Well here we go.Some insight on how I feel and what goes on in my mind....

5.22.03 9:52 p.m.

Hooooray it's my first blog!!!! I always have so much going on in my head but I never let it out, but I'm finally starting to express my feelingS to people and this is just another means of doing so.I didn't sleep much last night, had so much on my mind.Have you ever felt like your not exactly sure what purpose you serve in life...like why am I here. Lately i've been feeling like everything i touch turns to shit. School and work seem to be the only things going fine for me right now. My personal life is a mess. You know how they say it's better to have loved then to not have loved at all. Well i'm not exactly sure I agree with that.That love is gone and all you have are the images of when the two of you were together playing over and over in your head.And to add insult to injury he's moved on and found a new love. Do I step back and give him his space?Do I continue to be there and have my feelings hurt? What do I do? I'm seriously all cried out,but I'm so lost right now. I can't move on. To what? To who? Who can fill his shoes?All I can do is wait and prey that he comes back to me.Wow this feels so akward since i'm known for keeping my feelings to myself.I can't let this consume me. But it is. Part of the problem being that I have noone to focus my attention to.He has his girl but who do I have?I don't want to move on...what if he realizes he wants to be with me?then i'll be gone and in the same position he's in now.Hell I don't want anyone else but I know the reason I spend so much time thinking about him and her is because i'm lonely...What am I to do?

ginger{=o(

5.23.03 9:53 a.m.

Good morning! Well I'm at work right now and it's such a lovely day outside. Im wearing this shirt that has no back on it. Yay I love the summer. You get to dress so cute.Should I go out tonight? It's been a few weeks plus I have that bottle of hypnotic thats been in the fridge for the past week just waiting for me to drink it.Nah I'll probally stay home. Who knows. Dang I'm hungry, lunch can't come quick enough. Well this is my last week day of work I'll finally have some time before summer school starts to myslf. Not like I really need it but it will be nice *smiles*....Okay well i'm back a couple hours later and still at work.Our sup. took us all to lunch because today was our last day here this semester.I'm so full! I had sweet and sour chicken...hell you can't go wrong with that.I don't be trying that new stuff.I'll pass gotta eat what I know. I got about an hour before I'm off and i'm jus taking it easy.Oh well I guess thats it for today.......

ginger{=op