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Come on, lover
Suck the blood
Out of the veins I offer thee
Choose the limb
Choose time and day

Come on, lover
suck me dry
take the marrow of my bones
like starfruit pulp
that tastes of lime

lover, lover
kisses bitter sweet
when darling buds of may
are nipped

come on, lover
let me taste
and taste my lovesick misery
stab the heart
you nurtured with your luxury

lover, lover
kisses bitter sweet
when darling buds of may
are nipped

come on, lover
fly away
leave me in non-entity
and Iíll obey to anything
you offer me

may it be nothing
my sweet love
if it is all youíre giving me
your kisses linger knowingly
and poison all thatís left of me

lover, lover
bitter sweet
when darling buds of may
are nipped

[may 2, 2004]



and now there's new affections
new hurtings
and less healings.
and I'm waiting for decay
a silent disintegration in the light of the moon
dying with the stars and rising with the sun
in an everlasting circle
that will never stop
and still ... I won't rise today
and not tomorrow

[December 8, 2003]


vampire souls

walking in the shadows of the morning
when the sun hits the sky
first time this day

the radio playing quiet songs
waking sleeping souls
when fresh dew falls on the grass 

and when they wake they start to think
and they start to cry
for sleep

their lonely hearts are lonelier at day
when the nightís shadows do not hide
them in a forgetting cover

remembrance is their punishment
remembering this day
and the one before
and the last year
and their whole rotten life

on the porch with coffee cups
still in their hands when they are cold
warming no fingers no souls 

they wait for the sun
to be slaughtered by the oncoming night
bringing forgiveness, and sleep

 [July 11, 2000]


No good

She was sick of it. Sick of waiting half an hour for the fucking tram. Sick of walking home in the cold. Freezing, kind of drunk, though she didnít even have much. A beer, a glass of wine. Still.. she wasnít a wine drinker and she knew. Own fault. Getting old, she thought.

She did want to meet her kin, people she liked. But at the moment she was more comfortabke meeting them at home. In her own cosy little cave. Exposed to the world wasnít good. She used to like pubs and bars Ė a lot. But that seemed so long ago, although it was only yesterday. Alcohol in her mind and nicotine in her lungs. One could have that at home too... no feeling for it. So why then. A cigarette shared with her bed, a glass of orange juice with her computer. No alcohol. No drugs. No good.

No idea what had happened, but the moment she saw her reflection in the elevator mirror, she knew. Stricken with tiredness, though she had slept for a hundred years. Dark shadows under her eyes. Snow in her hair becoming wet and streaky. Looked at her phone and wanted to talk to someone. But couldnít talk to all the people she meant something to. She couldnít even talk to herself so she turned the phone on mute as well as her life.

Alone with the demons. Not facing them in that poorly lit room, because she couldnít even see them, so dark was it. They hid in the shadows and spoke soothing words that calmed her body, but not her soul. And she answered with songs that no one could ever hear. Not yet. When she had finally dimmed the lights, finally fallen asleep, her demons war awake, keeping watch over her so they could not miss her waking up.

 Coffee, more nicotine. Hunger but no need and strenght to eat. She would be sick anyway. Out and wondering, left the car in the garage for it was what people called a nice morning. She felt obliged to take a walk in that nice weather. A bit of sun caressing her hair. Filmstar feeling including unhappiness. She had awoken early so she did without the local transport system and walked to work, hoping she would wake from her dream ...




I once trusted in love
and my heart was broken in two
was mended and healed
leaving scars for my memory

so I started to trust in friendship
lost and regained
learned to believe in impossibility,
trusted truly
and my heart got shattered

into a thousand little pieces,

[December 8, 2004]



feel so paralysed
almost blinded by the tears
out of breath
out of cigarettes
if those steel claws
would only let my heart go



(c) ak. indigo ophelia