Chapter 8: What
is the most difficult type of patience?
The
degree of difficulty in abstaining from some things depends on the strength of
one’s motive and one’s ability to do the action in question. Whoever has no
motive to kill, or steal, or drink alcohol, or whatever, and at the same time in
not able to do it, will find it very easy to exercise patience in abstaining
from those things. Whoever has a strong motive to commit a wrong action and has
the means to do so, will face great difficulty in exercising enough patience to
abstain. There it is very difficult for a ruler to refrain from committing
injustice and oppression (dhulm), and it is difficult for a young man to
refrain from fornication, and it is difficult for a rich man to refrain from
pursuing physical desires and pleasures.
The
Prophet (SAAS) is reported to have said: “Allâh will commend a young man
who never behaved in an ignorant way” (Ahmad). In another hadîth,
he referred to those who will be shaded in the shade of Allâh’s throne for
their perfect patience – such as the patience of an absolute ruler in being
just in all situations, regardless of his own feelings, and the patience of a
young man in worshipping and obeying Allâh and suppressing his own whims and
desires, and the patience of the man who gives sadaqah in keeping his sadaqah
secret, and the patience of a man who resists the temptation of a woman of
beauty and high status, and the patience of two men who meet for the sake of Allâh
and part for the sake of Allâh, in keeping their relationship for the sake of
Allâh, and the patience of one who weeps out of fear of Allâh, in keeping that
secret and not telling others about it. All of these are among the most
difficult types of patience. Therefore the punishment of an old man who commits
adultery, a king who tells lies and a poor man who is arrogant is more severe,
because it is easy for them to keep away from such wrong actions, and does not
require much in the way of patience. Their attitude indicates that they are
willfully rebelling against Allâh.
Patience in abstaining from wrong actions of
speech and sexual wrong actions
Amongst
the most difficult types of patience is patience in refraining from committing
wrong actions of speech and sexual wrong actions. Wrong actions of speech –
such as backbiting and slander, telling lies to create trouble between people,
and praising oneself explicitly or implicitly, and insulting people one does not
like and praising those whom one does like – are all entertaining and
enjoyable. There is a strong motive to commit these wrong actions, and it is so
easy to move one’s tongue and speak, so the patience required to abstain from
them is particularly difficult. Therefore the Prophet (SAAS) told Mu‘âdh, “Control
your tongue.” Mu‘âdh asked, “Are we accountable for what we say?”
The Prophet (SAAS) answered, “Is there anything other than the wrong
actions of speech that cause people to be thrown in Hell on their faces?”
Once
the wrong actions of speech have become a habit, patience becomes even more
difficult. So you might see a man who stays up all night praying, fasts all day,
and would refrain from touching a pillow if it were made of silk, yet he gives
his tongue free rein in backbiting, slandering and causing trouble between
people.
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