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The darkness has fallen

And again I'm here all alone
Nothing can help me now
Not even the love you have shown
I need companionship
And someone who really cares
I need a realtionship where it's not give and taking
But where we share
Where the love is obvious from the eye of the beholder
And you can see in our eyes
How we feel by their magnificent color

I've realized now that you are what I need

And as you know I'm not the one to follow
But the one to lead
But now I will follow you
And be as kind as can be
I know I can't live without you
And I need you to love me
So please all I ask is that you love me true
And from eternity on....
You will know that I love you
*****Lindzey Rae

MY BRAIN

Why am I killing myself?
Why do I choose to act this way?
I had it so good before
Why did I choose to throw it all away?
I have hit rock bottom
Did fate bring me here?
need more
There is nothing I can do
Need More
I don't want to be dependent anymore
NEED MORE
Am I going to change?
Can I change?
NO
NEED MORE
I can't control it
It's just too strong
Drugs Suck
*****Kyle M. Fox

*PLEASE HEAR WHAT I AM NOT SAYING*

Don't be fooled by me
Don't be fooled by this mask that I wear
For I wear a thousand masks and none of them are really me
Masks that I'm too afraid to take off
Fearing that you'll get to know me
Pretending is an art that is second nature to me
I'm pretending that I am in command and that I need no one
That I'm cool and that my surface is so smooth
And that I cannot be shaken by anything
I act as if I am in control, but please don't for one moment...
Be fooled bye my surface, that's only a mask
Beneath this mask lies no smugness, no complacence
Beneath this mask dwells the real me in confusion, lonliness,
And fear
But I dont' dare tell you that
I don't dare tell you that this is my mask
I'm frightened by all the possibilities of my weaknesses being
exposed
I think about it all the time. Will I look like a fool?
That's why I work frantically to create this mask to hide behind
In my relationships with people
This nonchalant, sophisticated facade helps me pretend and shields me
From the glance that knows me
But such a glance is precisely my only salvation
It's my only salvation if, however, the glance is followed by
Acceptance and Love
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself
From my own self-built prison....from the barriers that I have so painstakingly created
It is only that glance that will assure me of what I cannot
Assure in myself and, that is, that I am really worth something
But I don't tell you this, I don't dare to, I'm afraid to
I'm afraid that your glance will not be followed by
Acceptance and Love
I'm afraid that you'll think less of me...that you'll laugh
And that your laugh would kill me
I'm afraid that deep-down I am nothing. That I'm just no good
And soon you're going to find out and you'll no longer love me....that you'll reject me
So I play my game, my desperate, pretending game
With the facades of assurance from without and that of a trembling little child within
And my life becomes a front
And I idly chatter to you in suave tons and about anything that really means nothing
And yet I can never tell about the crying inside of me
Of my greatest hurts....of my deepest fears....my concerns
I can't tell you that because I'm afraid.
So please listen carefully not to what I am saying,
But to what I am not saying
To what I'd like to be able to say. And for what my very own survival I need to say
I dislike this hiding....honestly
I dislike this phony, superficial game I'm playing
I really would like to be genuine and spontaneous and me.
But you've got to help me....
You've got to hold out your hand even when it appears to you
That it's the last thing I want from you
Because I am going to share a secret with you about myself;
The moment I act like I need you the least is the moment
That I need you the most
Don't be fooled by this mask. When you see anger in this mask,
Don't be fooled for one second....that's not anger, that's hurt
The mask of anger is easier to show then the mask of hurt
And if we make the error of looking at people's masks
Only to see anger on their face, we may end up in confrontation
Only because we missed the point
You have the power to wipe away this blank stare
Of the "breathing dead" beneath this mask.
It will not be easy for you
Long felt hurts make my masks endure.
The nearer you approach me the harder I may strike back
Irrationally, I fight against the very thing that I cry out for-
My Identity
You may wonder who I am. You shouldn't
Don't be fooled by the face I wear
I am someone you know very well
I am every man, woman, and child
I am You
******Lindzey Rae / Written 4/2/98

*I TRIED*

There are times when I feel so alone

Not even your love can comfort me
My whole heartache is like a danger zone
But it's the hurt that no one can see

I try and try, but still can't succeed

I reach out for you, but you're not there
I can't figure out what I need
Or what I did to make it so unfair

"Just leave her alone, she'll be alright,

As long as she keeps fighting she'll be okay."
Well what if I don't want to fight?
Then what would you have to say?

