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Open Adoption
Tuesday, 31 May 2005
Open Records for Adoptees

Open Records for Adoptees - this is a very important issue. Unlike people who were raised by single parents, guardians or foster care providers, people who were adopted are deprived of information about their origins: their true mother, father, grandparents, siblings and ancestors. In fact, their family is deprived of information about their adopted-out family member as well.

And as more children are turned into "orphans" artificially by surrogacy, sperm or egg "donation" or embryo adoption, the same human rights issues arise.
Surely every human being has a right to know WHO THEY REALLY ARE.

Open Records should be enacted immediately - and for all family members separated by adoption.

Persons who were adopted are often called "adopted children" even well into adulthood. They are being TREATED like children by the government as well - being denied their civil rights, human rights and freedom of information guaranteed to all other adult citizens.

People like to scare adoptees, telling them they will be "interfering" in their mothers lives if they contact them. This is nonsense. Many moms would appreciate knowing their now-adult child is alive and well. The level of contact - or whether to continue contact - can be agreed upon by those family members who have been separated by adoption just as the level of contact is agreed upon by family members who were never separated.

Adoptee Open Records - this is a very important human rights issue.

Posted by al4/moms at 2:07 PM EDT
Updated: Tuesday, 31 May 2005 2:07 PM EDT
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Monday, 30 May 2005
Open Adoption?
Now Playing: Manchurian Candidate

Posted by al4/moms at 8:11 PM EDT
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Sunday, 29 May 2005
Open Adoption or Closed Adoption?
Now Playing: Tears in Heaven

Open Adoption vs. Closed Adoption (vs. keeping natural families intact)

Offering a vulnerable naive parent only two "options" - open adoption or closed adoption - may get more babies for adopters, but is it really right to limit parents' choices?

"I read part of your unplanned pregnancy website and I agree that open adoption is bad," a woman wrote to me from a Pro-Life organization.

I found her comment interesting. Yes open adoption can mean intense suffering and the way that "open adoption" is used to lure pregnant moms into surrendering their babies is horrendous. But, presumably the woman who wrote to me still intends to separate families and collect donations and payments for "adoption services" (profitting off babies). But she wants to do it in a way that the people who adopt won't have to know of the suffering of the moms (and sometimes dads, siblings and grandparents) they have used as baby-making machines. Perhaps she missed the part about the effects of adoption on mothers and the effects of adoption on babies in closed adoptions? Perhaps she missed this not-so-very-happy "adoption story" - just one of many closed adoption stories.

Surely there are adopters who were also naive - people hoping to find a baby to adopt, but not thinking about how babies have mothers, grandparents, siblings who will miss them. The baby brokers (adoption agencies, adoption lawyers, adoption "counselors") surely aren't going to mention the techniques they use to get babies. Instead they say the moms just aren't "ready to parent". "Ready to parent"? What is THAT phrase all about? The moms ARE their child's parent - and so are the dads.

What are the techniques used to get babies for adoption?
First, advertise the "adoption option" until people truly believe that unrelated caregivers are preferable to a child's own family.

Second, develop a lexicon to support this rediculous idea and call it "respectful adoption language". ("Respectful"? Their objective is to get babies, so of course they don't mention that the "adoption language" DISRESPECTS natural families.)

Third, Infant Adoption Awareness Training (IAATP) to get a pregnant mom surrounded by people who will "think adoption".

Fourth, Limit a woman's "choices" to adoption or abortion. Get churches involved in separating families and call this activity "pro-life". Get people chattering mindlessly about "human dignity" while they separate moms and babies and make grandmothers regret that they did not stop it in time.

Fifth, Choose Life License Plates - with proceeds going ONLY toward "adoption services" - services which are designed to get more babies for people to use "as if" they were born to them.

Sixth, Baby Safe Havens - again offering a scared mom no "option" other than baby abandonment .

Seventh, get moms to believe they have already "choosen adoption" and encourage them to select prospective adopters long before they have a chance to think, before they have any way of knowing what they are choosing. Ensure moms will feel beholden to the seemingly friendly prospective adopters and not want to disappoint them by keeping their own sons and daughters.

Eighth, ...

