This is a page I'm writing because I'm angry and I feel I need to spill my emotions onto this page. You may not like what I'm going to type here. You may never look at me the same way again. I love the internet. It's been a major part of my life for the last 8 months or so. It pains me to say that some things about the net are very bad. I hate some aspects. The amount of fighting and bickering that goes on around here is worse than anything in the real world. People hold grudges. People hate each other for no good reason. It's not a world I care for all that much. But some of the people here have made me happy. They have provided me with their time and their patience. Some people have made me very happy by providing their friendship and even love. I'm not going to leave the net. That’s not what this is all about. In fact what this is all about is just me being very angry at circumstance. About how the future and the present even never seem to go where you want them too. I'm tired with planning ahead. From now on it's day to day planning and nothing more unless some people are going to change their attitudes. I hope the future will be nice and pleasant for everyone but there are no guarantees and it's not a world I enjoy living in. It's becoming harder and harder for me to cope with the little things. The things that made me happy. Now they anger me, annoy me and upset me. I'm a friendly person. I've never consciously upset another human being. If I have ever upset anyone on the net then I apologise it was never intentional. Sometimes people don't realise how much words can hurt. "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me". WRONG. Words hurt more than anything else. I'd rather be hit by a truck than be told someone hated my guts. I've always tried to do what's right by myself and by everyone else I know and meet. But I can't keep putting myself in the firing line and I seem to do so time after time.

I will never leave the net unless I stop caring about the people on it. I am a person like anyone else. I want people to like me for who I am. I want people to love me for what I do. I want to be held, to be told it's all going to be alright. That the pain will go. That "there's nothing you can do". There's always something I can do. I never give up on the one's I love and care about. Sometimes I wish I didn't care at all because then it'd all be easy. I would never get hurt, or upset or dragged in between 2 people I care about. I wish I was stupid. That way I wouldn't see all the things I see. I wouldn't feel all the pain. I wouldn't be able to read between the lines. For some reason I hate myself. Not who I am, not what I do. I just hate me. I've never been good enough for anyone. What I do is not good enough. There's nothing I can do to correct this. I was hoping the sensation of failure would go away in time but it's only hiding and waiting to come back. I'm hurt genuinely by any remarks about me and why I don't succeed at anything I attempt. Having said that I am a failure am I'm no good to anyone as such. I apologise for wasting anyone's time who bothered to read this. I am unhappy. There's nothing you can do. Thank you. Kreese.