Cartman gets an anal probe:
1. "Cartman, are those the same visitors that you saw? Shut up you guys, it's not working. We have to do something...We can't do anything for now because that fat bitch won't let us...What are we gonna do my brother's been abducted by aliens....You farted."
2. "Mr. Garrison seriously I have to go now. I don't know Kyle did you ask Mr. hat...I don't want to ask Mr. hat, I'm asking you. Well I think you should ask Mr. Hat. Mr. Hat may I please be excused from class? Well Kyle NO, YOU HEAR ME! YOU GO TO HELL, YOU GO TO HELL AND YOU DIE!"
3. "Did they give you an anal probe? What's an anal probe? It's when they stick this big metal hoopajoo up your butt. They gave you an anal probe Cartman? No, why would they do that? They did didn't they, aliens stuck stuff up your ass!"
4. "Stan wants to kiss Wendy Testaburger! Shut up fatass I don't even like her! I'm not fat and you obviously like her because you throw up everytime she talks to you...Maybe you can kiss her, or slip her the tongue, (Kenny mumbles)...What, how do you know she has a cat?"
Sparky the Gay Dog:
1. "Man tha's the gayest dog I've ever seen. He just needs some training that's all. Sit Sparky...Good boy...Now shake...Good boy...Now don't be gay...Don't be gay Spark, don't be gay."
2. "Stan's dog's a homo, Stan's dog's a homo!"
3. "Speaking of pounding ass, here comes Stan's little homo dog!"
4. Gay song done like It's a Small World Afterall
5. "I haven't seen an Englishman take a blow like that since Hugh Grant!"
6. "Oh my God!! They killed Kenny! You Bastards!!"
Volcano:
1. "Now you see that Stan, that's a dirty little bastard. Hey I'm a dirty little bastard too."
2. "This is supposed to be my camping trip, why do they like Kenny so much? Well Stan do you wanna know what I think...fart."
3. "That there is a Rocky Mountain Black Bear, one of the few remaining of its kind...Isn't it beautiful? My God it's coming right for us!"
4. "I am Scuzzlebutt, lord of the mountain! Behold my Patrick Duffy leg!"
5. Chef singing song about hot lava
6. "My Uncle Jimbo said that after this he's going to take me hunting in Africa. My mom says there's a lot of black people in Africa."
Death:
1. "I'm not going to kill you Granpa. Ingrate...You pompous son of a whore!"
2. "Hey Terrence, I think I have to fart. Well before you do pull my thumb."
3. "Ohhhh Terrence. Yes Phillip. What color is the wind? I don't know why don't you check...Hey Phillip do you know what my space suit smells like? A dirty fart!"
4. "Hey Phillip guess what. What? Faaaart!"
5. "Yes Kenny, what is it? Kenny mumbles...I thought you just came from the bathroom...Mumbles frantically"...Mr. Garrison talks about Terrence and Phillip while Kenny has explosive diarrhea.
6. "Hey Stan now that Terrence and Phillip was taken off the air, what are we gonna do for entertainment? We could start breathing gas fumes...My uncle says that smoking crack is kinda cool...Hey why don't we go watch some of those porno movie thingies!"
An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig:
1. "I have created things that will make the world better. For instance here is a monkey with four asses. How does that make the world better? And yes of course, here is a four ass mongoose...Do you have anything besides animals with four asses?"
2. Mr. Hat saying, "That's right Mr. Garrison. Genetic engineering is our way of correcting God's horrible horrible mistakes like German people."
3. "Yeah, if some girl tried to kick my ass I'd be like HEY why don't you stop dressing me up like a mailman and making me dance for you while you go and smoke crack in your bedroom and have sex with some guy I don't even know on my dad's bed!"
4. Quit being such a baby. BABY!! At least I don't get my ass kicked by a girl! At least I'm not a little pig f***er. This whole idea is stupid anyway. What the hell would you know you fat, sweaty Mongoloid, you never get higher than a D. Why don't you go back to San Francisco with the rest of the Jews! There's no Jews in San Francisco you retard!"
5. "Ya, the way is paved with gold for ye who seeks truth..."
Pink Eye:
1. "And the President responded to the incident by saying, 'screw those commie bastards and their little woosie space station."
2. "You forgot to wear a costume Kenny. Yeah what's the matter couldn't your family afford a costume for you? Why is your family so poor Kenny? Kenny's family is so poor that yesterday they had to put their cardboard box up for a second mortgage." Cartman starts flipping out about Kenny's family.