"Damnit!"
The curse from within Dr. Daniel Jackson's office made Jack stop dead in his tracks. Daniel didn't curse, not normally. Jack knocked softly on the door. When there was no answer, he opened it a crack. Daniel sat at his desk, sucking on his index finger. "Daniel?"
"Not right now, Jack," Daniel's reply came, soft and mournful. This, of course, only prompted Jack to walk right in.
"Daniel, Daniel, Daniel," Jack crossed his arms and stared down at the younger archaeologist in wrinkled clothes. Daniel's eyes were slightly red-rimmed from lack of sleep. His desk was covered with notes, journals and more than a couple of artifacts. Somehow, however, Jack doubted that Daniel had done any actual work in the last few hours. Jack raised an eyebrow. "Take up finger sucking?"
"Wha-? No," Daniel took his finger out of his mouth, showing Jack a small cut. "Sharp pottery."
"I'll get you a Band-aid," Jack said.
"No, got one," Daniel opened his drawer and produced a pack.
"Daniel."
"Jack?"
"When d'ya sleep last?" Jack straddled a chair.
"I've got to finish these translations for SG5," Daniel said as he finished putting the Band-aid on.
"So...twenty four hours?"
"I'm fine."
"So fine that you're cursing over a paper cut." Jack said.
"Pottery." Daniel corrected.
"Yeah, whatever." Jack paused and switched tactics. "Daniel, what's wrong? You've been working too hard for days now. You've practically locked yourself in your office. And Carter tells me she thinks you're living off of coffee again."
"Really, Jack, it's nothing; I'm fine."
"Ah ha! But you admit, there is an ‘it’!" Jack pointed his finger in a very Jacksonian way. Daniel smiled weakly as he recognized his own gesture. "For crying out loud, Daniel, we both know I'm going to pry it out of you one way or another. Just think, I'll stay here until you 'fess up. I'll talk to you endlessly about fishing and hockey; I'll call all your artifacts rocks; I'll drink all your coffee. You won't get any work done. I might even bring my video games in here, turn the volume up high and force you to play with me."
This elicted a small smile from Daniel. "No. Please. Anything but that."
"Daniel," Jack said turning serious again, "I know this has been a rough year for you. I know that you're hurting. I want you to know that I'm here for you."
"Oh," Daniel looked at Jack with a little surprise, then down at his paperwork. "Well, I'm fine. I just have a lot of work to do so if you don't mind..." Daniel gestured towards the door.
"Damnit, Daniel, you know this stuff is hard for me." Jack realized he was shouting and lowered his voice. "I know what it's like to lose people. I know it was hard on you, losing Sha're that is. And now with Nick..."
Daniel looked down suddenly. "I never got much of a chance to know him." The admittance was so quiet, Jack had to strain to hear it.
"It must have been hard." Jack nodded.
Daniel looked up with mild surprise. He had expected some kind of cocky response, not empathy. Jack shrugged.
"I never really had a family, you know, after my parents," Daniel continued, while looking at his hands as if they were some mysterious archaeological discovery, "I don't understand why this should bug the hell out of me. I mean, Nick was never what you'd call family. He was never there. It's just...for a minute there, it seemed like we were connecting, Jack. For once in my life, it felt like I was a part of something. And now..." Daniel balled his hands and rammed them into his legs.
"Daniel. I don't know how someone so intelligent can be so stupid."
"Stupid?"
"Yes, stupid!"
"You know, Jack, you can be such an ass. Here I am," Daniel gestured wildly, "You wanted me to talk, fine, I'm talking. And as soon as I open up to you, you've got to shoot me down."
"Would you just shut up and listen!" Jack shouted back.
Daniel's jaw dropped and Jack spoke up before the irritated archaeologist could find his voice. "Daniel, you have us! Me! Sam! Teal'c! The team, Daniel, the team. We look out for each other-How dare you ever forget that! We are family, Daniel; we care about each other. What do you think I'm doing here right now in your office! God! Do you have any idea how it hurt to say those things back when I was undercover? You know, about our friendship having no foundation? Do you know what it was like to see that kind of pain in your eyes and know that I caused it? I love you and I hurt you."
