Disclaimer - I don't own Angel or the Buffy Characters.
Fall Sept 29th
A WB executive walks out, he smiles at us nervously
WB Due to recent events, and when I say recent I mean months ago, involving School Violence. We at the WB are lightly, and
when I say lightly I mean completely, toning down the level of Violence in our programming, and when I say programming I mean
the Cr*P that no one watches. That's why Fox is kicking our ass in ratings.
Anyway, We feel it is our responsibility and in the end it will benefit our viewers, who we have utmost respect for.
(Laughs Nervously)
Now the WB proudly presents the "Angel, The Nicer, More Charitable, Living Impaired Individual"
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Title On Screen
"Angel, The Nicer, more Charitable, Living Impaired Individual"
A Fan Fic Written By Mike
Episode 1 Welcome to my Neighborhood
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We see Angel's LA apartment.
The door opens, in come Angel.
A smile on his face.
Angel Hello, Boys and Girls, My name is Angel.
Welcome to my Neighborhood.
Angel looks around then hangs his jacket neatly on the Coat rack.
Angel Buffy will be stopping my later,
But now, I would like to introduce you to
The Less Bitchier, More Charitable, still as
annoying, Cordillia Chase.
Cordy walks out, she has her nose in a book.
Cordy Hi Angel,
I didn't notice you come in,
I was too busy going over THE BIBLE.
How are you today?
Angel I am Fine and Dandy like Cotton Candy. how
are you Cordy?
Cordy Sweet and Tangy like Sugar Tarts
Angel I'm proud of you
Cordy- (Turns to Camera)
Oh Hello, welcome to the Show
Angel Before we begin, I'd like to read this Public Service Announcement
Cordy Yayyy!!!
Angel (Reading PSA) Eat your fruit's and Vegetable every day, be kind to your elders, floss, stay in School and never ever
Conceal weapons in your graduation clothes and kill the Town Mayor, that is Un cool.
Cordy And No one wants to be Un cool
Angel Be cool Like me, Say no to School Violence
Cordy So should we make our first patrol of the night?
Angel- In time, but first lets have a friendly conversation, communication is what makes Friends, Friends, and not Psychotics.
Cordy- Well, I don't know if I've told you, but I've becomes a nun.
Angel I don't believe you have told me, thank you for sharing, you're a very special person to me.
Cordy- Your very special to me too, Angel.
But not in a sexual way, of course.
Angel Perish the thought
Cordy- As a nun I have taken a Vow of Celibacy, I cannot have sex EVER
Angel Neither can I
Cordy Sex is Evil, We don't need it
As long as we have Friendship and The Public Broadcasting Channel
Angel (Jumping up and down) TeleTubbies!!
Cordy ..We don't need it
Angel No one does, lets all as a society stop having sex and make better use of our time.
Like, we could all build homes for the Homeless
Cordy (Excited) Really we could?
Angel Of course we could, we can get all sweaty and hot and work long hour without pay to help Homeless people who we don't
even know
Cordy Then if they had homes they would not be Homeless.
I can't wait!!! Let go!!
Cordy grabs Angel hand and they run outside.
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Angel and Cordy are walking along the Peaceful La Streets.
In the distance is Spike, he is ruthless attacking a woman, and when I say ruthlessly attacking I mean verbally.
Spike- (Crying) You're a Very mean not nice bad woman.
Woman Well you're not a good humanitarian
Angel comes up separating the two
Angel- Lets not fight, this is La.
A peaceful city.
Cordy Since When?
Angel- Since this is fiction
Spike stops looks at them, begins to tear up
Spike Oh I see the error of my ways.
Violence is not the answer to my problems.
Smoking IS
Spike takes out a cigar and lights it
Angel Spike, don't you know Smoking is bad for you
Spike- (Gasp) it is?
Angel- Read the Surgeon General's Warning
Spike - (Reading) Smoking may cause..
Huh, Gasp, I had no idea.
He throws his cigarette on the ground, stomps on in.
Cordy (Clears Throat)
Spike- (Laughs Embarrassed) Oh of course
He picks the Cigarette Butt of the ground and neatly deposits it into the trash receptacle.
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Angel, Cordy, and Spike painting a home for the homeless.
Buffy approaches them
Buffy - Hey Guys
Angel Cordy and Spike Hi Buffy
Buffy What's Spike doing here?
Angel He's become a good guy, trying to get his priest license
Spike Bless you Child
A young woman comes running up to the gang.
Woman Angel, you must help me.
Angel Something Evil?
Woman No that boy over there is lonely
Angel (Gasp)
Angel walks over to a young boy about 18 who's sitting on a park bench, he looks sad.
Angel What's wrong Tiger
Mike Don't me call Tiger your prick, my names Mike
Angel- What's bugging you Tiger?
Mike- Arghh the WB network, it make me mad
Angel But the WB network is a nice network.
Mike- They've brainwashed you, MORON
Angel No No, that was standard procedure for WB
stars (Angel Stares Blankly for a moment)
So what's bugging you Tiger?
Mike That's it. I'm going to watch FOX from now on
Mike runs off
Angel No please no (Angel Starts to Tear up) That network is evil, it exploits sex, and has violence.
Cordy Oh Angel, we can't save them ALL
Angel (Sigh) Cordy I suppose your right, but I'll never be a hero
Cordy Angel you ARE a hero
Buffy Yes, Angel. You're a good guy.
Look we've finished the House for the Homeless.
They all look to there lousy house, it collapses.
Cordy Oh well, we'll donate blood or something.
Angel I'm a loser, I'm so depressed
Mike hears Angel wimpy cried and returns.
Mike- Err Um, I see the error of my ways.
You've saved me.
Angel I have?
Mike Ya sure whatever, I think I'll go watch Lifetime.
Angel leaps up and hugs Mike, tightly.
Mike- Get the **** off me, you ***
Angel What did you say?
Mike Nothing
Mike quickly leaves
Buffy- See Angel you're a hero
Angel (Laughs) No I'm not,
I did what any kinder gentler, living impaired individual would do,
The real heroes the ones we don't know about.
The Doctors, the Missionaries, the Dentist.
They make the world the wonderfully fluffy place it is today.
Now, We must all hold hands and love each other.
Angel - (Sighs To Buffy) Did they ruin your show too?
Buffy (Sigh) They did
Angel Well that's all the time we have for Today show.
Join me Tomorrow when, We'll have our special guest Rosie O'Donnell.
We'll be discussing exciting new ways to shiels today's youth from Reality.
WB Frog This is the dubba dubba dubba dubba Dubba Uwe Be. Why won't they let me die already?
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Angel Next time on my show..
Angel and Rosie are sitting across from each other.
Angel Now Rosie I am very interested on your views on Gun Control
Rosie Oh Angel, your such a cutie Patootey
Angel Please Rosie, this is an un welcome sexual advance, it is inappropriate Sexual Harassment.
Rosie- All I said was you're a cutie Patootey
Angel (Tears Up) I feel Violated
Two Security Guards drag Rosie O'Donnell Way
The End
