Blonde Jokes

  1. Q: How do blonde brain cells die ?

    2. A: Alone.
  2. Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?

    3. A: Blow in her ear.
  3. Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?

    4. A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
  4. Q: How do you keep a blonde busy all day?

    5. A: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
  5. Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing?

    6. A: She was run over by the zamboni machine.
  6. Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?

    7. A: Tell her she's pregnant.
  7. Q: How does a blond spell farm?

    8. A: E-I-E-I-O
  8. Q: How does a blond kill a fish?

    9. A: She drowns it.
  9. Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?

    10. A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
  10. Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?

    11. A: Run....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
  11. Q: What do you call a blonde golfer with an iq of 125?

    12. A: a foursome.
  12. Q: What do you call a blond mother-in-law?

    13. A: An air bag.
  13. Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?

    14. A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
  14. Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?

    15. A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
  15. Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?

    16. A: Because it said 'concentrate'.
  16. Q: Why did the blonde take two hits of acid?

    17. A: She wanted to go on a round trip.
  17. Q: Why did the blonde snort Nutra-Sweet?

    18. A: She thought it was diet coke.
  18. Q: Why did the blonde bake a chicken for 3 and a half days?

    19. A: It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.
  19. Q: Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?

    20. A: The noise gave her a headache.
  20. Q: Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips?

    21. A: From trying to blow out lightbulbs.
  21. Q: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?

    22. A: She heard that the drinks were on the house.
  22. Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?

    23. A: They don't know the route.
  23. Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?

    24. A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
  24. Q: What is the difference between a dead blonde in the road, and a dead skunk in the road?

    25. A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
  25. Q: What is the difference between Elvis and smart blondes?

    26. A: Elvis has been sighted.
  26. Q: What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?

    27. A: Some traffic signs say stop.
  27. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a shopping cart?

    28. A: The shopping cart has a mind of its own.
  28. Q: What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?

    29. A: She turned it over and used the other side.
  29. Q: What did the really dumb blond say when someone blew in her bra?

    30. A: Thanks for the refill.
  30. Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?

    31. A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
  31. Q: How do you plant dope?

    32. A: Bury a blonde.
  32. Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?

    33. A: Wave to her.
  33. Q: How does a blonde measure his/her IQ?

    34. A: With a tire gauge!
  34. Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?

    35. A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
  35. Q: How do you kill a blonde?

    36. A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
  36. Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?

    37. A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
  37. Q: How do you drown a blond?

    38. A: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
  38. Q: How does a blonde high-5?

    39. A: She smacks herself in the forehead.
  39. Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?

    40. A: Flattered.
  40. Q: What is every blonde's ambition in life?

    41. A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
  41. Q: What can save a dying blonde?

    42. A: Hair transplants.
  42. Q: What are the worst six years in a blonde's life?

    43. A: Third Grade.
  43. Q: What did the blonde say about blonde jokes?

    44. A: She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto Ricans.
  44. Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?

    45. A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get MTV.
  45. Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?

    46. A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.
  46. Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

    47. A: I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.
  47. Q: What's six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy?

    48. A: A hundred dollar bill.
  48. Q: How do you make a blond laugh on Monday mornings ?

    49. A: Tell them a joke on Friday night !
  49. Q: How do you confuse a blonde?

    50. A: You don't. They're born that way.
  50. Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?

    51. A: They're too hard to peel.
  51. Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?

    52. A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
  52. Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?

    53. A: Proofreading.
  53. Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?

    54. A: For throwing out the W's.
  54. Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?

    55. A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
  55. Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?

    56. A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)
  56. Q: How do you keep a blonde busy?

    57. A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
  57. Q: What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of the pool?

    58. A: Air pockets.
  58. Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?

    59. A: "Space. The final frontier......"
  59. Q: What's brown and red and black and blue?

    60. A: A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.
  60. Q: How does the blonde car pool work?

    61. A: They all meet at work at 7:45.
  61. Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?

    62. A: Her IQ goes up!
  62. Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes?

    63. A: They always forget the recipe.
  63. Q: Did you hear about the blonde who just bought an A.M. radio?

    64. A: It took her two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.
  64. Q: Did you hear about the new epidemic among blondes?

    65. A: It's called MAIDS - if the don't get one, they die.
  65. Q: Did you hear about the blond that was treated at the emergency room for a concussion and severe head wounds?

    66. A: She tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungie cord.
  66. Q: Did you hear about the blonde that almost caused a wreck?

    67. A: The spare tire in her trunk blew out.
  67. Q: Did you hear bout the blonde who couldn't wait to see "20,000 Leagues Under The Sea"?

    68. A: She said that she loved baseball, and was surprised that there were so many teams.
  68. Q: Did you hear about the blonde who stood in front of a mirror with her eyes closed?

    69. A: She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.
  69. Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?

    70. A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.
  70. Q: How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs?

    71. A: She fell out of the tree.
  71. Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?

    72. A: One.
  72. Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ?

    73. A: She didn't know what ONE came first...
  73. Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?

    74. A: Divorced.
  74. Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?

    75. A: Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer!
  75. Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?

    76. A: She threw it off a cliff.
  76. Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?

    77. A: She fell out of the tree.
  77. Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?

    78. A: The cow fell on her.
  78. Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?

    79. A: Bobbing for french fries.
  79. Q: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?

    80. A: There's white-out on the screen.
  80. Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?

    81. A: She has a checkbook.
  81. Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?

    82. A: There is a stamp on it.
  82. Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?

    83. A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.
  83. Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?

    84. A: Lipstick.
  84. Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?

    85. A: You can park in the handicap zone.
  85. Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?

    86. A: It takes too long to retrain them.
  86. Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?

    87. A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."
  87. Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?

    88. A: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
    or A: So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home.
  88. Q: Why do men like blonde jokes??

