This week's devotion is entitled:
The inspiration for this devotion comes from several articles from Boundless.org.
Husbands are supposed to love their wives with the same love that Christ had for the church: unconditional, unrelenting, overwhelming, and to the point that He laid down His life for her (the church). In turn, wives are supposed to submit to their husbands the same way they submit to Christ: uncomplaining, unconditionally, gladly, and with love. Those two things are clear and are spelled out in the Bible (see the July 16th and 23th 2006 devotions for more on that). But how do you get to that point? In this crazy, imperfect world where pre-marital relationships within the Christian community (and without it for that matter) are anything but clearly defined, how do you find the husband or wife who would help you serve God better? The answer is that there's no set way to do it, because every relationship and every circumstance and every person is different. But there are some things that you can do that will help you on your way.
1. Throw away your notions of "The One." One of the worst things you could do to impede yourself from getting (or having) a good relationship is to set an incredibly high standard that you feel your future mate must meet. No one is perfect! No one other than Jesus was ever perfect, and even though we are His proverbial bride, you can't physically marry Jesus. By comparing every person you consider for the position of your future spouse to the list of ideals that you have, you will inevitably rule out nearly everyone you meet (unless your list simply states that they must be breathing and must be a Christian, which is probably the ideal list). You have to expect that the person you end up marrying will have their faults, just as you have yours. That doesn't mean you have to "settle," just that you're not going to marry anyone who's perfect (and why would you want to? It would make you feel worse about yourself!), and you need to be prepared for that before you start looking for a spouse.
2. Keep yourself pure. The old saying goes that "a mind is a terrible thing to waste." Well, so is a body. The other old saying goes "men won't want to buy the cow when they're getting the milk for free." Well, in most cases, neither will the women. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that, in today's world system, sex is OK. In some people's minds, getting married without having sex first is a bad thing! The Bible clearly makes a case against that (which could be a series all in its own, so I won't go there today), and we as Christians need to obey God's Word. Not only that, it's a good idea to save yourself for marriage. Pre-marital sex has numerous negative consequences, both physically and emotionally, and it can hurt your chances at marriage (back to the old saying "who wants to buy the cow when they're getting the milk for free?"). Even if you're engaged to the person you're going to marry and the wedding is close at hand, sex was intended for marriage, and nothing else. No other type of relationship, no matter what it's called, is a marriage nor is it sacred like marriage. On top of all of that, a Christian relationship should focus on the ways that it can serve God better. You and your partner should spend the dating/courtship/engagement period growing together in your Christian walks, and most importantly working to merge your separate walks with God into one. Sex interrupts all of that and can lead to the end of a relationship.
3. Chemistry is man's invention. Marriage is God's. Too often people of both genders pass up a what could have been a good, godly relationship because they didn't "feel" anything, they weren't "attracted" to the other person, or there was no "chemistry." This is very similar to looking for "The One" in that you can rule out a good mate because of standard you're judging them against. Read this excerpt from Finding a Husband by Candice Z. Watters (guys, this applies to you too): "A lot of women have good friends who are men. They describe them by saying, "Oh, we're just friends; we've never thought of dating; we're not romantic." Too often we overlook men in the "just friends" category because we're not "attracted" to them. (My roommates and I were guilty of this.) Instead of asking who you're attracted to, start asking "Of my friends, who would be a godly husband, strong partner and good father?" Looking at men this way, you might be surprised who you're attracted to!" Physical appearance and artificial infatuation should be the farthest things from your mind (and heart) when looking for a future spouse.
4. Prayer is powerful. As with anything you do (especially big decisions), you should pray, pray, and pray some more about your future spouse. Ask God to show you the person who would help you serve Him better. Ask God to give you a good marriage, but in His time and in accordance with His Will. Ask God to help you stay pure while you wait for marriage. Pray about every aspect of searching for a spouse and every aspect of what a pre-marital relationship should be. In addition, you need to pray that your life is right with Him before you get into a relationship. You need to be right with God before you can be right with someone else.
I hope this helps you in your search for a spouse!