Obviously I could go on with this thought process for a long time...adding things like denying parents the information they would need to make an informed choice, denying fathers rights, denying a child's right to her own family. Spreading rumors and generating myths that young mothers and single mothers are bad mothers. Playing a game of "divide and conquer" pitting mothers and fathers against each other and grandparents against their pregnant daughter or son.
"Which is better - open adoption or closed adoption?" is a question that deflects from the real questions: Considering the effects of adoption on natural families, why are parents' options being limited to only legalized baby abandonment? Offering a vulnerable naive parent only two options - open adoption or closed adoption - may get more babies for adopters, but separating families to get babies for adoption is a tragedy.

-- from Open Adoption in Open Adoption blog

Posted by al4/moms at 11:22 AM EDT
Updated: Sunday, 29 May 2005 11:38 AM EDT
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Thursday, 26 May 2005
Who's the Baby's Mom?

A woman is pregnant and she is due to give birth in two weeks.  Is she

1)  an expectant mother or mother-to-be

2)  a "birthmother"?

According to most adoption websites an expectant mother is a "birthmother" or "expectant birthmother".  This is a very sinister and coercive use of the word "birthmother" making it seem as if it is a foregone conclusion that a mother will surrender her parental rights. 

"Most birthmothers keep their babies," one person wrote to me.  What an odd thing to say.  I wonder some days whether when a baby is born some people actually say "Congratulations, birthmother!" 

A mother is a "mother" or a "mom" - the parent of her child.  She is not a "birth object" meant to be used as the source of a baby for adoption.  If anything, people should arrive at the hospital with baby gifts, a car seat and offers to help her when she takes her baby home, respecting her as a mother rather than assuming she will sign some papers.   

We have lots of advertisements on the web from people writing to "Dear Birthmother" or "Dear Birthparent"  looking for a baby.  How insulting it all is - a mother goes through nine months of pregnancy, goes through labor and delivery, holds her beloved baby in her arms and people arrive trying to get her to SIGN HIM AWAY?   Then woooosh! her baby is gone.  The adoption agency or adoption attorney gets paid, their real clients get a baby and the mom gets called a "birthmother" (aka "birth object", similar to a placenta). 

The mother may suffer horribly from the loss of her child, but it may be a matter of months or many years before she realizes how badly she's been used. 

A mother is a mother, not a "birthparent" or "birthmother".  It's important to use honest language, respecting the mother as the parent of her child.


"The child who is placed with adoptive [people] at or soon after birth misses the mutual and deeply satisfying mother and child relationship. The roots of which lie deep in the area of personality where the psychological and physiological are merged. Both for the child and the natural mother, that period is part of the biological sequence, and it is to be doubted whether the relationship of the child to it's post partum mother, in its subtler effects, can be replaced by even the best of substitute mothers."


Posted by al4/moms at 8:54 PM EDT
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Wednesday, 25 May 2005
Angels in Adoption
Are there "Angels" in Adoption?

Some people say that people who adopt are "angels". And they may be ordinary people or even fairly nice people. But there are some things people should be aware of before they call the people who adopt "angels". There are problems with this "system" of adoption, problems with making babies and small children available for people who are infertile or gay to use "as if" they were their own children.

Check out this website to learn more about the real Angels in Adoption.

Posted by al4/moms at 10:11 AM EDT
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Tuesday, 24 May 2005
Dear Birthmother adoption letters
Now Playing: war drums
"Dear Birthmother" adoption letters.

It's hard to know what to make of all the "Dear Birthmother" adoption letters soliciting to find healthy babies. Sometimes these letters are addressed to "Dear Birthparent" - but what is a "birthparent"? "Birthparent" is a dehumanizing term that makes moms and dads seem as if they are only baby-production equipment, meant to be used as the source of a baby for adoption. Sometimes there are even siblings - and they get called by the ugly "birth sibling" word.

Interestingly, few married women are ever referred to as the "birthmother" of their child. Yet single mothers and fathers are called "birth objects" even before they have been used for adoption.

"Dear Birthmother" adoption letters?
What a sick game adoption is. The adoption game wrecks lives and breaks hearts.

Open adoption? Where sick games are concerned, open adoption tops the list. Mothers promised a few pictures and letters in exchange for their child! These adoption agencies and lawyers - and individual adopters - should be ashamed!

