The Aftermath

    Ominous clouds darkened the afternoon sky as a vicious wind swept through the treetops. Elephant apples dropped by the dozen, as if hoping that some innocent soul like Bharat Lal would pass underneath. The Main Building was a wreck, with many broken doors and windows. A few boys were sobbing in the corner, not because of their love for school property, but because the wind left without finishing its job. The Main Building was still standing! PBR could not explain this sudden cloudburst. “Mother nature has gone blinking dotty,” said he. The storm took over the School Council, sternly quashing the voices of the more powerful dissidents.
    In the past few weeks, lots of things have been damaged. Even insurance companies cannot cover the loss. If you see Mr. Katre with a few bald patches, you will know why he has been tearing out his hair. Kashmir House itself has suffered greatly. A swift shot from a hockey stick broke a lot more than Samarth Dixit’s heart (which was incidentally broken earlier). We fear that his brain was permanently damaged due to this. For the past few days, he has been screaming like a banshee. All Bodhisattwa Pal suffers from is a shattered ego, since his lady love rejected him quite glibly. Her letter read – “I’m sick. I can’t reply. There is only one cure. GET OUT OF MY LIFE!” Anyway, he always has the School Captain to fall back on. Gogendar Maharaj is quite a sight, with a swollen leg which is almost as thick as his head. The only thing damaged in Vijay Vikram Singh’s life is his angrezi. Fixing it seems out of the question. Kanak Puri proudly claims that there is only one thing he breaks – the rules.
    In Hyderabad House, we find that Aditi has finished off Samuel Dennis and Pranav Ghei after they lost the One-Act Play Competition. They now lie buried under the boiler. Aayush Baheti sheds a tear when he hears this. “She booted me,” he says. Nischay Mitter was last seen looking for something on the Main Field. We discovered that he was searching for... his dignity. It probably fell out with some Welhamite’s used handkerchief. Jupiter Thoidingjam has always wanted to break a record. “But I only have CDs,” he said with bitter regret.
    In Oberoi House, mirrors lie broken all over the place. Modi has been taking his rounds, it seems. When a shard of glass pierced Padmakant’s foot, he screamed in agony, “Kaanta laga”. However, as one approaches the room in Oberoi ‘B’ which everyone affectionately calls ‘Auschwitz’ after the Nazi concentration camp, dead bodies are seen everywhere. Hitler reborn? No. Guess again. It’s Adreyo Sen who chews everything from paper to pens to a stray dog’s right ear lobe. Meanwhile, Saket prepares for his Physics Trial as he observes the effect of gravity on juniors whom he throws down from the balcony. As PKN enters, he threatens to add to this destruction.
    In Tata House, Rajiv complains of a heartache. On being asked whether his girlfriend dumped him, he answers, “Who cares about her. I’m upset because people tell me that I’ve got a zit on my shoulders.” It took a lot of convincing to explain to him that they were referring to his face. Udith Sikand was in a tizzy as an M10 floodlight belonging to the AV squad had been damaged. On hearing this, MSS said , “M10? Yeh kaunsi nai machine gun hai?” Abrar, believe it or not, is in great pain. He is afflicted with an acute case of sunburn.
    In Jaipur House, ‘Geno’ Khosa is destroying everything in sight, just like Antonio Banderas in ‘Desperado’. A missile drops into Harsh Rana’s room – “Kaise ho beta? ” Signed – Papa Musharraf. Holes in the wall prove that Shehbaz Batra has not gone for his eye checkup. “But there was a door there, yaar. God promise,” says he. SMD is worried since his pet ran away. No, Snorty is still there. It’s Yuvan who has run away. Faizan ‘Ambooz’ Kareem seems to have lost the keys to the LPO yet again. Shekhar seems to be down with fever. “I can’t help it. I’m just too hot!”
    And there you have it. Chandbagh– the war zone. Join us again on BBC (Bakwaas Broadcasting Corporation) for another episode of World’s Funniest Animals.

The Doon School Weekly
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