The Life-style
I’m writing this not because I know it all, or I’ve set up my life perfectly, but because it seems to me that a lot of focus goes into learning D/s related “lifestyle” things…but the emphasis falls on “style”...instead of Life. (And I understand Why, they are our kinks, and we Love to take them out and ponder them) This section is to be more focused on life in general...and in helping get one’s real life in order so that one’s dreams can come to realization.
The Big List Of Stuff To Do (preferably) Before Finding The Oone
#1 Know what you want out of life.
We all want “happily ever after”. So, get more specific. What is “happily ever after” to you? What can you do…all by yourself…to bring yourself closer to that? Setting goals for yourself can be intimidating. It’s hard to push yourself. It’s hard to scale back dreams into bite sized portions…and even harder not to get frustrated and go from taking small steps to sitting in a rut.
But, setting and working towards goals will get you what you want faster than waiting for The Financial Security Fairy to come wave her magic wand at you.
#2 Learn Something Worthwhile.
This is something that really doesn’t ever stop needing to be done. There are always opportunities to increase one’s knowledge. Luckily, because our minds are the one…asset… we have that won’t be subject to stretch marks, drooping and varicose veins.
This could be…
Book keeping
Gardening
“Fancy” Cooking
How to build a bondage table
Massage therapy
Computer skills
Etc. etc. etc.
Marketable skills are good. And nearly everything has a market. Think how much happier you will be in your future life if you know how to do things that will ensure a bit of security for you and your partner. I know that financial issues are a part of all relationships. The reality is that anything you can do Before entering a relationship to keep them in check will only enhance your life. And as beautiful as love is, it’s painfully subject to the reality of your situations.
#3 Be Self Sufficient
Ok, so “competence” isn’t normally in any one’s list of turn ons *specifically*. But then again, no amount of belly dancing is going to cancel out constantly forgetting to pay bills or bouncing checks.
Submissives, don’t assume that you won’t be doing those things. Some Dom/me’s may very well prefer to do those things themselves. But what happens if for some reason They can’t? You should take it upon yourself to be able to take care of “things”.
Dominants, don't assume that your partner Does know...we exchange play lists Full of our most intimate kinks with surprisingly little fuss...but it's rough comfort to know You can get a blow job once You get home from bankruptcy court ( because some one's nastiest lil secret is a Home Shopping Network fetish )
#4 Learn to be Interesting
If you want some one worthy to be interested in you..Be Interesting. I don't mean "make up something interesting", common as that is. I mean really Be interesting. Are you bored? Then you are probably Being Boring. Don't say "I don't have time to go out and find something worth spending time on." You managed it make it to here, so you must have Some free time on your hands.
If all else fails, and you can't find inspiration...go volunteer somewhere..Either (1) You'll be so bored doing so that you Will figure out Something worth doing elsewhere, or (2) You'll help some one else, and in so doing, help yourself.
#5 Learn to be honest.
( I can hear you now, "I Am honest!" uh-huh..I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, since it Is possible.)
I mean really honest...which also consists of.emotionally honest...Don't lead people on, it hurts you both in the long run. . Don't exaggerate your wants, your experience, your ability in order to find some one.
And part of that is...Last but not least....
#6 Learn to say and Mean "no".
Submissives, I don't mean make saying "No" a part of your "Top Ten Ways To Get A Quick Spanking". If you play games with no, expect not to be taken seriously. If there is a reason, give it, if it needs to be dealt with, deal with it. Don't pout, refuse, and feign wounded dignity.
Dominants, that is not licensee to say No just to play "Who's on Top". If Your on Top, will that change because You thought about a request before saying no?
I mean learn When to say No...don't let any one talk you into anything that you are not ready for, are not looking for, and are not interested in because you feel a desire to be pleasing or pleasant.
Understand Why you are saying No...you don't have to go into Why with any one else ( and I am talking outside of a relationship here!) if you are not comfortable with it. Usually, Why does not even need to be part of the discussion. You have a reason, it is sufficient to make you uncomfortable with saying yes, that is good enough for most situations.
You don't have to be a bitch about it to be honest...at least not the first time...if it needs repeating, feel free.
Is this list the end all and be all? No, it is a list of the advice I most commonly give, based on what I and others I have dealt with have needed to hear and do. Also, it's enough to keep the average person going for quite awhile. Following you will find a list of resources specific to this article, which will also be repeated on the Resources Page.
Section One
http://www.about-goal-setting.com/
http://www.supermarketguru.com/page.cfm/1408
http://www.time-management-guide.com/
Section Two
http://dir.yahoo.com/Education/
http://dir.yahoo.com/Education/By_Subject/
http://dir.yahoo.com/Education/Adult_and_Continuing_Education/
Section Three
http://moneycentral.msn.com/Content/Savinganddebt/Learntobudget/learntobudget.asp
http://money.cnn.com/pf/taxes/
Section Four
http://www.volunteermatch.org/
Section Five
Ok, Enough...go to The resource Page if you wish, or try searching with www.dogpile.com