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Its been 4 days or so, maybe even a week, since i had this feeling in me. Although I never had any experience with it, its a fact that this feeling really hurts. I cant shattered tears, or avoid the painful stags, i dunno what i should do, since this world is changing, i believe my emotions have changed too. It had evolved so much in the past few years, that so much could be my whole universe. I enter the world covering what had hurted me everytime im alone, yet i solved each question everyday, figuring what went wrong. It tears me to think of my childhood. I cant continue to live if this keeps going. Its so depressing, stressful, and... sometimes in the middle of the transaction, a simple thing can dis-concentrate my emotions, and vaquish the feeling. I've also noticed i have grown alot now. So much experience is kept in me, yet theres still more i need to learn. the world is full of surprises, and im so scared of it.

im seeing someone right now, although i get lonely once shes gone, i only treat her like my little sister when shes around. No joy is found when shes with me. Theres somebody im waiting for. Its been so long, and yet nobody have shown up. i have waited from day 1, but i know that person dont even exist. Shes nothing in this world except a faded memory. she never did exist, and still i keep dreaming. I'm still waiting for you...please come soon. I know its wrong, but ill still wait. Ill continue to wait until you come, and if you dont come, ill keep waiting, keep waiting...

So how come you dont kill yourself already, and save me some times?
Wow, im starting to hate quite a bit. Strong emotions is starting to overtake me again. I hope this time it wont last long. I just finished cleaning out my room, and peeled my wallpaper. Im getting ready to paint. So why am i doing all this? So this season i would spend the whole two weeks at home, alone by myself in a warmth room at least, wasting away my hours. I was planning a very nice seasonal thing, but something came up and destroyed it. Sorry everyone. Just sometime, things dont go as you plan. This year, my only wish is to pass january.1 and continue to live on throughout my life. Im simply too weak to continue on.