    89. A: Because they can understand them.
  89. Q: Why do blondes like lightning?

    90. A: They think someone is taking their picture.
  90. Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?

    91. A: Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!
  91. Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?

    92. A: From eating with forks.
  92. Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?

    93. A: Because they can spell it.
  93. Q: What does the postcard from a blond's vacation say?

    94. A: Having a wonderful time. Where am I?
  94. Q: Why do blondes drive VW's ?

    95. A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!!
  95. Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?

    96. A: To cover up the valve stem.
  96. Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?

    97. A: Toes go in first.
  97. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?

    98. A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
  98. Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?

    99. A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.
  99. Q: Why don't blondes double recipes?

    100. A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
  100. Q: Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?

    101. A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.
  101. Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?

    102. A: They can't remember the number.
    or A: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.
  102. Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello?

    103. A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.
  103. Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?

    104. A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.
  104. Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?

    105. A: "What's a lightbulb?"
    or A: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
    or A: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"
  105. Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine?

    106. A: "Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!"
  106. Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?

    107. A: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde. A2: None of them, two don't exist and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.
  107. Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?

    108. A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
  108. Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?

    109. A: Bigfoot has been spotted.
  109. Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner?

    110. A: Reservations.
  110. Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth?

    111. A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine?
  111. Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?

    112. A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
  112. Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?

    113. A: Change.
  113. Q: What does a blonde say if you blow in his/her ear?

    114. A: "Thanks for the refill!"
  114. Q: What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair?

    115. A: Last years hide and go seek winner.
  115. Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?

    116. A: A whine cellar.
  116. Q: What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool?

    117. A: Air bubbles.
  117. Q: What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?

    118. A: An air mattress.
  118. Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?

    119. A: An Air Bag.
  119. Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?

    120. A: A mental block.
  120. Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?

    121. A: A wind tunnel.
  121. Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?

    122. A: A dope ring.
  122. Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?

    123. A: Divorcee'
  123. Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?

    124. A: Pregnant.
  124. Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?

    125. A: A visitor.
  125. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?

    126. A: Gifted!
  126. Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?

    127. A: An interpreter.
  127. Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?

    128. A: Frosted Flakes.
  128. Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?

    129. A: A Space Invader.
  129. Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?

    130. A: Branch Manager.
  130. Q: What do you call a smart blond?

    131. A: A golden retriever.
  131. Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?

    132. A: The inside of the back of her head.
  132. Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla?

    133. A: Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do...
  133. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?

    134. A: Artificial intelligence.
  134. Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?

    135. A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
  135. Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?

    136. A: They're both empty from the neck up.
  136. Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?

    137. A: They both have black roots.
  137. Q: What does a blonde owl say?

    138. A: What, what?
  138. Q: What do you call a pimple on a blonde's butt?

    139. A: A brain tumor.
  139. Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?

    140. A: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the M&Ms.
  140. Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?

    141. A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."
  141. Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?

    142. A: I don't know.
    Q: Neither did she.
  142. Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?

    143. A: To see what was on the other side.
  143. Q: Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at BYU?

    144. A: Too many blondes were drowning.
  144. Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?

    145. A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
  145. Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?

    146. A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
  146. Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?

    147. A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
  147. Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?

    148. A: To turn the blinker off.
  148. Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?

    149. A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
  149. Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?

    150. A: To see what was on the other side.
  150. Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veteranarian?

    151. A: Because she loved children.
  151. Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?

    152. A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
  152. Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?

    153. A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
  153. Q: How do you confuse a blonde?

    154. A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
  154. Q: Why does it work?

    155. A: "Does 3 come before E, between M and W, or at the end?"
  155. Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?

    156. A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
  156. Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?

    157. A: She missed the Earth!
  157. Q: What did the Blonde get on her A.C.T.?

    158. A: Nail polish!
  158. Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?

    159. A: The vegetable garden.
  159. Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?

    160. A: One.
  160. Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?

    161. A: Far-from-thinkin
  161. Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?

    162. A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.
  162. Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?

    163. A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
  163. Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?

    164. A: Spot.
  164. Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group?

    165. A: Air Supply.
  165. Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling ?

    166. A: A blond electrician
  166. Q: Why are blondes hurt by peoples words?

    167. A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
  167. Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?

    168. A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
  168. Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?

    169. A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
  169. Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?

    170. A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
  170. Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?

    171. A: The Air Pump!
  171. Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?

    172. A: Peroxide.
  172. Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear?

    173. A: Data transfer.
  173. Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a grocery cart.

    174. A: A grocery cart has a mind of its own.
  174. Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?

    175. A: After a dye job.
  175. Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?

    176. A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
  176. Q: If an blonde and a brunette jumped off a bridge, who would die first?

    177. A: The brunette -- because the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions.
  177. Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?

    178. A: Grade 4.
  178. Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?

    179. A: 144 blondes.
  179. Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?

    180. A: "Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"
  180. Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?

    181. A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
  181. Q: Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?

    182. A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
  182. Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?

    183. A: It swells at night.
  183. Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"

    184. A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
  184. Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.

    185. A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
  185. Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?

    186. A: She moved.
  186. Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?

    187. A: A blonde parade.
  187. Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?

    188. A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
  188. Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?

    189. A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
  189. Q: A guy asked his blonde wife "how did you get the car in the living room"?

    190. A: She said "I drove it through the kitchen and took a left."
  190. Q: Someone asked if a blonde believed in smoking.

    191. A: She said "Yes, I've seen it done."
  191. Did you hear about the blonde who:
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