Husbands: I begin with the husband because that is where God began. Men are called by God to be the leader of the household. The Bible leaves no doubt as to the role of the man. When God created the world, He put Adam in charge, before woman was created. Eve was created not as an equal, but as a helpmeet - an assistant - under Adams' control. Genesis 2:18 says:"And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him." In 1 Peter 3:7 the Holy Spirit calls the wife "the weaker vessel". And it was Eve's weaker nature that Satan exploited when he tempted her in the garden. The first sin for which God rebuked Adam in Genesis 3:17 was "because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife" In other words, Adam listened to Eve rather than God. It was because Eve was tempted through her weaker nature into disobeying God that He made Adam the authority over her. Genesis 3:16 "and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee." Pretty clear isn't it. God intends man to be the ruler of his house and the leader of the family. He even uses the church as an example of the order of things. In Ephesians 5:23-24: "For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing." There can be no more clearly and emphatically stated message than this: the husband is the head of the wife, and the head of the home. However, that does not mean that the man is not accountable or answerable for his actions - he has to answer to God. The responsibility that goes with a man's position in the home is enough to scare any man when he realizes what is expected of him. The husband is primarily responsible for the success (or failure) of the home in God's eye. In Christian homes, he is to be the spiritual leader and guiding force behind his family's spiritual well-being. In non-Christian homes, the husband should be blamed first of all, because he is accountable before God. An awesome responsibility to be sure. In Numbers, chapter 30, the Lord clearly teaches that even a woman's duty to God is controlled by her father or husband. Verses 13-15 state: "Every vow, and every binding oath to afflict the soul, her husband may establish it, or her husband may make it void. But if her husband altogethr hold his peace at her from day to day; then he establisheth all her vows, or all her bonds, which are upon her: he confirmeth them, because he held his peace at her in the day that he heard them. But if he shall in any ways make them void after that he heard them, then he shall bear her iniquity." So the father or husband if she is married, has the right to set aside or to establish any vow a woman may have made to God. But he also takes onto himself, any sin that may accompany the matter by voiding any vow or bond. Even in church, women are commanded to be under the obedience to their husbands and to ask them concerning religious matters at home. 1 Corinthians 14:34-35: "Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law. And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church." God has clearly commanded men to be the leaders in matters of religion. Two of the greatest examples of Godly husbands are found in Joshua and Abraham. After God had brought the tribes of Isreal out of Egypt, through the wilderness wanderings, and into Canaan, Joshua gathered them together for a great address and urged them to serve the Lord. Joshua 24:15 is the climax to his address of the people and stands as one of the great examples of a Godly husband: "And if it seem evil unto you to serve the Lord, choose you this day whom ye shall serve; whether the gods which your famthers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell:but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."In that last sentence, Joshua spoke volumes about the man's role in regards to leading his family's religious beliefs: He spoke for himself: "I will serve the Lord" He spoke for his wife: "She will serve the Lord" He spoke for his children: "They will serve the Lord" He spoke for any grandchildren who may have been living under his roof: "They will serve the Lord" He spoke of anyone else who lived in his house: "They will serve the Lord" In essence, he told all the heads of the families in this address: "You heads of familes choose for yourself who you will serve. But I will serve the Lord and my family will serve the Lord." In Abraham, God found a man He could trust and a man that would bring his family and his house up in the way of the Lord. When God started to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah, He said: "And the Lord said, Shall I hide from Abraham that thing which I do; Seeing that Abraham shall surely become a great and mighty nation, and all the nations of the earth shall be blessed in him? For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgement; that the Lord may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him" - Genesis 18:17-19. Abraham commanded his children and his household after him so that they kept the way of the Lord. And for that God blessed him and all nations through him. In addition to being the head of the household and keeping the family growing spiritually, God also requires of the man further. In Ephesians 5:25, the apostle Paul tells us that the husband is to love his wife. "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it." Another example of this is found in 1 Peter 3:7 where Peter says that the husband is to dwell together with his wife. "Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered." The husband cannot live this way with his wife unless he loves her with a love that loves in spite of the response(or lack of it) from the partner. The love that God commands is a love that is not necessarily sexual or emotional in nature (although both of these concepts are involved), but rather the