My Journey Continues....

A Veil of Love... well when naming this, I truly had the meaning of the veil of love as my heritage name, but also as a veil that God has surrounded and engulfed me in to love, protect, strengthen and guide also... He in His grace and love has carried me when I could not walk and led me when I could not choose...Once again, I have been brought back to his table to kneel at His feet and ask "Lord, where do I go?"
In December of 1997, I was diagnosed with cancer ~ a terminal cancer called Merkel Cell... very rare (only 1% of the world population has it) and very sneaky. They did surgery then, and removed the small tumor and reports looked good. However, it has now resurfaced once again and was found in 75% of my lymph nodes in my right arm. They have performed another "healing" through surgery removal, but it (the cancer) being deadly and unknown, the doctors have told me of the need of chemotherapy to reduce the risk of it returning once again. These are new roads for me ~ ones I'm not sure I want to know ~ but will journey all the same...
I have often asked why and how this all seems to benefit me or anyone, but I have journeyed enough roads to understand that the Lord has a reason for everything. I mentioned earlier that my goals for the future were to try and stay healthy and be a positive influence and they remain the same... however I ask too that God give me more faith in that I find my spirit weak, and to restore to me the joy and spirit that I know. Only with him will I endure and tackle this awful disease...Questions, hurt, confusion, and emotions ride high in all situations of trials... but I know that God can and will sustain me and selfishly I ask that you as an individual of your own faith, greet your own higher power and breathe a prayer for me...I will not survive, I will not endure without his strength and love to guide me. He has surrounded me from the start with the "veil of His love" and with that I will rise above this too and he will be glorified in it...

Well, it has been several months since I undertook the task of going through chemotherapy. To bring you up to date, it (the chemo) was not an option that had beneficial gains, I came very close to losing my life. But as a patient of such a rare cancer and being a heart transplant recipient, we had to journey that road in hopes of some healing of the cancer. The chemo took place in October and I was hospitalized for 45 days. I know and can sympathize and empathize with Noah being "cooped" up for 40 days and nights and Jesus as he traveled the wilderness and did soul searching for answers and guidance. The parallel of searching, needing issues dealt with, I found as a strength and courage to reconfirm my God has his hand on me and working still. In the recovery that has been continuous since, I have been taking radiation treatments, and while the cancer has spread again, the radiation has helped to minimize the pain and somewhat keep the tumors down in size. The radiaiton makes me weak and tired and I still wonder if I'll ever have "normal " days again??? but, I am trying to keep in mind that God is at work in all things, doing good to them that love him and are called according to his purpose. Therefore, my request of you is that you keep me close in your prayers and know that I am deeply grateful for every breath on my behalf. I will keep you upated and let you know how things are and the workings in my life, as I am able. Again thank you for caring and being a special part of my long distance life. *SMILE* A few words of wisdom that touch my heart....

I HOPE... my achievements in life shall be these~~
that I will have fought for what was right and fair,
that I will have risked for that which mattered,
that I will have given help to those who were in need...
and that I will have left the earth a better place
for what I've done and who I've been.
C. HOPPE

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