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November 26, 2003
I've been very sick these last two weeks but ill tal about that later. Right now what really bothers me is mii boy friend. Jesus, he frustrates me so much, I can't stand it. Right now I feel like just ramming mii head into a wall. Or like screaming n crying at the same moment. Anything to just forget it all. I mean I like the guy, thats why I'm his girl friend, but he just really makes me angry sometimes.I just cant handle it whne he gets a little angry. When he has the slightest hint of paranoia or just a tiny micro bit mad aout a certain situation he turns into a guy I do not know at all. Like there are two diegos..thats what it feels like. I feel like just slapping him when he gets that way, and running as far away as possible. In fact, I kind of feel like screaming toO. He's so unbearable when he's angry. I just hate it more than anyhting in the world. On Monday he got mad because I wouldn't walk with him. He exploded in mii face and yelled and yelled. wtf?? I just wanted to crii or hit him. I wasn't sure which oe was the btter option so I just stoped wanting to talk to him n gave him attitude. I wanted to be left aone before I got into taht mood where I get so angry that I would do anything to get out of that situation. Thats usually when people say things they dont mean. And I did, I told him it was over and technically we broke up for all of second period until we both apologized towards the end. But after today, I just, I'm starting to feel like I realli hate his other side. Like whenever he gets angry its Diego#2....the kind of person I persoanlli hate with all mii heart, n if hes always angry with me..I just dontknow where this relationship is going, at all! Today I called him n I asked if we were still gonna go out [he was at a magic draft] he sed yeah...but I sed to forget it because i didnt want to go anymore. He said he was gonna call me frm chriss house fone. I said okii. He called a while later n asked if we were still going, I said no, and he got mad because he left his draft earlii costing him $20 dollars. God forbid, and he was being such a moron about it that when he asked if [INTERUPTION-8:01 REALLI ANNOYED WITH HIM N I JUST FEEL LIKE GETTING OUT.] we were gonna go out on friday, I said no. He yelled at me. I hung up, because I hate it. And now I broke up wth him, why? Because I hate the person he is when he is angry. I hate that we argue so much. OMG I CANT STAND IT. If we argue all the time...then that means we always have differen perspectives about issues, then why are we together? I just don't see it anymore. For every moment taht he make sme happy, I get ten loads of crappy moments. Where we can't agree about something, or im cheating on him with Jeff, or anything else he comes up with in his little head. That snaother thing I hate....he just god, he make sme feel bad all the time about how EVERYONE sees hw unhappy we are. Well then what the hell, lets make them happy...and lets breka up so I can cause you n harm right?? jesus fuck. Damn it shit. He just fuckn pisses me off so much. Its over n I have to think about everyhing, liek how he says he loves me. No he doesn't..hes afraid to lose me thats what it is! And everyone knows why hes afraid to lose me! god dmammmiitt!!!i want to jump off a building! grab a gun and blow mii head off. Or just slit mii wrist. I hate mii life. I realli do. And for everyone who agrees with him about me being abitch to hi or not treatn him right like chris, subi, gio, n every1 else inthis world. If he complains so mcuha bout me, why havent you told him to dump me? Becuae you know he doesnt want to! and why, because he exxagerates hw badly i makehim fuckn feel....and doesnt realli want to leave me bcuz i dont cause him that much pain to begin with!!!!! God im so upset. I just want to go to sleep. And anyone that derives joy from this entry laugh it up. I dont care anymore. Say what you want. But I just really dont see what I'm goign to do anymore. He was suppose to be perfect. He really was....I was suppose to be happi n this is what I get? Just liek every one of mii dreams...it has its faults. I hate mii life...I truly do. I'm prolly just gonna go to mii roOm n crii it all awaii. Im out, loOkn fo Luv.
