This is a poem by Lloyd Christmas and A Gorila.
There once was a man who liked weed,
And this man also liked speed,
For drugs he had a need,
That was until he peed,
When he peed he started to bleed,
'It feels like Im urinating razors!' he screamed,
One night when he went to bed,
He dreamed his arm was made of lead,
He woke up the next morning only to find,
That his arm was of the metal kind,
He began to think he was losing his mind,
He soon became blind,
He went to the doctors to check himself out,
The doctor said,' you stupid lout',
The doctor looked at his phallus, he moved it about,
All of a sudden he began to shout,
When the man gave him a clout,
'Your phallus is made of metal!' he suddenly screamed,
This hospital is a farce,
He said as he kicked him up the arse,
He said ''no longer will you see my penis'',
Now go away you stupid idiot',
''And how it it is much harder than a brick'',
Two meters thick,
Nothing like a stick,
More like a log,
He said,' maaaaaan, I need the bog',
To lay a huge log,
After that he gave the doctor a snog,
And just then the weather turned to fog,
He went home again to bed,
But he found it was occupied by a man called Ned,
Who had a piece of excrement on his head,
He shot him dead with a gun,
From which he bought from a gun salesperson,
Then he decided he wanted a bit of fun,
But he was hungry so he ate a carrot bun,
He got the man and ripped off his head,
It didnt hurt him much, he was already dead,
But he picked up the gun and filled him full of lead,
But then he went to the bog instead,
He went to the shop,
And bought a mop,
He went to the gun sales person,
And bought another gun,
Simply for some fun,
He mopped up his ,
He walked down the street,
He went to the cinema to watch shallow hal,
On the back row he laughed at the fat gal,
The man in front,
Called him a dirty idiot,
And he just smirked and made a grunt,
He took out his 9-mil,
And blew the head off the man (called Bill),
And threw him down the hill,
He jumped on his bike,
And sang down a mike,
His all time favuorite song,
But he sang it all wrong,
Because he was wearing a thong,
Far away he heard a gong,
Far away into the distance,
He thought he needed some assistance,
So he hired himself a mistress,
But he was hungry so he ate her face,
She wasn't going at the right pace,
She was dripping sweat all over the place,
He pulled out a bazooka,
Cos he found out she had a veruca,
He thought it would go if he would shook her,
But he shot her with his bazooka,
And then flew off to Vancouver,
