Oath of Office

or

If Shrub can do it...

A few desultory snowflakes descended from the low, gray sky, and a chill breeze blew over the crowd gathered on the Mall. President-elect Kevin Thompson grinned like a possum as he stepped up to the podium. In the background, vice-president-elect Millhouse van Houten waved at the camera and shouted, "Hi, Mom!!!"

The Chief Justice of the Supreme Court approached with a Bible in her hand.

Kevin greeted her. "Yo, Daria! Check it out, I'm the Prez! Hey, cool outfit, didn't know you'd gone Goth."

Daria closed her eyes and prayed to a God she barely believed in to give her strength.

"Please raise your right hand."

She paused for a minute.

"Your throwing hand, Mr. Pres... Mr. Presi... sir."

"Oh! Soooory!"

"Please place your hand on the Bible and repeat after me, 'I, Kevin Lombardi Thompson...'"

"I, Kevin Lombardi Thompson..."

"'...do solemnly swear...'"

"...do solemnly swear..." He sees a familiar face in the audience.

"Hey, Mack Daddy!"

"Pay attention, Mr. President!"

"...pay attention, Mr. President..."

Daria gritted her teeth. "'...that I will faithfully execute...'"

"Uhhh, who do I have to kill?"

"Just repeat it!"

"... that, uhhh..."

"'...I will faithfully...'"

"...that I will fatefully..."

"'...execute the office...'"

"How do you execute an..."

"JUST REPEAT IT!!!"

"Soooory! ...execute the office..."

"'...of President of the United States...'"

"...of President of the United States... Hey, I'm the prez!"

"We know that already, just repeat!!! '...and will to the best of my ability...'"

"...and will to the best of... uhhhh..."

"'...my ability...'"

"...my ability... Hey, you know, this is kinda long..."

"'...preserve, protect, and defend...'"

"...preserve..."

"'...protect...'"

"...protect...'"

"'...and defend...'"

"Defend?!? Hey, I'm the QB, babe, I'm on the offense!"

"'...AND DEFEND!'"

"Oh, alright... and defend..."

"'...the Constitution...'"

"...the Con... Consti... Constituation?"

"'...the Con...'"

"...the Con..."

"'...sti...'"

"...sti..."

"'...tu...'"

"...tu..."

"'...tion...'"

"...shun..."

"'...of the United States.'"

"...of the United States! Whooooohoooo! USA! USA! USA!"

Kevin grabed the Bible out of Daria's hand and spiked it, breaking into an endzone dance. Daria shook her head and sighed. If Congress couldn't come up with an impeachable offense, it was going to be a long four years.

She then looked at the grinning Millhouse and groaned.



From the Iron Chef Challenge by m'man, "Hail to the Chief, la-la-la-la-la-."

Daria and other characters from the show are of course, property of MTV and Viacom. Any original characters and settings are my own. This is a work of fanfic, and is therefore a work of love and not meant for profit. And all hail Glenn Eichler and Suzy Lewis!