kind of love that God has for the world. An all-accepting, all-forgiving love that depends not on reciprocation or self-satisfaction ("If I love you, what will you do for me?"). A husband can only love his wife in this way if he is a Christian and under the control of the Holy Spirit. The two responsibilities the Bible gives the husband in this matter are to dwell with his wife according to knowledge, and to render to his wife the honor which is due her because she is his wife. To "dwell together" means to take her into every aspect of his life. The concept of "personal space" that is touted in today's society is not a Christian concept. There should be no areas where the wife is not allowed in the husbands life (and vice versa) The man who does not perform these duties as God intended cannot communicate with her in the way He intended; hence he cannot communicate with God either since he is not obeying Gods' will. To make sure the lines of communication with God remain open the husband must make sure the channel of communication with his wife remain open as well. Only in this way can he truly love his wife as God desires him to. Yes God expects a great deal from a man - the one He put at the head of the family. The blame for broken homes, untrained and undisciplined children, immodestly dressed or fashion-mad wives - every evil that curses our civilization today can be traced back to weak or degenerate men, slackers or shirkers in thier responsibilities to take charge and take control of their homes and "wear the pants in the family". Man, if your home life is wrong, you are wrong. If your daughter turns out to be immoral and your son a criminal, you are to blame in God's sight. If your family does not live within it's income, if they do not serve the Lord in sincerity and in truth, it's your fault. If they have missed the blessings of the family altar, prayer in your home, giving thanks at the dinner table, old-fashioned Bible discipline and the multitude of other blessings God holds for them, it is because you have failed in your duty as the head of the house. It is a great honor and a great responsibility you hold as a husband and a father. You have an immense job in front of you and if you are not willing to take control of your home and take your place at the head of your family in a Godly manner, then do not do it at all. If you are not ready, willing, and able to be the head of the family and guide your loved ones in the ways of the Lord, you are not ready to become a husband or to bring children into this wicked world. If you already are a husband and/or a father and are not saved or are not a successful Christian leader, then for the sake of your family and yourself, I urge you to get it right with God today - this very minute - and bring your family back under God's protection and guidance. Wives: The wife is to assume an equal, yet submissive role to her husband. She is a helpmeet for him and God meant for her to be a partner in the marriage, but she is also to submit to his leadership. The husband should listen to her viewpoints and opinons, but when the final word is said on the subject, it is the husbands rule that stands. "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing."(Ephesians 6:22-24) Whenever God gives orders to husbands and wives about how they should treat each other, He always speaks to the wife first, then to the husband. When He speaks to fathers and children, He speaks to the children first. And when He speaks to masters and servants, He speaks to the servants first. He always speaks to the subjects first, then the masters. God wants no questions and no excuses left to the subject. He wants it perfectly clear how the subject is to treat the master. Interestingly enough, when God speaks to the couple about thier duties to Him, He starts with the husband, then the wife. This rule of speaking to the one in subjection first is followed throughout the Bible - for examples of this check out Genesis 3:16; Ephesians 5:22-25; Colossians 3:18; and 1 Peter 3:1-7. This rule also applies no matter the spiritual condition of the one in charge. Children are to obey their parents even if the parents aren't saved. Servants are to obey their masters even if they are cruel and unkind. Citizens of the state are to obey the laws even when those laws seem unjust or when the lawmakers are corrupt and wicked. Likewise, God expects women to obey their husbands - good or bad, saved or unsaved. Nowhere in the Bible is the woman's obedience to her husband conditional upon his treatment of her or the state of his soul. The wife is to submit to the husband. Period. If women knew and cared about how strongly God feels on this subject, they would be much more careful about the husband they choose to submit to and their marriages would last longer. These days, the common line of thinking is that of "I'll marry him because I love him, but if I ever stop loving him, I can always leave". This is not Scriptural nor is it the way God intended the marriage contract to work. Jesus, in explaining God's ideas on marriage, didn't say "What therefore God hath joined together, let no man put asunder - unless he is a jerk or something"! God intended the marriage contract to be a lifelong committment, no matter what condition the hearts of those involved are like. Ok, ladies, now before you get all up in arms over this subjection issue, let's define what subjection truly is - Biblically-speaking. Subjection of a wife to her husband is not some slave-like cringing and threats of bodily harm or cruel, menacing glares from him. It is not some medieval ranking structure designed and created to keep the woman in a demeaning or demoralizing state of utter dependency. And it is not meant to lower or lessen her importance in the family