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MOOSIE MAILINGS

"Your Momma"


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Yo Mama's so fat...

Her butt looks like two pigs fighting over a milk dud.
She wears a watch on each arm, one for each time zone.
The last time she saw 90210 was on a scale.
The shadow of her butt weighs 50 pounds.
She stepped on my cat's tail and now I call him "Beaver".
When she runs, she makes the CD player skip... at the radio station.
She's got more Chins than a Chinese phone book.
Her picture fell off the wall.
I had to take a train and two buses to get on her good side.
Instead of wearing Levi's 501 she wears Levi's 1002 jeans.
When she puts on high heels in the morning, by the afternoon, they're flats.
At the zoo, elephants started throwing her peanuts.
She looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagen.
She's got more rolls than a bakery.
When she hauls ass she has to make two trips.
When she dances she makes the band skip.
When she was diagnosed with the flesh eating virus, the doctor gave her 13 years to live.
She puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
Her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
When she goes to the zoo the elephants throw her peanuts.
Her high school graduation picture was an aerial photograph.
Her driver's license says, "Picture continued on other side."
The back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.
All the restaurants in town have signs that say: "Maximum Occupancy: 240
Patrons OR Yo* Mama"
When she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.
When she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down.
She was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.
She's got smaller fat women orbiting around her.
When I yell "Kool-Aid," she comes crashing through the wall.
She could sell shade.
When she crosses the street, cars look out for her.
People jog around her for exercise.
I ran around her twice and got lost.
She gets runs in her jeans.
Her blood type is Ragu.
When she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.
If she got her shoes shined, she'd have to take his word for it!
She has to put her belt on with a boomerang.
When she turns around, people throw her a welcome back party.
She can't even jump to a conclusion.
She went to the movies and sat next to everyone.
Her belly button doesn't have lint, it has sweaters
 

Yo Mama's So Stupid...

She sold the car for petrol money.
She tripped over a cordless phone.
She thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican phone company.
She got stabbed in a shoot out.
She thinks MCI is a rapper.
She spent twenty minutes lookin' at an orange juice box, because it said "concentrate".
She told me to meet her at the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk"
She gave out free potato chips and yelled "Free Lays!"
She tried to drown a fish.
She got run over by a parked car.
The computer said to press any key to continue, and she couldn't find the
"Any" key.
She failed a blood test.
 

Yo Mama's So Ugly...

She's like Taco Bell. People see her and they run for the border.
When she went to a haunted house, she came out with a job application.
The last time I saw something that looked like her, I pinned a tail on it.
Yo dad first met her at the pound.
 

Yo Mama's So Smelly...

Even dogs won't sniff her crotch.
When she was delivering you, the doctor was wearing the oxygen mask.
Her Sure deodorant is confused, and her Secret deodorant told on her.
She made Right Guard go left, Speed Stick slow and Ban come off strike.
She gets sourdough yeast infections.


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