I woke up this morning feeling a bit Minnesota, so I called my best friends, Bill and Ted to come over and cheer me up.  We always had the most excellent adventures together.  I knew this was just what I needed.  I couldn't wait till
they got here, so I turned on my favorite TV show to pass the time.  Wouldn't you know it, it was "to be continued" so I'd have to tune in tomorrow!  I hated when that happened!  Oh well, as soon as my buddies arrived I would be feeling
like going for a walk in the clouds, they always made me feel better!

    But still, l I had to wonder why was I so depressed?  It started just the night before.  Up until then everything was fine and I was happy, healthy, and young blood flowed through my veins...and now this!  I was freaked!  Maybe it was
because the last time I committed suicide, I was on speed, or maybe it was the night heat, or maybe, just maybe, it was because I was from Texas and even cowgirls get the blues!

    What was taking those dudes so long?  Suddenly, a knock at the door!  "Bill! Ted!  Thank you for coming...I love you guys to death!  And I missed you too!"
 

    "What do you want to do today?" asked Ted.

    "Gee, I hadn't thought about that."  I said.

    "Well, we could just go down to the river's edge and hang out," suggested Bill.

    "Hmmm, I don't know," said I.  "But I am not ready anyway.  I'll think about it as I wash my hair, OK?  BTW, do either of you guys happen to have any shampoo on you?  I seem to have run out."

    "Whoa!  Lucky for you I just stopped Little Buddha's Quickie Mart and picked up some," said Ted.  "Is this Matrix all-in-one-shampoo-and conditioner stuff OK with you?"

    "Thanks Ted.  I'll only be a minute.  Make yourselves at home.  By the way are your wives joining us later?"

    "No.  Mine's stuck at home with the kids, parenthood, ya know?" Said Bill.

    Ted said, "My wife went home to visit her mother."

    "Oh, home to Beirut?" I asked.

    "No, Idaho.  That's where she's from...her own private Idaho."

    I was ready in a flash and still had no idea what the day had in store for us. "I know, lets play Tic Tac Toe," said Ted.  "Do you have a pencil?  I have one but the point breaks whenever I use it."

    "No.  No Tic Tac Toe!" I said.  "What else shall we do?  Want to listen to some music?"  I asked as I turned on the permanent record that was always on my stereo.  It was Dogstar and I never took it off the turntable.

    Just then, Ted sneezed!   "Whoa Ted, I hope you aren't coming down with a case of mnemonic!  It's going around, you know, even Johnny has it."

    "Whoa, Johnny's mnemonic?"  Ted said shocked.   "That oughta teach me to go out on those dangerous liaisons with Johnny and his prodigal friends!"

    "Yep, they ALL have it...it's some sort of chain reaction!"  Bill explained.

    I thought aloud, "Perhaps me and Will...oops, I mean me and BILL, should just go to the movies together since you are not feeling well, Ted."

    "What would  we go see?"  Asked a befuddled Bill.

    "We could go see Bram Stoker's Dracula.  I hear it's really good and you get to see Keanu Reeves nipples in it!"

    "Whoa!  I LOVE Winona Rider...I wanna go too!" Exclaimed Ted.  "I have to dream to believe that I will be better soon.  After all, I have to rush rush off to Pennsylvania to visit my cousin...he's a prince you know?  So you see, I can't be sick because I have to go on a trip.  I am going to go the movies with you!"

    Bill got quite a serious look on his face. "Ted, my friend, let me just play devil's advocate here for a moment if I may.  You need to stay home and rest for your trip.  I have been flying, taken a speeding bus and even DRIVEN to Pennsylvania and I know it is a long trip.  So you will need to stay well so you can make this bogus journey and give your cousin the gift you got him for his birthday come sweet November.  You don't want miss that, do you?"

    Ted thought a moment.  "I guess not.  I guess you are right Bill.  But I can't help but think that you just wanna be alone with our female friend, Providence, so you can just get some action, and you want me out of the picture!"

    "OK!  Yes, I do, you're right Ted...what of it?!  She makes me feel young again, is that a sin?"

    "But I love her too, Bill!  You will have to fight me for her!"

    "Ha! You are not capable of an act of vengeance, Ted, you medieval dickweed!"

    Ted whipped out some guns, lots of guns actually, from his pockets.

    "Ha!  Ted, you think you are a good shooter, but you are a fool!  I am under the influence of Providence's love and I will not give her up to you or ANYONE!.  I am one step away from letting go and letting you have it, Ted...don't think I won't!"

    Ted exclaimed, "I will not give her up either...not even for all the Coca Cola, Suntory or Kellogg's Cornflakes in the world!"

    "I am not impressed by your fast food, Ted!"

    "Guys, guys stop!  I am not worth all this fighting!  There are other babes in toyland for you both!  Why me?  Why all this ado about nothing?  Please stop this insanity!  I don't want your friendship to end because of me.  You are
like brothers!  Please, do that brotherhood justice and stop fighting over me! Besides, you are both married!"

    "Whoa, good point, dudette!" Bill said, as Ted nodded in agreement. "If you both don't get over me I will have to schedule a moving day and go live my life underwater...you wouldn't want THAT , would you now?"

    "Why no, we are ALL best friends," Ted said.  "Is friendship worth losing over a woman?

    "Whoa Ted, that's soooo deep, dude!  I hadn't thought of that!  You are indeed our little visionary!  Said Bill.

    Providence was relieved that these 2 lost souls had made their peace.  She said,  "Let's all watch a movie here!   Put your feet up on this lovely new ottoman I just purchased from the Empire Shop while I go make a ham omelet for
us!"

    "A hamlet!", Ted squealed with delight.  I love those!"

    "No, I want a pizza with quattro formaggi." Bill said, jokingly.

    "Double cheese, anchovies?" laughed Ted.  And they all had a happy ending.