[ home | about | interests | contact | dedications | links ] | |
associates: Spirit Sentient :: reverb and echoes :: frozen pale |
icq: 122153002 :: e-mail: fragmastre@hotmail.com |
..::life::.. |
{03.29.2011}Born to buy into something... Born to kill...::1:37am. Not even close to tired yet. So yeah, Christie must have had something come up, she didn't end up coming by. Not to say I'm surprised, but I was looking forward to it for sure. Another time perhaps. I've felt super relaxed over the past day or two. Can't explain why, no change in routine, no change in diet. I seem to be getting better then usual sleep, more energy during the day, and I feel utterly void of stress. If only this calm could stay forever. I have a feeling it's the calm before a storm. Usually is. But I'll stay optimistic. Could be a start of great things to come. Always find I make better decisions with a calm mind. I went over Sandra's blog, found she hates guys that say they are different then other guys. Can totally agree with that. Cliche lines are taboo these days. Occasionally they will work just on the pity and comedy aspect of things, but personally... I think they are lame. Unless it's something like "Were your parents retarded? Cause you're so special." That one always makes me laugh. Mind you it's yet to work... Most girls get offended. I kinda think the world is becoming more and more bandwagon. It seems whatever the flavour of the month is, is what society flocks to. No more rebellious behaviour. Well, at least not as much. Music has completely lost it's originality, it's all recycled garbage with computerized singers. Who needs talent these days? All you need is looks, ambition, and a dog eat dog attitude to get through this world. This is the third time in a row I've listened to this song. Something about it is igniting an emotion in me, can't put my finger on what it is. Song is Matthew Good - Born to Kill. I've always liked Matt Good. He's got a great voice and his music can go from relaxing and calming, to energizing and exciting. Also another plus, he's Canadian. Extra brownie points for that. I can still remember walking around the prominade with my walkman and his Beautiful Midnight CD, listening to these songs. Ah, the good old days when I had absolutely no responsibility. Getting older sucks more and more each year. Seems like my body says fuck you a little more each year. Each year seems to be going by faster. The stupid angioedema seems to be getting worse every year. Mind you, that will hopefully be fixed after I see my immunologist in May. This blood disorder is getting super duper annoying these days. I'm just glad it seems to be intent on swelling my hands more then anywhere else, the intestines and larynx suck the most. It's always a great thing to have in your mind that you can go to sleep at any given time and not wake up one day. Honestly, it scares me. Made me paranoid with my body. Also taught me about my body, I know when there is something wrong and what part of my body it's wrong with very fast. I'm pretty good at self diagnosis, due to doctors telling me everything my disorder WASN'T. Hopefully good news in May, don't want to have to resort to steroids, but if that's the safest option, then oh well. Always wanted to put on more weight anyway, maybe with that, I finally can. 1:55am. Should probably go to sleep, or at least try to. Gotta wake up around 6:00am to watch the dog, as she has just had her surgery, getting fixed.
{03.27.2011} Well I'm going to go shower and wake up and brush my teeth and have a tea and come back here to see if Christie is awake yet. Doubtful. If not, time to smoke a joint and shoot some zombies in the FACE!
{03.27.2011} On a different note. This song is extremely relaxing. Modestep - Exile. Thank god for the internet and people being able to share everything they like. Actually I think this song could suit many moods. It could be great for anger as well. Or for creativity. Useful song. Onto my sleep playlist you go my friend. Night.
{03.24.2011}
God I need a girl... Not that I'm lonely, I just miss the companionship. I miss having a warm body beside me at night and someone to have my arm around. Come to think of it. The majority of my dreams are about that exact thing. When I sleep... I dream about sleeping (not having sex with) with certain women. Those "certain women" being those who I can see myself with. Funny thing is. Olivia is not one of them. After all these years I always thought I would be attached to her forever. You know what? It probably would have been true if she hadn't changed so much. I liked the innocent, shyer, clumsy, little nerd girl I dated way back when I met her. But hey, as long as she's happy right. I seem to always go for the same types of girls... All these party girls. Now that may be because they tend to be younger then me, and in their prime partying age, but at the same time, I know girls that are 18-19 that are like me in the aspect where it just doesn't do anything special for them, and that's what I need to find. I don't mind going out and having fun every now and then, but I can't be going to bars and clubs every weekend and drinking anymore. Actually I pretty much quit drinking. My body doesn't seem to handle it as well as it used to. I tried getting into contact with people from my past today. I called Donald after he gave away my dog, and settled things between us. I can't lose a good friend over something so trivial when I really don't have many friends to spare. I have maybe four people I would call my actual friends. Two of which live in the U.S.A. The other two live quite a ways away and I rarely see them, maybe a few times a year. So, once again, I am BORED. I try to meet new people all the time, I'm always respectful to everyone and polite, and people always seem to like me. It's just I don't seem to like them. I can't seem to find an intelligent person to talk to and hold a conversation with. At least not outside my own family. There are a few others, like Sandra, who I enjoy talking to a lot, but just don't talk to very frequently. Although, I apologize, I worded that wrong, It's not that I don't like them, I just can't see myself being friends with them. I guess I'm picky as hell with the people I keep around me. Hard to trust people these days. The funny thing is though, with all the ways there are to keep in touch these days... It should be easy. Weird. At least it kinda shows me who my real friends are. Which people are actually thinking about me on a semi-regular basis. Which don't think of me or care for me at all. I always liked the saying "Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer". Seems like good advice.
Anyway I'm tired. I'll leave you (meaning myself), with the awesome lyrics of Rush:
|