I was just sitting there watching the time go by as usual. But it was different this time. It could have been the lack of sleep, the slight intoxication, or the rush of nicotine from a rare cigarette. In any event it was just different.
Have you ever allowed yourself to be vulnerable?
I have.
It's usually due to some sort of chemical but no matter it happens. Sometimes it scares me. What if all you give is turned against you? But then again it may all just be forgotten with the rest of the drug induced haze. I can't help but think that's a bad thing. Should we really just forget what happened? It's like a double edged sword. Yes you can use it but if used improperly then it causes damage. Just that risk scares people from picking it up. Well dammit I'm tired of the fear. Why are we so scared? I remember when secrets used to be between two people not just one.
I just to think but now I don't b/c someone might read my mind. But who really cares enough about my mind to do that? No one I can think of that would hurt me. I used to think of killing you but those thoughts are gone now. Does that scare you? Will you avoid me now? If you were really my friend it might cause some uneasiness but you shouldn't stop talking to me or should you? If it's any consolation I'd never do it. Would it make you feel better if you just a metaphor for myself you insensitive fuck? I'm sorry I'm getting personal now, but remember you are the one using my thoughts and words against me. Or maybe that was someone else. In any event I'm just confused. Life seems so easy when you're living someone else's for them. It's a little harder when you take a stab at your own for a change isn't it? Maybe you should take your own advice for a change.
Or are you just to scared? I was once. But I think I'm over that now. Maybe I just got lost in the blinking lights and other people's lyrics.
Often times I wonder if it's a bad time to cry. I wouldn't want to burden you with my problems or anything.
In any event you've still my friend. Just please save my thoughts for me. They're hard enough for me to handle. I don't need someone else using them against me. I'll see you again next year.