BIG MAMMA'S PROGRAM

*Husky voice* All right ppl, I'm gonna turn you into lean, mean, tattooed, vibrating, dancing machines! My name is Big Mamma, and you'll soon be just like Brian Byrne from I Mother Earth! IF! IF you follow these few simple rules and remember, Big Mamma's Program is guaranteed to satisfy ne of her customers.

  1. Sign our guestbook now.
  2. You got to jump up and down, scream like a little girl, and say you luv IME (this is to join)!
  3. Get IME music, only I MOTHER EARTH MUSIC!!! NOTHING ELSE!! NNNNNNOOOOO Britney Spears, cuz this will automatically delete you from our fantastico program!
  4. Go to a tattoo parlor (ask for permission first, if you're under 5), and then get as many as you can over your arms! Pierce your nose at the same time too
  5. Go home and scream in agony if it hurts, or, you could just go to library, scream like a banshee, and cry like a baby cuz it hurts.
  6. Rig up your own lil concert stage thing in your parents room, hide it so they won't know.... until you blast the music!!!
  7. Make cardboard ppl, and set them in front of stage
  8. Get some VERY nice shoes, very nice... get them in yellow, PLEASE!
  9. Cut your hair short, and bleach it, unless you already have. And please remember to not leave it on for very long, cuz we don't want your hair to turn white for the rest of your life (true story!).
  10. Now check in the mirror, do you look like ne1 you know? *hint hint*
  11. Get 3 other ppl to do the exact same thing you do, but maybe a bit different to look like OTHER ppl. *wink wink*
  12. Position yourself in a certain WAY on the little stage.
  13. Put a big mirror across from you
  14. Pause for a sec, look at yourselves, and LAUGH!!!!! cuz we are!
  15. Now you, in the blond hair, jump up and down, shake yourself, and throw yourself into the "crowd" of "ppl".
  16. Blond dude, pretend you are trying to get ants out of your clothes!!
  17. Other ppl, throw yourself into the "crowd", and you, the redhead, pull down your pants and moon the "crowd".
  18. Make a video of this, and send to MuchMusic. You never know... *wiggling eyebrows*

Comments? Questions? Anything missed? Email us! You know where!