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Intoxicated Auto Workers Reinstated

Chrysler was forced to reinstate 13 assembly line workers fired two years ago when a TV news crew caught them drinking and smoking pot on the job at the company's Jefferson North Assembly Plant in Detroit.

“First of all, the filming was an invasion of these employees' privacy,” arbitrator Justin Moran ruled. “Second, since the film showed no evidence that the accused were actually working on assembling vehicles at the time, the company's prohibition against 'drinking on the job' could not be proved to have been violated. Consequently, the company's argument that the firing was justified because intoxicated employees could compromise the quality of the product and the safety of the work environment must be rejected.”

Reinstated 20-year veteran employee William Leech was especially appreciative of the ruling. “My lawyer tells me that we can now go forward with my disability claim for the injury I suffered at the plant that day,” Leech bragged. “I'm hoping that I will finally be relieved of the drudgery of punching a time clock five days a week. Some of the other guys are jealous. They call me lucky. But I like to think of myself as smart.”

Leech is reported to be under consideration for a Presidential Medal of Freedom Award. White House Chief of Staff Jack Lew explained that “Leech is an exemplar of the type of transformation President Obama is striving to bring to this country. His story is one that can inspire others who are also trapped in wage slavery to believe that they too, by dint of their own ingenuity, can achieve true freedom.”


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