Dr. Otar is a highly respected practicioner of Logic Therapy. He and his assistant, Spiffster Cliffster, have volunteered their time and energy to provide their highly valuable service for all who seek it; for those who can't seem to find an answer or solution to a certain question or problem, for the lost souls who have trouble finding a sense of direction in their lives, or for any Joe sitting at his computer scratching his head over some stupid fucking trivial tidbit that he feels is worthy enough to waste our time with since he has nothing better to do with his absolutely unnecessary existance.
Got a question for Doc and Spiffster? Email him at od91111@yahoo.com
Dear Doc,
My life's been going down the drain in the last 2 months. I lost my job, my wife and kids left me, all the money's gone.....I don't know what to do, I feel so helpless. It seems that all I can think about lately is suicide. I just don't know what to do, help me out here....
Helpless Harry (Queens)
What do I look like, a goddamn fucking Magic 8-Ball? Shit, if you got nothing better to do than whine about your fucking worthless existence over the Godforsaken Internet, well God-diggity-damnit, you might as well kill yourself, you fucking failure-ridden pathetic wad of crisco.
Listen closely: you are a fucking gerbil-humping syphilis-infested shitheel. AND IF YOU EMAIL ME ONE MORE TIME CRYING ABOUT YOUR TOTAL LACK OF A LIFE, I'LL HEAD OVER TO YOUR FUCKING TRAILER PARK AND SHOVE GOLF TEES IN YOUR FUCKING LUNGS TILL YOUR TEETH ARE SWIMMING IN BLOOD, GOT IT?!
Dear Dr. O,
Guys in school think I'm some kind of slut just cuz I hooked up with someone at a party when I was drunk. Now everyone's trying to get with me. How do I let them know I'm not a whore??
Angel (Brooklyn)
Don't fucking act like it's my fault that people think you're the biggest skank this side of the fucking country. I mean, you go to a party with a sign on your back that says "Fuck Me Till I'm Blue" and you expect guys to treat you normally at school? Of course they think your snatch is dripping cum all over the place, you fucking half-witted hooter museum.
Now go fuck yourself.
Dear Otar,
Why do guys cheat?
Allison (Manhattan)
My God, do bitches ever shut up with this shit?! First of all, what the fuck do you care why guys cheat? If you ask me, it ain't that big a fuckin' deal...I mean, shit, a guy's got 2 balls and a cock, he's gotta use 'em for something. And it's not like a guy chases poon from dusk till dawn when he's got a girlfriend. If the opportunity arises...like if a chick comes up to him and says "Let's bang harder than a bass drum"...then obviously he's gonna hit that shit! How can you expect us to resist? Every guy's got a hit-the-pussy-if-the-opportunity-arises gene, so we can't help it.
I don't know where to go to treat severe stupidity, but you better find a place fast because you're not gonna last with that fucking "Let's all be perfect" shit. Take after Angel and go fuck yourself.
SC: Hello and welcome back to ask Spiffster Cliffster. Our next caller identifies himself as Dickless Dick from Des Moines, Iowa. Welcome Dick, how can I help you?
DD: I have a big problem, Spiffster.
SC: Funny, I was expecting you to say you had a small one.
DD: Well, ironically it is.
SC: Shut the fuck up, I'm telling the jokes you Eunuch fuck. Now are you gonna tell me how tiny your cock is, or should I play 20 questions?
DD: Well I really wish you had been a little more subtle but...
SC: Awwwwww, mister nipple-dick wants a little subtlety, well isn't that just cutie wutie sweet? You would think Waste-Of-Balls here gets enough subtlety slipping his chihuahua-cock into his loose bitch and trying to get a moan out of her.
DD: I'm sorry, you're right. I guess it's best that the truth comes out...
SC: Well your thumbellina-tool certainly isn't coming out.
DD: Look Doctor, I need a little sensitivy, it's hard coming to grips with...
SC: Your Dick? Look I don't wanna hear it, my dick is 10 healthy inches of full girthy sausage, so I don't give a fuck about you.
DD: But Doctor, Isn't a psychologist supposed to have empathy towards others?
SC: OH BUT I DO! And by this I mean I think you are En Pathetic individual. I hope that after you find your dick you can find true love, I'll set you up with a friend of mine named Palm-mela. Happy fucking!
Ahhh helping people is the most rewarding part of my job. Next caller.