Don't Call Me Sir I Work For A Living
Professional Soldiers are predictable; the world is full of Dangerous Amateurs
If you take more than your share of objectives; you'll be given more than your share of objectives to take
Sniper's motto: reach out and touch someone
Air Defense motto: shoot'em down, sort'em out on the ground
Napalm is an area support weapon
Weather ain't neutral
When in doubt empty your magzine
The bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range
NEVER TELL THE PLATOON SERGEANT YOU HAVE NOTHING TO DO
REAL SERGEANTS
- Can cuss for ten minutes without repeating a word
- Have a spine
- Can play a cherry Lieutenant like a finely tuned instrument
- Can see in the dark
- Have eyes in the back of their head
- Still don't trust the Russians
- Still hate the French
- Don't know how to be politically correct
- Don't give a damn about being politically correct
- Think that politically correct should fall under S#%& in the UCMJ
- Love deployments because there is less paperwork and more real work
- Can run five miles with a hangover
- Do not fear women in the military
- Would like to date G.I.Jane
- Still know how to use a buffer
- Can tell you everything you want to know about an M1911A1 although they are no longer in the inventory
- Know that 45's knock people down while 9mm's just have bigger mags
- Believe they have a rendezvous with destiny
- Believe that Nuts wasn't all Brigadier General McAuliffe said to the Germans at Bastogne
- Don't know how to use a stress card
- Idolize John Wayne
- Don't believe AAFES needs a commander
- Aren't afraid of the Chineese who probabily don't have enough rowboats to invade Taiwan
- Really don't like taking S#%& from those who haven't been there
How to Handle a Snake Problem
- AIRBORNE Lands on a kills snake
- ARMOR runs over snake never even realizing it was there
- Aviation gets a 10 digit grid coordnate and laser paints snake for an Apache Strike
- RANGER plays with snake, then eats it
- SEAL calls in naval gunfire which misses, snake bites SEAL and dies of salt water poisoning
- FIELD ARTILLERY fires a three brigade Time on Target
- MARINE FORCE RECON follows snake and gets lost
- COMBAT ENGINEER complains maneuver forces don't know how to conduct proper counter-snake operations
- AIR FORCE FIGHTER PILOT bombs snake crew chief paints miniature snake below cockpit
- SPECIAL FORCES Makes contact with snake, builds rapport, wins its hear and mind, and then trains it to kill other snakes
- MAINTENANCE deadlines snake due to lack of parts
- SUPPLY wants to know where the hand receit for the snake is
- SEABEES builds snake and elaborate rec room with secret still
- MILITARY INTELLIGENCE prepares 24 page report on possible snake threat
- COMMUNICATIONS insists he needs to Satellite Link to vidio conference with snake
- CHAPLAIN tries to get snake to mend its ways
- MILITARY POLICE gives snake a ticket
- TRANSPORTATION snake what snake we were asleep in the truck
Murphy's Rules of Combat
- Friendly Fire- Isn't
- Recoiless Rifles- Aren't
- Suppressive Fires-Won't
- You are not Superman; Marines and Fighter pilots take note
- A sucking chest wound is nature's way of telling you to slow down
- If its stupid, but works, it isn't stupid
- Try look unimportant, the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you
- If at first you don't succeed, call in an air strike
- If you are forward of your position, the artillery will fall short
- Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself
- Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself
- Never forget your weapon was made by the lowest bidder
- If your attack is going well, its an ambush
- The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack
- No OPLAN ever survives initial contact
- Five second fuses burn three seconds
- A retreating enemy is probabily just falling back and regrouping
- The easy way is always mined
- Teamwork is essential, it gives the enemy other people to shoot at
- Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you
- Incoming fire has the right of way
- If the enemy is in range, so are you
- Tracers work both ways
- Mines are equal opportunity weapons
