Step 1. Choosing your band!
When selecting a band to become a fan of, remember that actual musical talent is unimportant – what else are session musicians for? The ability to count to four over and over again, play 3 chords and a vague approximation of an AC/DC solo should suffice.
Politics and ideology are also irrelevant. No one cares that Axl Rose is a racist, sexist, violent homophobic little shithead. He has long hair! He might have been kinda cute about fifteen years ago before all the drugs made his skin look like stretched Silly Putty! He can sing impressively high notes without being kicked very hard in the balls! (Though if anyone feels the need to do this they have my best wishes…)
The important things to consider when choosing your band are:
Step 2. Becoming a REAL FAN
Some misguided people may try to tell you that to be a real rock fan you should explore many different types of music, find out about older bands who invented a style of music or influenced your favourite band. The real weirdos out there – musicians, left wingers, vegetarians, Manic Street Preachers fans – may go so far as to tell you that a fan should question things their favourite band does or says, disagree with people in that band, even – gasp! – form bands of their own, not to copy their idols but to see if they can do even better.
THIS IS CLEARLY RUBBISH. The true measure of a fan is not in their originality or creativity! It’s the number of t-shirts and rare B-side releases you own! It’s the number of ticket stubs kept in a jamjar on your bedside table! It’s the number of letters you’ve written to the NME extolling the genius of your loved ones! It’s the number of times you’ve waited outside Wembley Arena until 2am in the freezing cold, just in case you might – my god – catch a glimpse of their luxury tourbus as it glides out of the parking lot!
Step 3. Becoming Obsessed
Many people are rock fans. Many people are dedicated fans. But few can claim to have reached the pinnacle of rock fandom that is the obsessive fan. (Even fewer have dared to venture inside the obsessive’s bedroom, or ‘shrine’ as it’s also known.)
The type of obsessive you are depends on the band you are obsessed about. However a few common characteristics bridge the gap between fans of the Manics and, say, Avril Lavigne (the prospect of someone who likes both is just too terrifying to be contemplated on this website.)
The Obsessive Fan Checklist:
