How many            does it take to change a light bulb?

How many actuaries does it take to change a light bulb?

“How many did it take last year?”

How many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb?

Three.  One to change it, and two to argue about how old the old one is.

How many feminists does it take to  . . . ?

THAT’S NOT FUNNY!

How many graduate students does it take to change a light bulb?

One, but it takes them ten years to finish.

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

How many can you afford?

How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

“Into what?”

How many mezzo-sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three.  One to stand on a chair on tiptoe, and two to say, “It’s too high for her. It’s too high for her.”

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change.

How many school superintendents does it take to change a light bulb?

Superintendents are seldom around long enough for a light bulb to burn out.

How many stockbrokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Five hundred to climb the ladder, and 499 to say they weren’t hurt in the crash.

How many Teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

Three.  You got a problem with that?

How many telemarketers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but she has to do it while you’re eating dinner.

How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?

None, for God has predestined when the light will be on. Calvinists do not change light bulbs. They simply read the instructions and pray that the light bulb will be one that has been chosen to be changed.

How many Charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

It doesn’t matter; they’ve all got their hands in the air.

How many established church members does it take to change a light bulb?

Ten.  One to actually change the bulb, and nine to say how much they liked the old one.

How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?

Two.  One to mix the martinis, and one to call the electrician.

How many Fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

Change!?

How many independent Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, because any more might lead to too much cooperation.

How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb?

Ten.  One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

How many Quakers does it take to change a light bulb?

None.  No matter how dark the bulb may appear, it still contains a measure of the Light.

How many theologians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three.  But the three are also one.

How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One.  But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.

How many Unitarian Universalists does it take to change a light bulb?

Let us first consider what we mean by “light bulb” and how one might be “changed.”  We must then decide whether changing the bulb might alienate those who use other forms of light.

How many United Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?

This statement was issued:
We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that a light bulb works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb (or light source, or non-dark resource), and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted - all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

How many computer geeks does it take to change a light bulb?

“What, you mean it’s dark in here?”

How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None.  They just proclaim that Darkness® is the new standard.

How many Microsoft support techs does it take to change a light bulb?

None.  “We have an exact copy of the light bulb here, and it seems to be working fine.”

How many Pentium designers does it take to change a light bulb?

1.99904274017, or at least that’s close enough for non-technical people.

How many American Communists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to change the light bulb, and one to hand out leaflets.

How many Chinese Communists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to change the light bulb, and a thousand to chant “Fight darkness!”

How many Russian Communists does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but it takes him thirty years to realize it’s burned out.