I gave up a while back

The time everyone said I'd be alright
But I guess it's motivation that I lack
Though I tried with all my might

But I'm always going to be alone

My personality rough
Cause in your thoughts I have grown
But you never looked close enough
*****Lindzey Rae / Written 4/2/98

ONLY ONE

When they look at the two of us

They only see one
They don't see me
The one hidden in the eternal shadows
They see you
The beautiful one
With sparkles in her eyes
And angels in her soul
They don't see the distant pain
For they don't look into the shadows
I try to speak up
But the words won't come
I try to make an impression
But the beauty doesn't show
I try not to be jealous
I try not to glare
But no matter how hard I try
The envy is still there
My eyes water with bitterness
And my soul is pained with hurt
The hatred just makes me look more unattractive
But it occupies my whole being
I want to be seen
I want to be noticed
But more than anything I want to be loved
The crowd sees us together
But they don't see two of us
They see one
The one with sparkles in her eyes
And angels in her soul
*****Lindsey Rae written 4/4/98

THE ROAD

I have always walked behind you

Following you
Through life's twisted roads and paths
Not making my own turns
Just following your footprints
Not always fitting in correctly
Not always looking right
But always pretending
Not always knowing
But never letting others see that
Always hurting
But not letting others sense that
You just pretended I wasn't there
Not like it mattered
I already knew that you didn't care
But I still follow you
In everything you do
Hoping you'll see...
The lonely person behind you
*****Lindsey Rae

UNTIL THERE WAS YOU

I've never been this hopeful

I've never dreamed this true
I've never had this laughter
Until there was you....

I've never asked for much

No, nothing at all
But now I'm begging for you
Cause being in love was a very short fall

Though you're not here with me

For the miles keep us apart
I can't help but want you
And long for you in my heart

Though our lips have never touched

And our hands have never met
I know we're meant to be
This relationship was heaven set

I need you all the time

And think of you every day
My feelings for you are undescribable
So "I love you" is all I can say

I hope you understand

And believe my words to be true
Because I've never been this happy
Until there was you....
*****Lindsey Rae

YOU HAVE MY HEART

I thought that we would make it

At least longer than we did
But it would hurt more to fake it
Rather than end it when we did
I thought that I was over you
You know it's almost been a year
But my feelings for you, well they grew
And in my heart I still hold you near
You were once my lover--now my best friend
And, yeah, I know you'll be there until the end
But now there is this other guy
The one who makes the night fly by
HE holds me and you won't
HE kisses me cause you can't
HE wants me though you don't
And I am not with you anymore
So what do I feel guilty for?
YOU said it was over
YOU said we were through
You no longer wanted me
But I wanted you
And now there is this other guy
He makes me feel so good
He makes me feel beautiful
But still I wish you would
I still wish you would love me
I wish you would hold me
And kiss me deep
I wish that when I saw you
My heart wouldn't leap
Cause it's over now
That thing we once had
And I want to want him,
And so I am mad
He is great, he is fun
He is also a friend
But for some reason my feelings for you
Don't seem to end
This other guy I like--
I care for a lot
I wish I could give him all that I've got
Each and every part
But I can't cause of you...
Cause you have my heart.
*****Sarah M.

CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?

Would it be selfish of me

To ask you to stay
And not leave me be
Not today....

Would you consider me rude

If I said I wanted you
Would you think me crude
If I let you know that I need you

Can I tell you that you're a great man

That I want to be with you forever
Do you know I'm your greatest fan
And I would be so happy if we could be together

What do you think of me

Sometimes I just don't know...
I just wish you would let me see
Don't be afraid to let your feelings show

I know I love you more than anything

And that I can't live without you
Sometimes I don't know what these words will bring
But I hope you feel the same too

So, would it be selfish of me

To ask you to stay
And not leave me be
Please, not today....
*****Lindsey Fausett...Written 8/22/98 for Brandon Matthews

Feel free to come back whenever you like, I'll be adding new poems almost

every week. Please just remember that the authors of these poems took time
to write them, for themselves, or for their loved ones. Please let them have the
credit....and don't keep it for yourself. Thanx.

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