Posted by al4/moms at 12:29 PM EDT
Updated: Tuesday, 24 May 2005 12:36 PM EDT
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Saturday, 21 May 2005
Open Adoption and Parental Alienation Syndrome
"Parental Alienation Syndrome" is just a fancy name for disrespecting a child's mother or father. When one parent is disrespecting the other, denying or limiting contact between parent and child, this is seen as CHILD ABUSE. The offending parent's parental rights may be terminated or custody given to the other parent.

"Open adoption"? Everyone knows "Yo momma!" is a terrible insult - but calling a child's mother "the birthmother" or "our birthmother" is insulting too.

The word " birthmother" itself is very misleading, making people think a mother can actually be nothing more than a "birth object".

"Open adoption"? On one message board a woman wrote that she made a baby ON PURPOSE for her friend to adopt - and she was in serious pain after losing her baby. But in spite of her suffering she may still not comprehend that it is because she IS the mother of her child.

Well, how are people supposed to know the truth? In adoption the mothers and fathers are called "birth objects" or "lifegivers" while the buyers of adoption "counseling" ("counseling" designed to get babies from some naive families) are referred to as "real parents". The brokers insist that fake "families" are just as good as real families, if not better.

"Parental Alienation Syndrome" is just a fancy name for disrespecting a child's mother or father.

The man-made institution of "adoption" is inherently disrespectful of a child's own family. You can't respect a mother and father and pretend they are not related to their child at the same time. When you dishonor the child's origins, you dishonor the child.

In Lowis Lowry's book "The Giver", roles are assigned. Lowry makes it plain that women assigned the role of baby-production equipment (" birthmothers") have the lowest status in society.

" Birthmothers" " DO have the lowest status in society - as low as child molesters for "giving up" their own children. Some naive " birthmothers" say they want to change the public's perception so people know that " birthmothers" are just ordinary moms who were pressured and had no alternatives. Yet without using the honest terms "mother" or "mom" to describe themselves, they get nowhere.

"Parental Alienation Syndrome" is just a fancy name for disrespecting a child's mother or father. To get babies for adopters, moms and dads are called "birth objects" well in advance, even while they retain their parental rights.

Euphamisms like "adoption" are used to make the transfer of babies from their own families to unrelated people palatable - or even make it seem desirable. But behind all the euphamisms, there is a lot of suffering as human beings are "artificially orphaned" to supply the baby market.

Adoptee Quote:

"For adoptive couples, adoption is wonderful. For the natural mothers and families of adoptees, adoptees themselves and their progeny, adoption is profoundly painful. ...

"No matter how much they want and can love a child, most adopters are blind to the child?s pain of separation. This does not make for good parents. Think, for a moment, how you would feel if you were expected to join in the "celebration" as everyone dances on your mother's grave." Julie A. Rist, adoptee - "Is the U.S. Promoting Pain?"

Posted by al4/moms at 12:08 PM EDT
Updated: Saturday, 21 May 2005 12:16 PM EDT
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Friday, 20 May 2005
Open Adoption

Open Adoption - what can you say? The adoption promoters are wild about open adoption. They're getting lots more babies they say, by luring in moms with open adoption.

I heard of one mom who committed suicide after being lured into open adoption.

They call moms "birthmothers", "birthmoms",
"birthparents", or "lifemothers", - hoping no one will notice their evil deeds. "What evil deeds?" you ask. The evil deeds are separating real family members in order to get more babies for adoption.

I heard of another mom who committed suicide after being lured into open adoption.

They are always at it, playing the "dear birthmother", game.

The truth is, a mother is not a "birthmother" birth object. And open adoption is no fun for a mother, siblings or other family members left behind. They have been used as the source of a baby for adoption.

Today I just heard of a third mom who committed suicide after being lured into open adoption.

Open Adoption - what can you say? The adoption promoters are wild about open adoption. They're getting lots more babies they say, by luring in moms with open adoption.

I'm sure moms whose babies were taken for adoption have always been comitting suicide.

They say "everybody benefits" from adoption. But just look at the known effects of separating moms and newborns: Adoption.

Posted by al4/moms at 9:37 PM EDT
Updated: Friday, 20 May 2005 10:55 PM EDT
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