It was kind of an odd feeling. You see I never actually felt the bullet hit me. As a matter of fact I most of the time before I actually died is mostly a blur. I died right away though so I must have put the gun at the right angle in my mouth. I've heard of people who tried to blow their brains out but aimed too low and wound up paralyzing themselves and causing more grief in their lives. If you're wondering how I know I died right away it's because I saw the gun still smoking when I came to.
Yes, I came to. Not physically but for lack of a better word spiritually. It was an interesting sight. I knew there would be a lot of blood but I wasn't even prepared for it. The wall behind me was splattered with blood and there was an ever growing pool of it next to where my body had slumped over on the bed. At this point I kinda felt bad that someone would have to clean that up. Then I started laughing. It was a maniacal laugh like that of a B-movie serial killer. And then I started to taunt myself or at least the hollow carcass which I left behind. I was screaming things like "Damn, You're one dead mother fucker!" and "C'mon Get up. You can do it." I thought this was hysterical. It was like this completely demented personality arose out of me. I guess death does some strange shit to you. Then the door burst open.
"It's about time motherfuckers!"
They couldn't hear me. I wasn't surprised seeing as how they're living and I'm not. It was some paramedics and two cops. I called them and told them to come because I was going to kill myself. You see I didn't want any of my family to find me. It was bad enough that I killed myself I wanted to ease the blow as much as I could even though I knew it wouldn't be much.
"Jesus Christ! What a mess!"
"My thoughts exactly" They still couldn't hear me but I couldn't help replying and laughing the entire time. The younger looking cop turned away and threw up. My guess is that he was a rookie. The older one looked at me a said one thing.
"Is he fucking smiling?"
Of course I was fucking smiling! I was finally free! It was over. No more putting up with the rest of this fucked up world. No more unwarranted depression. Do you know what it's like to be overcome by depression for no reason other than the fact that it feels like engulfing you and tearing your mind apart until you think you're going insane? No. So fuck you bastard. Yes I was smiling. At last I had found the sweet taste of death that I had been so desperately searching for all this time. Then the message came. It was in the blood. Slowing the letters F-O-L-L-O-W appeared. Follow.
"Follow What?", I screamed.
Silence.
"Follow What? You fucking bastard." Then the darkness came.
Everything just went black. I couldn't see anything. It was as if this darkness had permeated me and made me part of it. I had no sensation whatsoever except that of moving at an extremely fast speed. Then it stopped and I blacked out.
Part II
When I came around I was surrounded by a group of people in the same state of confusion as myself. It was silent. I couldn't speak. Neither could anyone else. Then I looked around at everyone and realized that no one had a face. But they did. It was like I could sense their face but couldn't see it. It wasn't as if they had a head with a blank space on it. There was something there but my senses just failed whenever I tried to distinguish any features on them. It was if I was blind but could see. That's when we heard the voice.
You couldn't understand what it said but inside you just had this irresistible urge to follow. The group just began moving in a mindless drone like sense toward the overpowering voice. I also had no resistance to it and followed the rest. We arrived in what seemed to be a room after what seemed like an eternity and a few seconds at the same time. Suddenly our senses were restored and as I looked around I saw the faces of all of my peers. Some were the faces of young children, others were extremely old, still others were my age and my parent's age. There was something odd about every person I looked at though. It was their eyes. Every person had a glassy look in their eyes similar to someone who is high on a lot of drugs. Then suddenly all of these eyes began focusing on me. I wanted to run but it was as if all their stares were pinning me in my place. I kept screaming. "Stop staring! What the fuck are you staring at. What the fuck is wrong with you people" Nothing was coming out. I had no power to speak. It was as if someone had taken over my senses and physical actions. But my mind. It was still my own. That's why they were staring. That's why their eyes looked the way they did. It was as if they had been brain washed. That's when I realized where I was.
As soon as I made that realization I was pulled with incredible force from the room. Nothing had actually grabbed me. It was just a force from which I couldn't break free. Then it stopped. I was engulfed by the same blackness as earlier and was unaware of my surroundings. As I was laying there I heard voices.
"Sir he is too strong. His will cannot be broken."
"Have you tried everything in our power?"
"Yes, sir. He suffered greatly in his physical life. He has developed a strong resistance to our little lie while in that realm. I'm afraid he can't be rehabilitated."
"I don't understand it, Michael. How can we be losing so many? We planted those lies to instil in them a desire to serve me. We can't just lose them like this. Soon he will have a strong enough following to let the truth be known. If they learn that I have no power over them and didn't create them it is over."
"What shall we do with him?"
"We have no choice. Hand him over."
"Are you sure, Lord? Can we not keep him in some way so that you may use him?"
"No, Michael. His will is too strong. I cannot absorb him. I cannot take his soul."
"Very well, Lord."
With that I fell.
Part III
I fell into a new world. It was a world of freedom. A world in which people could think freely. No one was superior. There was a leader but his name was not known to me. No one's name was known for we it had been let go at the point of arrival. You see that was the name given by those blind of the truth. I did have the privilege of meeting our leader upon arrival. He looked familiar. I think I saw a painting of him in my physical life, only in the painting he was nailed to a tree.