Daniel would have taken it as a confession of brotherly love, but Jack's face spoke of shock, fear and horror. Daniel's jaw dropped slightly, but before he could find the language to express himself, Jack suddenly got up and left. Daniel sat still for a moment, then jumped up and went running after Jack.
"Jack! Jack!" Daniel caught up in the hallway. "I think, I mean, I just wanted to say..."
The two stood awkwardly for a moment. "Forget it, Daniel."
"Ah, no," Daniel pointed to the office. "Come back."
"Rather not," Jack replied.
"I think you do," Daniel said. "Unless you'd rather have this conversation in the hall."
"Okay," Jack took a few quick steps back into Daniel's office. Daniel closed the door behind them.
"Really, just forget it," Jack said, standing by Daniel's desk and nervously picking up various objects.
"What if I don't want to forget it?"
"Wouldn't you want to forget it?"
"Maybe not."
"Oh."
"Yeah." Daniel sat down, then looked up at the still standing colonel.
"So."
"This is silly," Daniel said. "We're grown men. We can discuss this."
"Sure," Jack said. "You start."
"Why me?"
"You said we can discuss it."
"So?"
"So," Jack waved his hand vaguely, "discuss."
Daniel rolled his eyes, "What do you mean when you said that, that you love me?"
"It means what it means, Daniel. You're the linguist here, you know what it means," Jack said, looking for something, anything, for his hands to fiddle with.
"Okay, you said you loved me," Daniel said. "Do you, I mean, you love me?"
Jack tossed the small statue that he’d found on Daniel's desk back and forth. For once, Daniel didn't comment about it. "You know what I mean."
"I want to hear it. I want you to say it. How do you love me, Jack?"
"Daniel," Jack began to growl, but looked up into Daniel's eyes and stopped short. Daniel's eyes spoke a language all their own, a wonderful rich language. Jack listened. He said Daniel's name again, forming each sound of the word with care and reverance. Creating his own language all within the sound of a name. It was all the answer that Daniel needed.
"How long, ah, how long have you had these feelings?" Daniel asked.
"Dunno." Jack turned the small statue around in his hands. Daniel grabbed it away from Jack and placed it back on the desk.
"What do you mean you don't know. I mean, you've got to have realized at some point that you were attracted to me." Daniel said. "I certainly remember when I realized that my feelings for you went beyond friendship."
"Oh? When?"
"Netu." Daniel said. "Remember when they gave us all the Blood of Sokar?"
"Yeah."
"Well, when I was hallucinating, I saw you," Daniel shrugged and wrapped his arms around himself. "I realized then how important you were to me. How I'd come to see you."
"Yeah?" Jack knelt down by Daniel.
"Yeah." Daniel said softly and smiled. "So, when did you first realize you loved me?”
"When we thought we lost you on Nem's world." Jack said and hesitantly placed his hand on Daniel's knee. "I thought you were gone and I felt... Daniel, I was never good with words."
"No, you're alright."
"No, Daniel," Jack moved his face close to Daniel's and stared him in the eye for a moment. Then he moved in closer and let his lips touch Daniel's.
"Better than talking?" Jack asked.
"Ah, yeah, better," Daniel said. "So we're a couple?"
"Naw, I just like to go around kissing archaeologists," Jack said.
Daniel snorted, and brought his hand to Jack's cheek. He hesitantly dusted the very tips of his fingers across Jack's skin. The lightest of touches. "So, now what?"
"Now we get you in bed," Jack chuckled at Daniel's wide-eyed response. "No, not like that. God knows when you slept last and we have a meeting early tomorrow morning. You need to sleep."
Daniel stifled a yawn. "Yeah, you're right."
"Come on. I'll drop you off," Jack said and led Daniel out of the room, turning the light off behind them.