Funny Quotes

Here are some cool quotes for you to read! So please enjoy but if you see more than one that are the same then please ignore it and if you see one that is incomplete then please E-mail me and tell me.

Funny Quotes

• * How come wrong numbers are never busy?
• * Do people in Australia call the rest of the world 'up over'?
• * Does that screwdriver belong to Phillip?
• * Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?
• * Does killing time damage eternity?
• * Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
• * Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
• * Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
• * Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
• * Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing made with real lemon?
• * Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?
• * Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn-shop?
• * Day light savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep it?
• * Did Noah keep his bees in archives?
• * Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans?
• * Do pilots take crash-courses?
• * Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as four's?
• * Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?
• * Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just showed them a quarter?
• * Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
• * Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?
• * How can there be self-help classes?
• * How do you get off a non-stop flight?
• * Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

More Funny Quotes

• * How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
• * How many weeks are there in a light year?
• * If a candle factory burns down, does everyone just stand around and sing happy Birthday?
• * If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his walkman?
• * If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
• * If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?
• * If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
• * If cats and dogs didn't have fur would we still pet them?
• * If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are girl scout cookies made from?
• * If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
• * If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look so fat?
• * If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?
• * If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
• * If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
• * If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
• * If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
• * Why do the signs that say slow children have pictures on them?
• * Why do they call it 'chili' if it's hot?
• * Why do we sing at funerals?
• * Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
• * Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
• * Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
• * Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
• * Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Even more funny quotes

• * Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
• * Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
• * How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
• * If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
• * If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
• * If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
• * If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
• * If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
• * You know how most packages say 'Open here'. What is the protocol if the package says, 'Open somewhere else'?
• * Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
• * Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
• * Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, by if it is by ship then it is called cargo?
• * You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
• * Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?