma, IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE!! My mind and body belong to food, and I can't handle it.....please help!!
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 02/14/02
YOUR AGE: 40
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: itsjustmexoxo@hotmail.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional): itsjustmexoxo
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): Toronto, Canada
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Laurie
I normally wouldn't write, except tonight I feel particularly lonely with this disease. I have been hanging around Ana since I was fifteen, and one thing is for sure, she doesn't change much. When I was fifteen, it was just a game. My friends and I would turn it "on" and "off" as a joke. It was fun.
Well now I am thirty, and it?s not a joke and it's not fun, and I can't stop. A word to the wise - it's when you can't stop, that you realize it isn't a joke. I wish that I would have realized it sooner. Here I sit, having had a rice cake for dinner.....the loneliest girl in the world. You would never believe that I was an outgoing person in high school. Not if you could see me now. You would think, "look at that pretty but sad girl, trying to fit into a world where she doesn't belong." You might even secretly wish you were me when you walk by. Kind of thin, but not grotesque. Kind of sad with a painted smile, and painted confidence to go with it. Hiding everything so deep inside that sometimes a stupid commercial will break me down into tears. Screaming at myself for eating that f____ing rice cake.....I have NO will power. If you ever longed to be someone like me, you should seek a therapist immediately. If you can catch yourself, please, I am begging you to stop trying so hard to fall. Falling, while it may seem glamorous and full of the attention that you might need, with the disappearing act you?re trying to accomplish, is not all it's cracked up to be.
I am sitting in my house begging myself NOT to go look in the fridge, because "I just might eat ." This is a sad, sad life, ladies and gentlemen. It is so hard to imagine that anyone would actually pursue this to the extent that I have. I am sorry. I am just a little lonelier than usual tonight.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 02/12/02
YOUR AGE: 30
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: Withheld Upon Request
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional):
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): USA
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Holly
Well.....I truthfully don't even know where this all started. I guess about five years ago I started looking at myself differently. I didn't look as skinny as I used to. I was still the same height and weight (5'4", 115 lbs.), but to myself I saw fat. My hips were getting wider, and I couldn't wear the same size 3 jeans as I used to. I started eating less at times, and when I lost a few pounds, I liked knowing that I could just keep losing. And then after a few weeks it would just go back to normal, and I'd still see myself as fat, but I just wouldn't do anything about it. So that went on and off for a couple years, and there were times when I'd be obsessed with not eating, and then times when I didn't care. Well.....during the last couple weeks things have been really bad. I hate the way I look no matter what anyone tells me. My boyfriend tells me many times every day that I am beautiful and that I don't need to lose weight. In three days I have lost seven pounds and I'm down to 109. And I keep losing every day. I don't really think I have anorexia, but I know I have a problem. The thing is, I don't know if I want to beat this because I like to lose weight and I am scared to gain it back. I want to be down to 100 pounds and I am determined to make it. I just don't know if I have anorexia or what. I don't know what to do.
DATE INFORMATION SUBMITTED TO THIS SITE: 02/10/02
YOUR AGE: 18
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: hollybrill@hotmail.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional): AOL = holly9483, MSN = hollybrill@hotmail.com
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): Sandy, UT
TELL US YOUR STORY:
YOUR FIRST NAME: Alia
I've been bulimic since I was 22, but even before that I was obsessed with my weight and how I looked. I'm recovering slowly, but surely - but I have other problems - I'm an alcoholic as well. I see my therapist every week, and she's been wonderful. I haven't puked in five days, which is a record for me. I wasn't a chronic puker - eight times in one day at the most - usually just three times a day. Not always after a binge, sometimes just from eating one cookie. I've counted calories as far back as I can remember. I've started a new healthy-diet program that has helped a lot. I stay away from "binge" food - i.e. cookies, cakes, pies, pasta, potatoes, etc. .....I won't keep it in the house, and when I do go out to eat, I stay away from it. I eat purely proteins, high fiber foods, veges and fruit and occasionally a piece or two of dark chocolate. I don't chronically exercise anymore - I used to do cardio workouts four hours a da
YOUR AGE: 28
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS: Ksutra027@aol.com
INSTANT MESSENGER (IM) SCREEN NAME (optional):
YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY (optional): USA
TELL US YOUR STORY: