Hi Iím Alecia and you just happened upon my little space so Iíll waste your time with a bit about me.
I was born in West Monroe Louisiana august 29, 1971, a Sunday at 3:15 pm which is a good thing because at 5 everybody goes home(jk) the moment was blessed but quickly faded as all moments do for there were problems, problems that would take a few years to correct. First was an Rh factor that took many treatments to cure meanwhile the discovery that I had almost no immunity system hampered things, those treatments took place as well. But also as with most newborns fingers and toes were counted, mine didnít add up as they shouldíve; my 2nd, 3rd, and 4th toes on each foot were webbed and to further horror the middle and ring fingers on my left hand were fused by the bone and pinky fused by the skin. This would require surgical separation for my fingers but not for my toes. The Shriners helped bring in a specialist for that procedure. The bad luck wasn't done with me then. It seems that I was somehow exposed to and contracted hystoplasmosis,
This is a bacteria disease mainly contracted by bird keepers and archeologists that explore ancient tombs, such as those found in Egypt. This disease is a hideous thing it affects only the respiratory system starting inside the air sacs in the lungs. In short, it takes up space as a solid. It then spreads filling up all those air sacs then moves to the other lung then up the trachea, or it would but by taking up space incoming air has nowhere to go and the person suffocates, much like being in quicksand. Through aggressive chemical therapy it was arrested, no cure back then and Iíve no idea if there is now. Such a thing doesnít go away that I know of and no longer care. Ignorance is bliss in my case. I spent much time in hospitals as a child which makes one avoid them at all costs later on in life, the upside is Iíve never had a drug problem, needles frighten me and due to medicinal allergies am afraid of having reactions to many things. Fools take their drugs with impunity, I however know what its like to not want and have to suffer under an induced haze, but also I know what its like to scream from pain and be told that thereís nothing to be given for one reason or another. To cry and beg that Iíd be good and still the nurses came with their needles and bandages and everything else I was poked, prodded and probed with is agony on a 2 and 3 year child who only wanted to go home are not wonderful memories. They give rise to mistrust and hatred of doctors and nurses.
Yet here I am, years later, in need of the doctors and nurses for the one birth defect they missed. The one that made me live in misery as a male. It is the price I pay and the toll is high. Only with this there isnít much sympathy, rather a lot of misunderstanding from the community in general and disgust, even denial of those closest to me, my family. To the exclusion of my nephew, my sister and a couple of cousins, theyíve turned their back on me. With the help of the few friends I have and a couple of acquaintances I am surviving, but thatís not enough. I want to live, as I should live, in body more appropriate for me. The journey to this new me is going to be long and full of hardship and also heartache but itís the only way. Many like me gave in to desperation and have taken their own lives some only attempted, then somehow got the help they so desperately needed. Iím not that way. Suicide simply means for me that a person stopped thinking or more importantly stopped focusing. I, however, am not that way. I will think. I will focus. A way is there all I have to do is find it. Most people view things as destinations. Things like living full time, HRT, even SRS; t hey are of course wrong, these are not destinations, more like interchanges on a highway, a route to get to your destination which is the same for everybody; the end of their life. When reaching the end of your life you look back down the highway and see which lane you spend the most time in; the happy one or the unhappy one. As people are different, so are the routes. No two people go exactly the same way. Some make a lot of wrong turns and get lost for a while. Some find their way rather quickly, some just take the scenic route. Iíve made this little space to share with you the highlights of my journey in hopes that I may ease the way for someone like me to follow. Iím not the first to take this route..and certainly I wonít be the last but at least there are others whoíve gone before me and are waiting, cheering me on until I can take my place at their sides to take up the cheer for another to find her way and join us.
I'll give a quick update: I'm still in Louisiana. It's a headache like you wouldn't believe to be here. Everything is on hold right now..am working and that's not easy. I'll hang in, I have much to do and as always, very little time to do it in and it all cost money. Dreams can and do come true..I'll still try to steal a couple for me when nobody's looking. will update again when I have something good to tell