Welcome to a Day With BA Enjoy Your Surfing In La Jolla, California? Now Go Home!

May 9, 2004 - Some BA Advice, and His Big Idea

How 'bout some good old fashioned surf advice for the few of you - beginners - who actually would like to improve your surfing:

1. The fastest way to improve your surfing is to surf as often as possible, in the best waves you can.

2. But -

3. You AIN'T NEVER gonna be able to ride decent waves if your dismount of choice is to bail-off!

• You gotta learn how to kick-out.
  
  
• If you're riding a long board, you gotta learn how to do a Hawaiian Pull-Out, or even a Standing Island.
  
  
• If you're riding a shortboard, you gotta learn how to pull into the barrel and go out the back of the wave!
  

4. You're NEVER gonna be able to paddle-out through shorebreak if your first choice at crunch time is to let go of your board!

• You gotta learn how to duckdive or roll the wave [turtle]
  
  
• If you can't hold on to your board at The Shores, what's gonna happen if you - God help us all - try to tackle a place like Black's?

Now - The Big Idea - and its Genesis

What Happened:
I almost drowned today, 'cause as I was paddling out at The Shores, I sucked-in 50 gallons of the best white water swill The Shores could dish out -

Why Did it Happen:
I was laughing my a** off at a South End beginner and his typical [and accepted] method of ending a ride - The South Beach Diet, errr, I mean The South End BAIL-OFF -

I guess I should learn how to laugh with my mouth and nose closed - I don't wanna harm any sea creatures - they're all protected, unlike the humans who put their lives at risk surfing The Shores -

Any Damages:
I was very lucky - I was way far outside of the Leash of Death Radius.

BA Has A Friend Indeed

The one guy who got me out of a lot of trouble, when I was a bit younger, and when I was much less likable, was "King" Stahlman

- His business - BAIL BONDS -

BA Wants To Be Just Like "The King"

The field is pretty crowded already with the conventional Bail Bonds Guys - 11 pages in the SBC Smart Yellow Pages -

so I figger I gotta try a different approach -

So I'm gonna:

Be the guy who goes to the aid of a surfer who BAILS his board when he [or she] shouldda been controlling it, or to aid the surfer who was injured by the BOARD BAILER.

I figger there are thousands of Board Bailers, maybe even tens of thousands, in San Diego County alone.

I'm gonna offer Board Bailer's Bonds / Insurance and Uninsured Board Bailer's Bonds

If you are the Insured Board Bailer, and you have a current bond on file with "King" BA, you'll have:

• Liability Insurance
  
  
• Damaged Auto - by the local rats - Insurance
  
  
• Discounts at Roper's Ding Repair
  
  
• Emergency Room Medical Insurance - just in case the Board Bailee isn't too stoked on your surfing skills, and demonstrates a little instant retribution to your mug.
  
  
• Photos of the damage, and for a price, an eyewitness account regarding the kook who made you bail off your board.
  

If you are the Board Bailee, and you have a "King" BA's Uninsured Board Bailer's Bond, you'll have:

• Emergency Room Medical Insurance
  
  
• Discounted Roper Repairs
  
  
• Photos of the damages
  
  
• MY eyewitness account of the Board Bailer's Bailoff, and how dangerous the BB is in the water
  
  
• After all, I am one of the proud, and the few, Surfing Expert Witnesses

I can see the full page ad now:

"King" BA Board Bailer's Bonding

"For the right price, I'll lie on the witness stand"

"You can't count on me - 'cause I surf"

"You can count on me - 'cause I surf"

"Call ahead for better service"

"Lowest rates at the beach"

"Easy payment plans"

"For surfin' hotties, no collateral required"

"If you got my Board Bailer's Bond - you're innocent, I'll lie to protect you"

"Prompt responses assured, unless the wave are good"

And best of all:

FRANCHISES AVAILABLE

Later,

BA

BA - Black's - 2000 - Geoff Pastusack Photo

HOME

© Bill Andrews - adaywithba.com - 2000 - 2004