Bother

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Sanzo-ikkou were travelling in the woods.

“Saaaaanzo! I’m hungry!”

Sanzo growled. “Do you have to endlessly annoy me?”

“Yes!”

“He does cuz he’s a baka saru.”

“Shut up, you perverted red kappa!”

Hakkai smiled. “I’m hungry too. Why don’t we stop and have lunch?”

“YAY!” shouted Goku.

Sanzo gave it some thought. “Ok.”

“Hakuryu, transform.”

They unpacked the food, and Goku began stuffing his face.

Sanzo walked off to think, away from his companions.

He suddenly remembered his scarred past.

~ Wish I was too dead to cry
My self-affliction fades ~

‘My past hurts... so much...”

~ Stones to throw at my creator
Masochists to which I cater ~

‘It’s my fault. Why am I still alive?’

~ You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds ~

‘Why didn’t I didn’t I stop them? He was... like a father. I cared so much about him...’

~ Wish I was too dead to care
If indeed I cared at all ~

‘No one would ever replace him. Not even them.’

~ Never had a voice to protest
So you fed me shit to digest ~

‘Those DAMN YOUKAI!’

~ I wish I had a reason;
my flaws are open season ~

Sanzo collapsed with the psychological pain.

~ For this, I gave up trying
One good turn deserves my dying ~

‘It’s just not worth living. Why didn’t those monks let me die? The shame is too much...’

~ You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds ~

Sanzo's tears blinded him.

‘Why...’

They overflowed from his face.

‘Why?’

They spilled down his cheeks like they hadn’t ever done before.

“WHY!?” he screamed.

~ Wish I'd died instead of lived
A zombie hides my face ~

The rain poured down, drenching him, making him look like even more of a wreck.

~ Shell forgotten
with its memories
Diaries left
with cryptic entries ~

‘I feel so worthless... would they...’ he looked back at the others, who were getting ready to leave. ‘Be better off without me?’

“Yes.” he said out loud. “They would. It might just happen again to... him.”

‘Goku...’

“Sanzo!” he could hear the young boy’s voice.

“I’ll do it.” He drew the gun.

“Come on Sanzo, we’re going!”

‘No. I’m not going anywhere. Goodbye Gojyo. Goodbye Hakkai. Goodbye... Goku. I don’t want to do this, but it’s for your good.’

‘I love you Goku. You’ll... I’ll... always remember you.’

He put the gun to his head and pulled the trigger.

Goku came running. “Sanzo? Sanzo? Where are ya man? We’re going! Come on!”

Then he saw the monk’s body on the ground and gasped.

“Hakkai... Gojyo... come quick!”

“What’s up?” asked Gojyo.

“S-Sanzo...” Goku began crying.

“What happened?”

“I think he... killed himself.” Goku sobbed and held Sanzo close to him. “Why did you, Sanzo? Why? SANZO!!!!! NO!!!! I... love you...”

He pressed his lips to Sanzo’s cold lips, but felt no response.

~ And you don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds

You don't need to bother; I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on:
I'll never live down my deceit ~

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------