unit. Subjection in this case is meant that there can be only one head of the household. A home where both the wife and the husband "share the decision-making" is a home in turmoil. God knew that to make both the man and wife equal in the decision-making process would invite disaster. And He is right - a quick look at some of the familes you know around you, proves that fact. Just as a country or state cannot have more than one final ruler, or a company more than one president, the family unit has to have one "last-word" leader. And God chose the man for that position. Sorry ladies, but those are His rules - not mine. That is not to say that you have to walk around with your head down and two steps behind him at all times. You are not slaves. Probably the finest example of what a Godly wife is is found in Sarah, Abraham's wife. Sarah loved Abraham - she admired and respected him so much that, as noble and matriarchal as she was, she was not ashamed to call him "lord". She was in subjection to him, not because he forced her to submit with threats or physical intimidation, not because he demanded it "or else", but because she was a Godly wife and knew that this was what she should do. She loved Abraham and revered him as God commands Christian wives to revere their husbands. What does it mean to "revere" someone? Well a quick look into a dictionary will tell us that to revere someone means "To regard with awe, great respect, or devotion. To treasure with profound respect." Not a bad way to be now is it? Note that this does not mean you must worship him or idolize him as if he were a god (we know not to put any human in that high a position!) but it does mean that wives should hold their husbands in high regard and treat them with the respect and esteem God intends. A study of the Scriptures will reveal the companionship of Abraham and Sarah to be one of the most happy and beautiful relationships found in the Bible, and a perfect picture of what God plans for all marriages to be like. No woman came between them; they were sweethearts from the time they met till their deaths; they never quarrelled over their children; they were totally devoted to each other throughout life's circumstances. A wife who feels toward her husband the way Sarah felt toward Abraham is indeed going to have a happy and fulfilling life and a rock-solid marriage. If you Mrs. Modern Wife can not feel the same way toward your "Mr. Right" and treat him with the same revererance and respect, then do not expect the same happiness and contentment that Sarah felt with Abraham. On the other hand, if you do respect and venerate your husband in such a manner, do not be surprised if he suddenly gets more passionate, more devoted, and starts treating you as his queen. Respect begats respect, devotion begats devotion, and the more you give to your husband, the more he will return. In marriage, two people become one through the joining of their minds and hearts, and to keep this union strong and intact, one person is to take the leadership role and one is to submit. The wife's submission to her husband is her "adorning" which makes her truly beautiful and this inner beauty is of great value in God's eyes."...even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price"(1 Peter 3:4) The believing women of the Old Testament made themselves beautiful by submitting to their husbands and letting the consequences rest with God. This is illustrated best by the model of Sarah and Abraham. And Christian women of today would do well to use Sarah's example of submission in their own relationships with their husbands. For those who do, God promises that, if her husband is an unbeliever, or out of fellowship with God for some reason, her submission can be the very means and method God uses to bring her husband into a proper relationship with God and thereby lead to the husbands' salvation. (1 Peter 3:1) So should a wife obey her husband, be in subjection to him, submit and even reverence him? Should a husband have authority over his wife as a master has over his servant, ruling over her in all things, and placing himself as chief authority over his family? The answer to this question is a resounding "Yes!" and the proof of which can be found in the Bible. Just remember - God made woman to be a completer to man...not a competitor to man. Each partner has their place, and the marriages that last are the one's that follow God's intended plan. Children: God's design for children is very clear. Children are to obey their parents-plain and simple. "Honor thy father and thy mother." (Deuteronomy 5:16). This is one of the Ten Commandments given to Moses by God. "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right." (Ephesians 6:1). Children is an inclusive term; it does not matter the sex or age of the child. God's will for children is to obey their parents "in all things". Colossians 3:20 says "Children, obey your parents in all things; for this is well pleasing unto the Lord." This Scripture passage clearly points out that children are to obey thier parents in "in all things" not just those things that pertain to Christian living. For this is right indicates that it is righteous for children to obey their parents. This obedience is exemplified in the example of Christ. He was obedient unto the Father even to His death on the Cross.
Just remember - God made woman to be a completer to man...not a competitor to man. Each partner has their place, and the marriages that last are the one's that follow God's intended plan.
At the close of his will, Patrick Henry stated: "There is one thing more that I would like to leave my family - Christian faith. With that, they would be rich did I not leave them one shilling. Without that, they would be poor had I given them the whole world."