Sick Jokes
if u have a weak stomach this site is not for u
Three old men are sitting on the porch of a retirement home.
The first says, "Fellas, I got real problems. I'm seventy years old.
Every morning at seven o'clock I get up and I try to urinate. All day
long I try to urinate. They give me all kinds of medicine but nothing
helps."
The second old man says, "You think you have problems. I'm eighty years
old. Every morning at 8:00 I get up and try to move my bowels. I try all
day long. They give me all kinds of stuff but nothing helps."
Finally the third old man speaks up, "Fellas: I'm ninety years old. Every
morning at 7:00 sharp I urinate. Every morning at 8:00 I move my bowels.
Every morning at 9:00 sharp I wake up."
what did the banana say to the vibratior?
"Why Are You shanking, she going to eat me!"
An anxious woman goes to her doctor. "Doctor," she asks nervously, "can you get pregnant from anal in
tercourse?"
"Certainly," replies the doctor, "Where do you think lawyers come from?"
This guy goes to his doctor to ask him a question. The doctor says,
"What can I do for you?"
"Well doctor, I have a question for you. I masturbate, and I was
wondering how often is too often."
"Hmmm," the doctor says, "how often do you do it?"
"Three times a day." the man says.
"Yeah, that might be a little excessive. Have you considered finding
yourself a girlfriend?" "I have a girlfriend, doctor", says the man.
"I mean a girlfriend for the bedroom as well...", the doctor says.
The man says "Oh, she is, that's not the problem. The problem is,
she doesn't like to do it during mealtimes."
Q: If two gay guys and two lesbians get in a race, who will win?
A: The lesbians, because they're doing 69 while the gay guys are still
packing their shit.
A gay man passes by a delicatessen. Looks in the window and goes
into the store.
He goes up to the counter.
"Hello? Hello?"
A boy working behind the counter says, "Yes, Sir?"
"How much is that enormous salami hanging in the window."
The boy weighed it.
"It will cost you $25 Sir."
"Fine. I'll take it."
"Would you like it sliced?"
The gay man snorts at the idea. "Of course not! Does this ass
look like a piggy bank?"
This guy and his girlfriend were sleeping in bed. The man had a
terrible rash on his dick. It ached so bad he soothed it by going
downstairs and putting it in a glass of milk.
All of a sudden his girlfriend walks in and says " I always wondered
how you loaded that thing".
What do you call 2 lesbians in a closet?
A liquor cabinet.
I'll have more very soon 1 new joke added everyday so, check everyday arrong 3:30 I'll update it when I get home from school or sometimes before
Email: vette5757@aol.com
